My life.

Nurses Recovery

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Specializes in Neuro ICU, Geriatric Rehab.

I became addicted to Lortabs while in nursing school. They "helped" me have the "energy and focus" to get my studies, clinicals and family life obligations done with what I saw as being "perfection." I remember I even thought they were GOOD for me and I compared them to vitamins. I had even advanced to the point of chewing up Oxycontin. They worked better and lasted longer. I thought everyone should take these miracle pills. Until the first day I didn't have any. Then everything became crystal clear. I was completely physically dependent on them and the withdrawl was horrible. It took me a few months of this pattern to admit the problem and seek help. I decided to go on methadone maintenance therapy so I could continue with school and the switch over was almost painless. However, I was still an addict, I just didn't have to seek drugs out. Just a daily clinic visit and one dose of methadone and all was ok. I graduated in 05/03 with a BSN and cum laude honors. I landed an awesome job in a Neuro ICU. I chose not to disclose my issues to my employer b/c I falsely believed I was in control. Only problem was that with my 7p-7a schedule I occasionally overslept and missed my dose and had even more severe withdrawls than when I was using my drug of choice. Because I was scared that I would divert meds from patients to make it through a shift I called in sick on the days I missed my methadone. I quickly bypassed the absent days allotted and was fired. At that point I realized that I couldn''t continue with the MMT and I went to my doctor to start weaning down off of the dose. The clinic I went to was very anti-getting off of it (it is a business after all) b/c they claimed the only way to stay clean was to stay on the methadone. I got another job but still didn't tell them about my problem. I really wanted to keep it to myself and I still thought it was personal. But it was really affecting me in ways I only recently came to understand. The proccess of getting "really clean" was slow but still created noticeable withdrawl symptoms, mainly shaky and irritable and a sort of death like appearance. So one of my coworkers said I was on drugs. SURPRISE!! I volunteered a UA. It was not the average employment style UA (these don't show methadone, b/c even though it is an opiod it is man made and must be specially tested for!) it was a tox screen in an ER. It showed up. I was fired and reported to the BON. I let my license lapse and got clean for real. Divorced my drug partner husband. Started working as a waitress after 6 months of recovery when my brain started functioning again. Fast forward 2.5 years to today. I have 3 years clean, got reinstated by th KBON joined KNAP and have been compliant with my program with them. I only have a year contract with them b/c I have been in remission so long but I still have the standard 6 month key restriction after I get a job. I have proven myself to myself and my family. Now I just have to prove myself to someone in an interview to get a chance to prove myself to them in a professional sense. I had 2 interviews today but the 1st one got postponed while the lady checks to make sure they can handle an KNAP nurse right now. Wish me luck on the 2nd. I am trying to not get discouraged. I haven't made it this far and learned all this about myself to get stalled out now. Its been a bumpy path but its mine and all things happen for a reason. Thank you for giving me a place to vent.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

What an awesome story of "to hell and back". Congratulations on being clean and I know that if you stay clean, everything will fall into place.

Thanks for taking the time to share.

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it takes a strong determination to get to the point where you are now

good luck with interview

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Good luck to you! I will pray that those who stand in judgement of you and seek to take your livlihood will not be in accidents while talking on their cell-phones today.

Congrats on your stamina. You deserve to have success in your job search.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.

Big hugs.

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Good luck to you

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God bless you, good luck with your sobriety.

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Specializes in ICU.

Do you have an update for us?? It has been 8 months or so,, are you doing alright? How did the job hunt go?

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Specializes in Neuro ICU, Geriatric Rehab.

Hello there. Sorry I didn't think about giving an update before!! I actually have a tremendous amount of good news to report, I have just been rather busy living it all. I have almost completed my monitoring contract with KNAP and therefore should have my license cleared by the BON within the month. My contract was only for one year and included a six month narcotics restriction (which is done), monthly UA's (all have been clean-of course), and weekly AA meetings. I have one UA for April, and one meeting left to complete and I will be released from monitoring on April 14th!! I didn't find a job for pay, I volunteered at a free clinic in my town and it was awesome. I am currently mostly a stay at home mom of my young daughter (19 months) and very, VERY pregnant with my next and final baby. I am due in 8 days (the day after Easter and before my contract is done!!) So I have really been enjoying reaping the rewards that being clean has brought and if I get near the computer my little girl starts climbing all over me....which is very uncomfortable at this late stage. So again I appologize for not continuing to post and I will try to keep in touch in the future. HERE SHE COMES!!! Thanks for all your support.

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Specializes in GI, Home Health-Infusions, Med-Surg.

Congratulations on everything, your story will inspire others for sure!

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.
Hello there. Sorry I didn't think about giving an update before!! I actually have a tremendous amount of good news to report, I have just been rather busy living it all. I have almost completed my monitoring contract with KNAP and therefore should have my license cleared by the BON within the month. My contract was only for one year and included a six month narcotics restriction (which is done), monthly UA's (all have been clean-of course), and weekly AA meetings. I have one UA for April, and one meeting left to complete and I will be released from monitoring on April 14th!! I didn't find a job for pay, I volunteered at a free clinic in my town and it was awesome. I am currently mostly a stay at home mom of my young daughter (19 months) and very, VERY pregnant with my next and final baby. I am due in 8 days (the day after Easter and before my contract is done!!) So I have really been enjoying reaping the rewards that being clean has brought and if I get near the computer my little girl starts climbing all over me....which is very uncomfortable at this late stage. So again I appologize for not continuing to post and I will try to keep in touch in the future. HERE SHE COMES!!! Thanks for all your support.

:ancong!::hpygrp::clphnds::nmbrn::yelclap:

What an AWESOME witness to the power of recovery!!!Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. This is what recovery is all about!

Congrats!!!!!

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Specializes in Neuro ICU, Geriatric Rehab.

now for the good news... my beautiful baby boy, trenton charles arrived on april 10th at 5:22 pm. he weighed in at a long and skinny 7lbs 2.8oz and 20 in. he is perfect. four days later on april 14th i completed my monitoring program requirements and was released from knap. now when i decide to return to work i will do so with my license free and clear of any and all restrictions and limitations. i don't know how difficult it will be to find a job after all of this or if i still need to inform prospective employers of my history etc... but i feel like everything will work out exactly as it should when it is time. i just wanted to take a second to share my joy with you all and let everyone know that we are never hopeless unless we choose to be. :redbeathe

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