Let's talk about Depression - page 2

by madwife2002 4,077 Views | 12 Comments Senior Moderator

Depression touches most peopleís lives at some point; like all illnesses it has no consideration for age, race, gender or status in life. Depression can creep up slowly or hit you straight in the face when you least expect... Read More


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    Thank you for your article. I saw myself in a lot of what you wrote. I was finally diagnosed with depression about 5 years ago when a whole series of problems came down on me at once and I became suicidal. When I look back, I suppose I've always had some sort of depression. (I had a difficult early life) Today my depression clouds everything I do, see and say. It has cost me 3 jobs and a whole lot of happiness. I am blessed to have a husband that is beyond understanding and supportive but I know he hasn't had an easy time of it either.

    I'm on medication now which helps a lot but my depression is always there, under control and often buried, but there none the less. I often compare it to one of those ominous, dark storm clouds you see off in the horizon...dark, foreboding and dangerous. Some days it's too close for comfort other days I hardly notice it. Lately, I have to admit it's been close...very close and I'm struggling.

    Like you, I have also learned a lot about depression and it helps me to cope at times. I've resigned myself to the fact that I will be depressed all my life and will likely be on medication for that long as well. It bugged me at first...kind of like knowing that I would need to be on thyroid medication all my life, but I have since learned to live with it. It is what it is.

    A few years ago I read another article on depression and there was a quote in there that stuck with me.

    "Depression is a liar"

    How true....

    Laura
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    Thank you for sharing that.

    It puts me in mind of a phrase that helps me at times like this, when my mood chart looks like a map of L.A. and I feel like I'm losing what few marbles I have left: "Nothing is as bad as my brain thinks it is." IOW, my brain is lying to me when it tells me that everything is awful and that a handful of Ativan or a bottle of Jack Daniels will solve my problems. Yeah, I'm really, really stressed and there's nowhere for all this emotion to go, and I want to run so far away that it can't find me. But again, life is not as bad as I think it is, and I know better than to believe everything I think.
    madwife2002 likes this.
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    I have a hx of major depression as well. The past few years have been nothing but major upheaval into family's life. I bece a nurse (a lifelong dream), could only find work in a prison (scary stuff!), my husband retired from the navy ( a lifestyle I had known since I was 19) and we moved from GA to WI. We had to live with my MIL for a year and finally bought our home here. We can't sell our house in GA and DH is a FT college student working part time in a low paying internship.When we moved here, I found a job at an LTACH. The working environment is toxic beyond belief. There's not enough space here to go into detail about that... Cliques, inexperienced and unsupportive mgmt, NO policies or protocols, a new CNO q 1.5 yrs., very very sick pts, backstabbing coworkers... I could go on for hrs.I finally left that job after 7 mos and worked NOCs on an onco floor. NOCs killed me and the entire staff of rns were so passive aggressive that I could only do that for three mos. the new CNO (who just resigned yesterday) called and asked me to go back to the LTACH that I was at before. He promised that things were improving, that the cliques and bullies were being dealt with and that policies and procedures were coming online. I foolishly believed him and went back. Now, things are worse than ever and the environment is so toxic that even on my days off I worry about that place and what it will do to me. I love the types of pts there and I have a very good friend there that I can rely on (she's the only one I can count in there)...Anyway, I feel so depressed and stressed at the thought of going back there for my next shift that I'm completely useless to my husband and kids all the time. All I want is to quit nursing and go back to being a stay at home mom and wife. I'm really good at taking care if them and love doing it when I'm not stressed all the time. I'm to the point that I hate being a nurse.I've rarely seen nurses really support each other unless they are also friends. Nurses who aren't friends tear each other up all the time. I know my depression is situational and probably even seasonal combined but I have got to have a major change. I need an environment that is safe to be in but quitting nursing is not an option since I am the main breadwinner now.I'm exhausted all the time and there are always tears waiting to fall and a lump in my throat. I don't know what to do anymore. There are people who said nurses should know how to handle depression but it is different when it's you. I know how to handle a cancer pt but that doesn't mean that I could handle well if it were me.Sorry so long but this has been building inside me for months.


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