Accusation by spouse

  1. ok- i have a question for my fellow nurses in recovery- only- no outside opinions, please. next month i will - God willing- be sober for 3 years. saturday evening- after i had not slept well the previous night, had had our 3 year old grandchild all day, it was about 9 in the evening, my son & his wife were present- & my husband made the comment "i don't like what i see"- indicating that he thought i had been drinking while they had been gone dove hunting. at the time i simply stated that he was wrong- & let it go. but the more i thought about it, it made me angry. i told him so the next day, & he said that if it made me mad, it only indicated even more that i was guilty. we very much depend on my income for our support- & my income very much depends upon my sobriety- as i know you guys very much understand. so- do ya'll think i am wrong for being upset?
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    About TXRN2

    Joined: Dec '09; Posts: 327; Likes: 315


  3. by   wish_me_luck
    I would be angry too. We put a lot of effort into our recovery and feels awful when others, especially loved ones, doubt us. I would have asked him what makes him think that you had been drinking.

    But I think you had the right to be mad. Why would he think it's even more telling that you were drinking when you were simply telling him the truth? I am sorry that happened to you.
  4. by   TXRN2
    trust me, i did ask him- more than once- & he couldn't really say. thanks for your reply & support!!
  5. by   TXRN2
    Well, thank goodness that after 24 hours of silent treatment, he came to his senses- apologized & said that he was wrong & handled it wrong! good thing- cause i was about ready to kick him to the curb- & we've been married over 30 years!! LOL! after that we had a good talk- like we should have to begin with, instead of accusations!
  6. by   RNKellie51303
    I feel you have every right to be upset. After all, your determination is key to your sobriety. You also have to understand that sometimes, eventhough we are clean, our families can't forget what we did. Just keep your head up and try not to take it personal. I know when things like that get to me I say the Serenity Prayer. Understand that we change, not them.
  7. by   TXRN2
    @RN Kellie- i do understand that he worries, & if i were in his place, i would do so also. it was just how he handled (mishandled!) the whole thing. now i chalk it up to another lesson learned by both of us! thanks for your input!!
  8. by   backtowork
    I say you use the "I don't like what I see" line next time he leaves the toilet seat up..LOL..Glad to see you post again have been a great inspiration to me in my journey.
  9. by   sissiesmama
    Oh, I would have been angry too! I agree with back to work, I'd be tempted to use the phrase on him - My sobriety date was Augut 16th, 1999 - and my mom used the phrase once on me. At the time, I had gotten a stomach virus, so I wasn't as polite as I probably should have been.

    Glad to see you here, haven't caught your posts in a while. Hugs!

    Anne, RNC
  10. by   TXRN2
    thanks, ya'll for your support- it means the world to me!! i still visit this forum almost daily- just don't comment unless i feel i really can contribute in an informed fashion! hugs back to ya'll, too & take care!
  11. by   larrn1
    That really must have hurt but I'm glad you both talked and worked things out. I often wonder just how long it will take for my husband to forget what I did. We recently talked about it and he said it felt as if Ihad cheated on him. I never thought about it that way but after much thought I can see the way he feels. I don't think know how long, if ever, it will take for our families to fully trust us again. I know its a crappy feeling though. Congrats on ur 3 years! That is wonderful!
  12. by   TXRN2
    @ larrn1- he did tell me that he is really paranoid & worries a lot that i will relapse- which, as we talked about- is wasted time & energy, & totally nonproductive. but, i can understand- i might do the same thing if i were in his place- it can't feel good to not be in control of a situation. i guess, like you said- it is like we cheated- and my husband wll probably never forget- but it will be okay, as long as he stays rational about it & keeps it in perspective!!