Why are nurses such back-stabbers? - page 14
Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some... Read More
Dec 22, '06I basically subscribe to this: Go to work, do your job. If you make some good friends along the way....GREAT ! If not.....then just do the job and go home. My patients say I am a wonderful nurse and I am good to my patients....so that's enough for me.
Dec 22, '06I am a student of life as well as books and must say , I use to think nurses were well rounded and educated people. I find a discussion on backstabbing quite futile and infantile at the same time. I have always had a problem curbing my comments to fit in at work, just happen to call it like I see it. So just to give you an answer to your question and a possible solution as well instead of some insipid opinion here goes,
they do it cause they are mean and insecure.
how to avoid it, don't give anyone at work, that you don't have something on yourself, any ammo.
1) never comment on a person who is not in a room.
2) try to see people as doing the best they can, regardless of how short
they actually come from being the best they should be.
3) if you have to comment, never say anything you would not say to that
person in person.
and by the way what does "off the cuff" mean to you. a throw away comment or a derogatory statement, if it was a negative comment my friend you not only continued the backstabbing trend but you also proliferated it as well.
Dec 22, '06There's an old rule in carpentry.."measure twice as you can only cut once." This might be adjusted for us Nurses to read," think twice before speaking once". Why is it that an assertive man is just assertive, but an assertive woman is a *****? Work place bullys and gossips are only empowered if you empower them. I agree with the Nurse that says, just do your work, find your social life in a social setting. BarneyRN
Dec 22, '06Quote from medic2ernurse2bSo wrong - in the dialysis clinic where I worked for 5 years we had a male LPN who put women to shame with his backstabbing and passive aggressiveness; as my husband (an ICU RN) confirms, men like to gossip and backstab just as much as some women do.Because the profession is predominanty women, and that's how women are.
It always comes down to the individual, and it is definitely not restricted to the nursing profession.
Dec 22, '06Re: Why are nurses such back-stabbers?
I agree with the above posts, but think it goes much deeper. Right to the core of a lack of satisfaction with ones own job performance. I also have worked out in the business world, but did not feel that it was as bad there as it is in nursing. I became a nurse at 43, 4 years ago, left floor nursing about 10 months ago because of a bad experience. I've been persuing other employment using my nursing license.
The job performance I speak of has to do with working conditons, how many times to you go home after your shift and feel like you did a good job and were able to accomplish all that was expected of you, i.e. patients requests, Dr. Orders, paperwork etc. Did it all get completed? I feel that the demand is greater that what can be accomplished. Therefore, you go home feeling less than adequate, which in trun pushes some or most to be backstabbers, to feel better about themselves.
Dec 22, '06Quote from SmilingBluEyesI don't know what to do about the back stabbing, I work in two places. One is for a Family Med Private practice...it is Utopia. Everyone loves everyone, it just happened...a few negatives left and we hired a few sweet people and it worked. My boss is not a manager so it was luck not the management...the employees love and respect him and team up to perfection. The drawback...not a lot of pay there...but it depends what your goals are at that time. I want to make money for one more year, but then I might go full time with him if there is an availability. I am a dedicated and quality worker, also an RN.It's not just women. I was in the military (predominantly men if you notice) and there was PLENTY of back-stabbing and dirt going down there, too. I hate when people blame it on being female. Most of us are NOT like that. Like anything else, the few really nasties stand out while those who are exemplary are barely noticed or recognized..
Sorry this is a hot-button issue for me, obviously. Also, consider that what you put out you get back. I have really and truly found if I kill them with kindness I get the same in return. I have great repoire with all my coworkers, as I treat them as I would have them do for me. Also, those who tried to chew me up, I took aside and made it eminently clear I would not tolerate it. They back down when you set limits, I learned, and quickly.
Another thing that you can't change so easily: if you are in a truly toxic environment, nothing you will do will change it, until you change jobs. Generalizing and complaining rarely will do it for ya.
My other job, something I always wanted to do, somewhere I worked previously and knew I wanted to work there....isn't so easy. The nurses are back stabbers, almost set you up in a mean way..the boss is good, very good. But what can you do....you need employees, and changes don't happen overnight. I was told I was too nice, how can that be?...didn't know that was a deficiency. So I am trying. I got so stressed out a few days I had to take off a day, and I had to go to my doctors but I wasn't really sick, but unable to work. I am off a few days, trying to regroup. I don't like being treated so harshly and unfairly. I am trying to toughen up on the inside, but I am not going to be "not nice" or join the back stabbers. If I have to work with their behavior, don't they have to work with mine...and respect it? Especially because I care about the patients, want to do a good job, and care about the facility.
