Why dont' nurses help each other?!

[scorpio24]

All I have ever wanted to do with my life since the age of 7 was to be a nurse. I accomplished this goal and took a position in the ER. The experienced nurses warned me..."ER nurses eat their young". This was a concept that I came to understand quickly. It is actually one of the biggest reasons that I have not been active as an RN for over a year now. Don't get me wrong, there were the FEW that made the biggest difference in my life because they took the time to teach.

I am sort of jaded by this experience though, I thought that nursing is supposed to be about caring and helping others...at least that's why I became a nurse. It seems that more experienced nurses do not want to take less experienced nurses under their wing. Instead, they become easily frustrated unwilling to explain or flat out tell you that basically you're an idiot for not knowing something. I am still on the fence as to whether or not I will return for a significant amount of time or just long enough to go back to school. Any thoughts or feelings on this topic?

[RelloydRN]

I think sometimes they look at the new comer as someone that is about to take their jobs, they may feel threatened and for what? But don't let them take that away...when I graduated, some of my classmates wouldn't tell me where they worked out of fear i may take their jobs. That is what i was told. What is that? You are there to help people feel better not to make coworkers feel better about their insecurities about you being there. Just find yourself people that are willing to teach you and move forward and remember that we are a " nursing unit" and we need to stick together.

I remember that my parents would always tell me that; "If you do your best and never stop to learn, you will never be out of your job. You will never look for a job, and the job will look for you." Nurses shouldn't be afraid that the newcomers will take their jobs because they have more experience than the new ones to start with! They should help teach them (the younglings) on how to be like them (the experienced ones).

[carecrafter]

someone had a great line on here the other day - don't know how to find it but someone else might.

It started out with "I have confidence in my level of intelligence so your opinion is of little consequence....."

words to live by

[crb613, BSN, RN]

I am in the ER also and I work with the most awesome group of nurses anywhere! We are a team, and support each other. There is no such thing as my pt, your pt. We all work together to take care of each other as well as our pts. We have a motto....we all either have a good shift or we all have a bad one....no one is left to struggle on their own. Now with that being said we all work like crazy.....no one is lazy, or hides and tries to shove something off on to some one else. It is well known in our ER how well we all work together and we are also known as the team that gets it done. We love what we do and we like and respect each other....makes doing what we do a lot easier!

[GraceNotes]

I work with good people, I keep telling myself that. But I do get the head duck more frequently than I'd like when an unpleasant nursing task needs to be done. The head duck: can't hear, can't see anything because I'm just so engrossed in my computer, chart, telephone, conversation. Funny, they're all ears for office gossip. It does happen in every profession, but taking care of people seems more urgent. Some thing you can "shine on," some things you can't.

[monicanurse]

I always stand out because I always help , I even volunteer to help. What gets me.....is ....dont these nurses remember they were the new person on the block once?

In my honest opinion, I see nurses who act so unprofessional , and this is just one example. What kind of example are you setting for future nurses or new nurses?

we have to pay special attention to the message we are sending to new nurses. It is our responsibility. Whoever works with me always know I am more than willing to share my expertise. It is called the act of being selfless, something nurses should know about.

[RNMLIS]

Apologies for the long post..

Arrrgghhh...I agree with

Gracenotes,2ndwind nikkimodl and OP

One's working environment is a key ingredient to one' s sucess on the job as well as job satisfaction...

There is something very toxic in the nursing industry...I too hesitate to call the nursing industry quite 'professional'

It took more for me to get accepted to a community college associate's program than to be accepted in a master's program for library science.

Are nurses smart - you bet they are...

Are they treated like #@*%! you bet they are

Do many nurses treat each other like #@^*! With out a doubt

It is not OK to eat your young -wow - and to condone the act!

Arrruuugggh

I can never find the words to express my personal dissapointment with my short lived career...

I know I did my best but my best became less as my confidence diminished

There is no justification for the way nurses are treated or treat each other

we/ management/etc. allow this to continue, reinforce this behavior and justify it(welcome to the real world, if you do your best, don't let it get to you)

Our behavior becomes like our tormentors/mimics our tormentors

yes there are nurses that are respectful of others help when asked and don't snarl if someone crosses some immaginary line...

I have worked many jobs - all in the service industry

I have worked in the corporate world, as a corporate librarian

A dynamic,stressful, busy, mentally challenging, exciting career

an industry that has it's own idenity issues - We called ourselves anything but librarians...pressure to publish blah blah Associates, Partners, VPs and CEOs caled and wanted what they wanted yesteryay! But no one treated us inappropriatly or were abusive if so management stood up for us.

It was expected/understood that we support each other and share information We did so willingly.

Respect was not a pretense or absent as in nursing. It was the norm.

