Current BSN student here seeking advice, tips, help with an issue I'm sure a lot of my fellow students have struggled with.
First a little background..
I am in my 4th semester of nursing school
, which equates to a little more than half of my program's curriculum. Until nursing school I had been a straight A student. However, prior to starting the nursing program I understood that maintenance of such a high standard would be unlikely, not to mention rather difficult. All else considering, I did well maintaining A's and B's throughout my first, second, and third semesters of school and usually fell within the class average.
It was towards the end of my third term, when I began slipping and it started to feel as if my whole world was falling apart. This is when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I was in and out of hospitals, taking several prescription drugs, developed poor coping skills (smoking tobacco), and at times aliented myself from family and friends. But, with the help of my mentors, love from my family, support from my friends, and some of my own perseverance, I passed all of my classes.
During winter break, I allocated most of my time towards recovery and a month later it was time to hit the books again. Except, for the first couple weeks of this semester I found myself with little to no work ethic, lazy, and falling into depressive spells that I thought were gone forever. Since then, my life has been up and down but slowly getting better. I'm studying again, working out again, spending time with friends and family again, but something is definitely different. For one, I feel less intelligent and very slow in comparison to how I used to be. My last two exam scores supports this fact?/idea. And what saddens me most, is that I somehow lost the fire that kept me going for years.
Yes, my school expectations are lower now. But there have been changes made in my class schedule which permit me to allocate more time towards certain classes. I feel at this point, "why shouldn't I be able to get an A or at least fall within my class average?" I feel as if my friends/classmates have progressed, as expected, in nursing. Whereas, I feel as if I took several steps back.
The idea that lingers in my mind 24/7 is: a blockade keeping me from reaching my goals, and the only way to reach them is to push through and be resilient. Except, I don't know if I'm as strong as I think I am (or would want to be).
If you have any relatable personal experience, or just want to add your input, please discuss this problem with me below.
Mar 15, '14
VivaLasViejas "... sometimes the universe has ways of telling us what we think we want isn't the right thing for us."
Thank you for this, it really got me thinking about nursing and if my heart is still in it the same way it was before. A year ago, I knew without a doubt I wanted to be not just a nurse, but a great nurse. Most importantly, I wanted to have a career where I could help people in need. This idea transcended into a notion that I wanted to do something really important with my life. I don't seek recognition, and I don't need fame, but I need to have purpose. I realized this after spiraling down into a very deep stage of depression. The problem is, I have no idea where I stand in the universe right now (if that makes any sense). I will continue with my schooling, mainly because I do not yet hold an undergraduate degree. However, I pray that I find some inspiration while continuing the program.
Last edit by myallnursesusername on Mar 15, '14