Workplace Conflict

jmpnjessie · Mar 10, 2012

I know this is an old post, but I am going to have my own little off my chest session....I love both of the previous statements. They are both viable. To me. I have a personal issue in dealing with people, namely, I avoid confrontation and tend to bend to situations until I am forced to deal with them....and most of the time, the situation is in my own head!!

The reason I am in a funk is that I am an older RN who has been Med Surg/Tele/Resp---some stepdown, some ICU, some jail nursing, PACU, but mostly Med Surg. I love it. I am a very good nurse, not the best - I tend to go with feelings and also with bending the rules at appropriate times. I am a fierce patient advocate, my strong suit. I am not so good at report, a weakness, as I tend to want to cover every nook and cranny of every evolution of the patients I took care of.....I am sure I get on some nurses' nerves because of my droning ....LOL

The exact situation happened yesterday at shift change. There is a young, 1 year grad who has only worked on the floor on which I was just hired. She tends to be quiet and "as a matter of fact" almost total opposite of me. I admire that in people as I seem to feed off of emotions of others and those people seem calm all the time. I feel inferior to them for some reason I can't fathom. So I started to give this nurse report and she started to interrupt almost immediately. She literally huffed. I began to feel as if I was not giving her a good report. I should have asked if there was a problem, or maybe see if she wanted to proceed in a different way. I did not. I kept on with report and after a minute she began asking me questions. Well, I had started on one patient and she was asking questions about a very similar patient so I was answering on the patient that I had started with. OMG! I gave her report on the wrong patient because we were not on the same page. I felt because I am the older more experienced RN that it was all my fault. It really was not.

I SHOULD have stopped and clarified. I SHOULD have stopped and regrouped. I SHOULD have let her attitude roll off....What DID I DO!!??? I took it personally - and see how it affects me!? Still upset about it!

She did absolutely nothing except be herself and I am giving her this power over me. Is it the change of life and hormones? Is it the new environement? Probably all of it. **SIGH**

Oh - worse, I did not see that there were two medications that I thought I gave (because of the layout of the computer system at this new job) and I had not! They were additional doses....so those were left for her to do. It was a very busy day and I have only been on the floor for literally a total of 48 hours and am supposed to have one preceptor and have had three different nurses almost every shift. I felt horrible and inefficient. I gave an inadequate report (my worst nightmare) and I feel like I want to duck my head when I see her! Me! OMG.....My MOJO has flown!!!

Why am I so hard on myself?

rn/writer, RN · Mar 12, 2012

Why ARE you so hard on yourself?

It sounds like you don't feel you deserve to be there.

You have a lot of valuable experience along with a couple of undermining circumstances, namely, you know you have some weaknesses in giving report and you're new to the floor.

For starters, I would suggest learning to buy time. When the oncoming nurse interrupts you during report, stop and say, "Please, wait until I'm finished with this patient and then we'll discuss any questions you still have." If she interrupts again, simply stop until she gets the drift and start up again. It takes two to make a good hand-off. Yes, you can acknowledge that this is not your best area right now, but don't absorb all the responsibility when the other person is contributing to the problem.

Second, see if your employer has and Employee Assistance Program and if you can get a few confidential counseling sessions. If that's available to you, take adavantage of it and try to get some help with this business of putting yourself down and not feeling confident in your new situation. Learn how to separate who you are from what you do so that giving a crummy report doesn't make you feel like you have to hang your head in shame and hide.

I'd also recommend Googling assertiveness. And giving report.

We all telegraph messages to other people about how to treat us. If your message is that you are inadequate and will do almost anything to avoid confrontation, you're going to set yourself up to be disrespected. Because you have disrespected yourself.

Concentrate on improving whatever needs help. But balance the areas that need work with the years of experience and wisdom you have brought to the table.

I wish you the best! You can do this.

anotherone, BSN, RN · Mar 13, 2012

I admire nurses who insist on putting co workers like that " in their place". Most of the time I ignore them as I do not want to cause a huge fight and get fired. There are people who like to treat others like garbage and my floor has its fair share of it. This is not a matter of interpretation. Many nurses sit there and talk about others right in front of everyone, including the person they are talking about, and nothing is done about it. I do find it especially rewarding when they do that to the "wrong person" . I have no clue how to handle people like this in a professional setting aside from ignoring them. In my personal life I tell them off and leave them in tears.

jmpnjessie · Mar 14, 2012

WOW. Thank you! Just what I told myself. Thank you for the feedback!!!

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Mar 19, 2012

Where I work we have one nurse who is out of control. She has been written up many times, and yet she isn't let go. I don't get it. I mean she will literally scream at someone.. WHO DOES THAT AT WORK? She is given so many chances and excuses. Anyway I have always tried my best to just ignore her, but we almost got into it a few weeks ago. Luckily another coworker jumped in. I will be polite, I will help if you need it, but I will NOT sit there and let you talk to me in that way.