I left that world as those in the corporate world live with the fear of DOWNSIZING and a narrowing of my specific field.

In a previous life I was a Waitress - I hate to say it but for the most part we were treated ok and worked together We fussed and B*&CH#$D but we worked together.

I find it rather sad that I have to say that I was treated better as a waitress than as a RN

Even physcial violence seems to be ignored/excused

a waitress chased the chef with a huge knife but that was not ok

I was punched in the nose by a scared confused old man - not only did the manager know there was a potential - it was not addressed appropriatly -excused - brushed off

The horizontal violence in LTC....

SHAME!

We will never be seen as professionals if we do not behave as professionals

No one is going to steal your peice of pie or stand in your spot and if you give of yourself your pie might get bigger and mabey your space won't feel violated by someone else... treat others respectfully

Respect cannot be commanded - Respect goes to respect and if we as a whole don't respect support each other - well no one else will

Insisting that RN become BSN or that entry level for nursing become BSN will not make nursing more professional...the industry is seething with ________!

[avator288]

You could always fail a nursing student at the end of the semester without ever having written them up

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

this is a topic that's been discussed frequently, and in depth, on this site. take a look around and you'll find several threads devoted to it.

i am curious, op, how long you worked as an rn before leaving the field?

i don't think you can judge nurses as a whole based on the behavior of a few. even if your entire unit was like that, which i don't know if that's true, they're still a "few" compared to all of the nurses out there. i also don't think nursing is all that worse than any other profession. nurses that treat other nurses like cr*p do it because they're not nice people, not because they are nurses. chances are they act like that outside of work, too. i do my best to help my coworkers when i'm able, i enjoy precepting students and new grads, i love teaching the little things i've learned over the years to newcomers. so, i kind of resent the "why don't nurses help each other?!" question, since it lumps every last one of us in to that category.

i wonder if your perceptions weren't a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, too. you went in expecting that "all (er) nurses eat their young," so why are you suprised that you ended up seeing things that way?

on another note, i loathe the "nurses eat their young" expression. i also understand the adage that nursing is a *caring* profession, but some days, you just want to do your job and care for your patients, not everybody else, too. that doesn't mean not helping out when someone needs you to, but the whole thing lends to that martyr concept that nurses should be all give, all the time. i don't know how to explain myself better, and anything else i'm thinking won't sound the way i intend, so i'll stop before i get flamed.

[avator288]

[Katie5]

I am helpful when there's an emergency situation.

I get tired though of having to help out the same person day in and day out because they can't get their time management together and I can. I have the same number of patients as they do but I am much more organized. I can't help them do their charting. And it's a rarity when they are able to help me because they are so wrapped up in their own little world to even notice that I might need some help.

True you're helping them and they should sometimes return the favor:), but genuine help should not seek the give and take. You truly help when you realize the other person is swamped and would need assist. When you help because you MUST be paid back, you sound the way you sound now- Disgruntled!

[Katie5]

Well I disagree with those who say nursing garbage is just the same as in any other profession.

I had 20 years in another profession. One that required me learning the nuances of other business in order to do my job. So... I have worked closely with many different professions. I've dealt with tough people, but that's what I call an intellectual tough. You square off on skill,/knowledge and negotiating/navigating. In nursing I don't see intellectual sparing at all. It's petty childish fighting that's done with no mind for the fallout (patients). I haven't quite decided in my own mind if I consider nursing to be "professional" yet. I will have to work with people who actually see themselves as professionals in order to do that. IMHO, I hope I'm not forced to have to make the same conclusions as the OP.

In a nutshell! Both with the novices & the experienced, all you see is petty squabbling- over who said what, who is the more liked or favored, who seems to have a better workload....constant comparisons and petty jealousies.

I've seen some nurses old enough to be my parent(putting it mildly), get jealous over childish, embarrassing things and it just makes me cringe. I mean, here you are holding up this person with that respect and esteem you would give and older-than-you person and the person is what..petty. I find it embarrassing for myself and them. I have not been properly equipped to deal with situations like that, ie not giving respect, so the gloves, will GOD willing, NEVER come off. Now to my colleague, age-wise, it would come off , real quick..lol. But otherwise, I find myself in this limbo and just plain....embarrassed.

But what did we expect? It's a woman's world!

[RhiaRN75, RN]

Long post warning! Opinion in progress. Before you flame me, please know I'm not talking to "you" on a personal level. I know that some nurses eat their young- there's no excuse for that. I don't do it, won't do it, and can't tolerate it. My opinions stated here are not listed as an excuse for bad people- I'm trying to address the typical good nurse, because the majority of us are good nurses. We have flaws, but we're good nurses. So why don't we, the majority, the good guys, help?

