I hate this #$(*!!!

  1. Hi everyone,

    I've been a nurse for just over 4 years now. I've hated about 90% of it. I'm miserable, I'm always tired, always grouchy, never have time or energy or desire to see my friends, initially gained 30lbs (lost about 15), never had acne....now a ton of it, lost a lot of friends since I've become a nurse, fights with my boyfriend, messy apartment, the list goes on!

    I've tried all sorts of jobs...hospital, clinic, OR, home health. They all suck. I loved nursing school. I liked all the nursing theory and studying. But actual nursing....blech! I need to work right now for financial reasons. I make very good money right now, more so than other nurses with my experience. I'm trying to save up money to buy a house and travel. I'm hoping to quit my current job in about 2.5 years and travel Europe. But I'll be 30 then and I feel like I've totally wasted my 20s. I feel like I'm living a 50-year-old woman's life. I get so jealous driving by all the restaurants and clubs, seeing 20-somethings out having a good time, drinking, being out all night, with no care in the world. I tend to fall asleep on the couch at 7pm, wake up at 11pm, and toss and turn all night. I only get a good night's sleep (i.e., uninterrupted) when I'm on vacation. It's no fair.

    I feel like my mom forced me into being a nurse. She was a nurse and felt it was a good job financially and thought that I should do it, too. I really had no say in my life up until now, my mom always controlled me and told me what to do. In college I had a big fight with her telling her I didn't want to do nursing, that I wanted to social work, but she said she was paying for nursing school and nothing else. She said once I'm done with school I can pay for my own education. She recently paid off my student loans so I have none now, so a fresh slate education-wise. But I have no idea if I want to go to for a MSW or what. I'll still have to deal with people and whatnot.

    I enjoy my employer, my "job" (it's homecare so pretty flexible), my manager is wonderful, the pay, the majority of my coworkers, but the part about nursing that I don't like is the anxiety with all the acute medical status. I like helping people and counseling but not closely monitoring blood pressure and weights. Too much anxiety. I don't like medical stuff at all. I do enjoy wound care, but that's about the only "skill" I enjoy, yet I'm not very good at it anyways. My patients always question me, how long I've been a nurse, etc etc. I don't think I come across as not enjoying my job to patients I'm usually pretty cheerful and smiling, but perhaps my confidence/anxiety comes across......

    So I'm at a loss....miserable frustrated with nursing, stuck/suffocated thanks to my mom, not sure what to do, need the money for future hopes, etc etc. I'm going for a run as soon as I finish typing this, it's awesome stress relief, but that's only worth 1 hour. What do I do the other 23 hours in a day?? I have some activities but just no desire to do them. I really don't want to go on psych meds....I've been on paxil, lexapro, celexa, and prozac and they make me numb and fat. I am meeting with a counselor, but she can't fix me overnight. I only see her every 2 weeks so I freak out on my off week. I don't know if I want to do other types of nursing (psych and public health most often come to mind) or just quit it totally?
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  2. 4 Comments

  3. by   NurseStephy
    I understand. I wasn't forced into this, but I really couldn't afford years and years at a university (I had to pay for my own schooling). So, I knew I could become a nurse rather quickly and be able to support myself. Going to graduate ASN in May and feeling anxious about it.
    I hate the technical/ medical side of all this as well. I'm calm in emergencies and I can handle it, but I have no passion for it.
    Hoping that I just haven't found the area of nursing that I love.
  4. by   Mijourney
    Before you go any further in nursing, consider taking a career assessment if you've not already done this. It will give you a good idea of your interests, abilities, and values to determine what you could be doing. It also may be that there is something else in nursing you could be doing more to your liking. Career wise, I think it's important that we not look for a quick way into or out of things. If we're working full-time, we spend the brunt of our time in our jobs so that it is important to make good investments in acquiring education and skills. I hope you find something more agreeable job wise. Best wishes.
  5. by   morte
    Quote from Mijourney
    Before you go any further in nursing, consider taking a career assessment if you've not already done this. It will give you a good idea of your interests, abilities, and values to determine what you could be doing. It also may be that there is something else in nursing you could be doing more to your liking. Career wise, I think it's important that we not look for a quick way into or out of things. If we're working full-time, we spend the brunt of our time in our jobs so that it is important to make good investments in acquiring education and skills. I hope you find something more agreeable job wise. Best wishes.
    yes! thru your conselor, you should be able to take this testing....multi level questions that attempt to id that which would be best for YOU! not mom......my arm chair thoughts are that not only are you better suited to something else...but you are still royal pi$$ed off at mom, and youself for not standing up to her......you are a grown woman and if she cant treat you as one, then limit the interaction.....wound care is a skill that can be learned....is your thought that you arent very good at it, based in fact, or self deprecation?....can you tell i have a clue "where you are"? lol
    keep up with the counselor, get that testing, and assert you adulthood, and dont apologize for any of it!
  6. by   motennrn
    I'm in the same boat as you, except I'm closing in on 40, single parent, and have a ton of student loans to pay off. I wish I had an answer for you but I don't, looking for one myself. I'm dealing with the anxiety, tried different anti depressants, you name it...been there, done that. I've been doing this for 8 years and have finally come to the conclusion that it's time for a change....just know you are not alone!

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