First let me say that I am NOT working at this time. Two years ago I entered a rehab and stayed for a month recovering from pain pill addiction after surgery. After being sober for two years, I had decided to go back to nursing in the field of recovery working at a rehab. Suddenly one day I felt this incredible urge to urinate, and it was downhill after that. After being seen and tested by numerous urologisrts, urogynecologists, colon rectal surgeons and gastroenterologists, I have found out that I have Interstitial Cystitis and a rectocele which will probably require surgery. After 6 months of unrelenting pain, I relapsed on Percosets again. Without the pain pills, I cannot function at all. I do not feel that I can go to meetings not sober. My AA friends think I should celebrate my anniversary in June, because I have not had a drink. Drinking was never my real problem. I am feeling depressed, as I miss my meetings, I know I will never work again, and I feel like all my hard work and aspirations for success are down the drain. I simply cannot live with the pain of this illness. I have had no choice but to go back on the pain killers. I tried Lyrica first with no response. How does one stay sober from pain pills when they are always in pain? I have seen many people celebrate anniversary after anniversary because they don't drink. They take pain pills for pain and don't see that as a relapse. I can't see it that way, as alcohol was never my drug of choice. I also have the belief that alcohol is just drugs in a liquid form. I cannot resolve this situation at this time. I am thankful for an understanding and loving husband and children who I have been completely honest with.. I have learned so much from AA about living and changing my thoughts to ones of honesty, purity, unselfishness and love. I am so disappointed that I cannot go back to nursing, and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all and ask if anyone has ever experienced this situation. Krisssy RN