There's a million reasons why. I'll aknowledge once more- Some people just suck. They never made it past middle school in terms of interpersonal relationships. Sad but true- and not unique to nursing.

Looking at issues that are unique to nursing- frustration is often the root of all evil.

Well, we're human, are we not? It could be that we are drowning ourselves and just can't help. Sometimes, we've helped someone as much as we can and they just need to help themselves a bit now. There are a few things you can't teach- the only way to learn is to say a quick prayer and just do it. Sometimes we work in such impossible situations we become numb. It could be that we just don't realize someone else needs help. We forget that the new nurse is new, especially if the new nurse is doing a good job. Some of us are not good teachers and we just can't explain how to do something that's second nature to us. Many times, especially in the ER, it's easier and safer to just take over. I understand if someone has never helped Dr. ER insert a chest tube. If someone is needing a chest tube right now, it's unlikely that there's enough time to turn the situation into a positive educational opportunity.

I personally will help anyway I can. Some things can't be sugar-coated, though. I'll be blunt, and I'm not talking to the OP personally, I'm just listing some reasons why even the nicest nurse says no. So.....

To 'help' is not to enable. I'm not doing your job for you. I'm not getting suckered into making your life easier, again, just because you asked nicely. I'm not going to coddle you when it's not needed anymore- put on the big girl undies and deal. It could be I won't help because I know you're ready, I have faith in you, I trust you to do well.... it's a good thing! I'm not going to 'help' if it's a good situation for you to finally go solo. (IE, nice doc, he likes to teach, you're familiar with the concept, and the pt is stable. You're on your own, it doesn't get any better.) I helped you with xyz before, and you didn't appreciate it/tried to turn it against me/complained that I did it wrong/didn't explain well/we didn't do it this way in school/asked inappropriate questions in front of the pt,family,doc/made inappropriate comments in a likewise manner/etc. I'm not taking over again just because Dr. Twit is working, he's not quitting anytime soon and we all have to deal with it. Same goes with the rude pt- you've avoided Mr. JA several times all ready- it's your turn. I won't take all the kids/psych/druggies for you. It goes with the territory. I once worked peds, but I won't 'help' you by starting every IV needed for all pts 18 and younger. I like trauma, but I can't abandon the pts I have now just because you don't like trauma.... tempted as I may be. I may be better at something then you are, but I once was horrible at it as well, you can't hone the skills if you avoid it.

It's been said before a million times, the ER is no place for a new nurse. I happen to work with a nurse who went to the ER right out of school and this nurse is doing a phenomenal job. I admire this person greatly. It's not the norm, though. We're a rough and rowdy lot, ER nurses. Most of us have a high degree of accountability and a strong sense of responsibility. We are impatient, blunt, have some serious skills, and don't back down. We have hearts of gold and realise gold is too soft and malleable, so we protect our hearts with balls of steel. If it's not needed, we don't care- that way we can care when we need to. Even the quietest and nicest of us have a fair amount of attitude. We discriminate against the healthy, that's our job. I'll provide emotional support if I can, if the ABC's of all pts are met I'm happy to get a pillow or sit down beside the addict and really talk. If the kid next door is about to crash and a healthy pt has waited two hours already, the chances of healthy pt leaving happy anytime in the next two hours is not looking good and I don't have time to be nice about it. No amount of inservice, healthcare reform, guilt trips, personal agenda, threats, rewards, etc. trump the ABC's. No amount of discussion on how it should be will change how it is tonight.

Could I say it nicer? Probably, but a pretty bow doesn't change the package. To the OP, I hope you reconsider nursing. It's a wonderful job- and the best thing about nursing is that there are so many specialities. Is ER right for you? Don't give up on it yet. With a few years of experience it could be your dream job. Were you treated fairly? Maybe not. Not all of them are good*. Every area of nursing has bad nurses, bad people. If the only reason you would ever consider grabbing a stethescope again is to eventually get out, you won't be happy working as a nurse in any environment. I'm not judging you, I don't think you're a bad person if that's the case- I just don't think anybody should do something they don't like simply as a means to an end. If this isn't the case, it's time to get back to it. The longer you wait, the less likely you'll go back- life is too short for that. Brush up on your knowledge, see what's available, and jump into it without letting a bad experience hold you down! You go girl! ... or guy, whichever applies :)

*(I recently had a discussion with another nurse concerning a friend's experience as a new nurse several towns over. I wanted to go over there and smack some decency into the staff- it was horrible. I take everything with a grain of salt- but it'd take more then a grain of salt, a shot of tequila, and a lime soaked in ativan to make me even consider defending those nurses. A classic example of how a few nurses really are horrible people.)