I am home decorating my tree...am working the day after tomorrow and am thinking the whole time about how to approach this.
Good luck to everyone, and Merry Christmas....
Another thought....the oath...."do no harm"....does that include your co-workers....or is it specific to the physical harm of patients....if you think about it...if you don't create the most optimal atmosphere...one that includes employees and patients...you are doing harm. If ther is discontent among the employees....there is a trickle effect to the patient in one way or another, in one intesity or another. If your efforts aren't honorable....then there is harm being done. That is my take. I take the oath seriously, but not to say you can't have some fun while you are working....
I want to be the one to make a difference...
Dec 22, '06I thought it was interesting that awhile back there was a thread asking if nurses eat their young. Many of the responses contained similarities with this thread. Such as : It's not limited to nursing, nurses don't eat their young--it's just a stereotype, etc. But a poll asking the question "Do nurses eat their young?" elicited a 75% affirmative response.
If we had a poll asking "In your experience, who is more likely to gossip/backstab: Men or women?", would you be surprised when an overwhelming majority replied women? What does this mean? If most people believe something to be true, I think we have to give some credence to it.
Some people would like to paint an entire population with one brush.
Others would like to believe that no group can be characterized.
I happen to believe that some stereotypes are created because they are true.
Why don't we take a poll on this subject?
Dec 22, '06Nurses in general do eat their young....why is that even metnioned in nursing school? Because they are somehow proud? That's crazy. But there are the few nurse angels that will take a new nurse under her wing, and with the patience of an angel will mentor and guide them....it is then up to and boils down to what you are willing to sacrifice to take care of patients. I am not willing to sacrifice my emotional health, my physical health...my joyful attitude....I do want to take care of people but not in the middle of a negative world.....I can find other opportunities and still help maintain a positive atmosphere.
Dec 22, '06Quote from nurse hobbitthe million dollar question?? i think because of 2 things, 1 , they are jealous because you do your job and do it well and 2, because they aren't as great as they think they are and yes a third, some nurses need to stab other because they are missing something in their onw life and the only way to avoid that "thing" is talk about some one else.
just me and my thoughts.
Dec 22, '06:spin: Perhaps as nurses we should look in the mirror more often to empower our own self esteem so that we don't empower the behaviour that needs to be removed from nursing - bullying. Let's think team here everyone and keep what we say to what we would say to an individual in person. Let us nuture the future generation of nurses to be the professionals that nurses strive to be today.
Dec 22, '06I don't think either sex gossips more than the other, I think it's fairly equal. I do, however, think there is a difference in how the each sex deals with gossip. I'm a male nursing student and the last job I had was for an airline. At this job there was a fairly even split of males and females. Most of the females worked in ticketing and most of the males worked outside on the ramp with a few crossovers here and there. Anyway, it was like any other place as far a gossiping goes, it happens, it's just a fact of life. The women would gossip about so and so being a phoney kiss ass, and the men would ***** about so and so being incompetent and lazy. In fact, the two people who dished the most dirt in the entire place were both straight men working on the ramp. It was actually quite funny.
Back to the point. Although both the men and women do the same amount of gossiping..... women are more typically labeled gossipers for the way they deal with it. Men gossip and talk about each other but typically don't get hurt by it as easily as women. We tend to shrug things off a lot quicker and easier and, in a way, that diffuses a potential fire. Women, on the other hand, seem to get wrapped up emotionally in whatever was said and instead of shrugging it off, take it to the grave with them and whoever else happens to be in the way. Not literally of course..... but the point is that it has a bit of a snowball effect on the female side.
It's nice to be a man.... our memories are much shorter..lolLast edit by #1Gemini on Dec 22, '06 : Reason: Felt like it
Dec 22, '06Quote from aquamarinewhy don't you try it out on them? if they ever complain "you are too mean" tell them you are practicing how to "not be too nice" and thank them for the tip with an evil smile. i'll bet they won't know what to think then... loli was told i was too nice, how can that be?...didn't know that was a deficiency. so i am trying.
and for what it's worth, there isn't any way to be "too nice" that's a ridiculous notion fomented by those who don't know how to be nice.