Yes I am seeing a psychiatrist for a few months and am currently doing a trial of lamotrigine 100mg monotherapy. I am a little weird with meds. Just about all of them mess up my head. I suppose how i described my reaction to SSRIs prompted her to try a mood stabilizer. The funny thing is I have had similar reactions to every drug I have been on lamotrigine, SSRIs, SNRIs, Adderall (this doc was waaaay off base), lamotrigine even Buspar. So I'm not sure about anything except that I am EXTREMELY sensitive to all meds.
I have read SSRIs can throw bipolars into mania. Still my reaction was weird, felt funny after about two hours of taking the med and it lasted about 6 hours, then I felt normal again until the next dose. This prompted me to take the med before bedtime which worked, I would simply sleep through all of the side-effects and feel fine the next day. The lamotrigine seems to work, it has brought me to the same "apathetic like" place as the SSRIs. Maybe that is where all these drugs end up not depressed but not full of life. I suppose the latter is for me to accomplish.
Either way if I am somewhere on the mood spectrum I would imagine I am just at the cusp. I have been able to accomplish more in my short time on this planet while having symptoms than most will in their lives. I have seen the med cocktails many are on and sympathize with those needing so many drugs to stay stable. My MD seems more concerned with treating the symptoms than a label. I asked her what she thought once and got a lot of "maybe" "I'm leaning towards," but no "you have..." I guess I will just wait to see.
There is an excellent nursing school
in my hometown. Ultimately I would like to end up back there with my friends. Moving to Texas was a failed experiment. Introvert in a new town makes it hard to make friends. My whole situation makes me think its more a situational depression in a chemically sensitive individual, it all got worse when I came down here. I trust my MD....i think. So we will see what happens at the next meeting.
Thank you All!!