Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 30

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   Kiringat
    After my ER internship:

    Bathe. Bathe often. While your at it, bathe your children. Often.

    No, I will not run out to get your some "Burga King" cause I'm just a student. Especially after the amount of vomiting you did in triage.

    If you bring your kid into the ER at 2 in the morning after he's been running a fever and vomiting for 3 days, don't freak and threaten to sue the entire hospital when we start an IV and draw blood on him.

    Yes, bad things happen when you start spitting and trying to hit your nurse. Especially when the four cops who brought you in are still out in triage...
  2. by   nrsang97
    Quote from sisukas
    "what's the magic word?"

    i have actually used that with some of my extremely demanding patients. that usually makes them stop and think about how they have been acting.
  3. by   Susan9608
    "My problem? You want to know what my problem is? It's funny you should ask. My problem, amazingly enough, is you ... you ******. Your problem, funnily enough, is also you. Because you're ****** crazy. And they really don't pay me enough to come in here and take care of your ****** spawn and listen to you spout off about all the ways we're screwing you over and wrecking little gorked out junior's life, but I do it anyways, because I'm a sucker."
    Last edit by UM Review RN on Jun 6, '08 : Reason: TOS
  4. by   imanedrn
    Quote from poopsie9466
    I had a patient that other day that weighed about 300 pounds, was a two pack a day smoker and ETOH abuser that would constantly yell at me about the hospital food, saying she only ate "organic." Oh, the many things that went through my mind to say. . .but I bit my tongue and went about my business.
    Organic cigarettes and beer: Maybe s/he grows his own tobacco, hops, and barley (pesticide free!), and rolls his own cigs (no added tar or other harmful chemicals!) and brews his own beer (without the use of any additives!)... :chuckle
  5. by   Fuzzy
    We have a client who says that she is allergic to the chemical smells in a vet's office. She says this as she goes outside for a good smoke. This is the same person who brought her small dog in for respiratory distress in the middle of the night. The first thing we did was place her little blue tongued dog in the O2 cage. We gave her a really stupid look when she told us that her dog was allergic to oxygen!

    Fuzzy
  6. by   onc nurse
    1. Tell your family member to stay in the darn room and quit stalking me down the halls every 5 minutes for ice.

    2. Stop asking specifically for the nurse when an aide is perfectly qualified for the job.

    3. Just because it's 8:01 does not mean your 8pm meds are late. Do not ask me for them. Stay in the room!

    4. Do not walk into another patient's room in the middle of a Code situation demanding a nurse change your Fentanyl....you're patch can wait.
  7. by   Kunzieo
    From the CNA side:

    No. We do not have chocolate pudding. We didn't have it last night when you asked, or earlier this shift when you asked. Vanilla is all we have. And no, I will not "talk to somebody" about it. Here is a guest comment card, if it matters that much.

    The time? It's 0300. Yes, that is very early, I wish I was sleeping too.

    If you stop moaning on inspiration, I bet you will have an easier time breathing.

    Stop grabbing my arm and digging your nails in every time we turn you. You've been here over a week and we haven't dropped you yet.

    I know you are uncomfortable. The nurse have given you as much medicine as she can, we have repositioned you 6 times in the last half hour, and I have applied heat/cold packs. There is no use in ringing just to tell me (for the 10th time in as many minutes) that "I huuuurrrrrt." We don't know what else to do for you. Go to sleep.

    Oh, get over yourself. The blood-pressure cuff doesn't hurt that badly, especially since I have only pumped it up to 110 so far.

    You'd like me to hand you what? You mean this box of tissues that was sitting right next to your call light?





    From the pharmacy side:

    The fact that you are allergic to pollen and animal fur is highly fascinating, but what I asked was if you had any allergies to medication.

    10 minutes is not a long time to wait for a prescription to be filled. Go across the street to Walgreens. They'll tell you 45.

    Nice try, but I think you can afford the $3 copay for your blood pressure med. The pack of cigs in your pocket and the fancy cell-phone that you haven't stopped talking into since you've been here gave you away. And trying to make me feel guilty by saying "I guess I won't take it, I hope I don't have a heart attack" won't work.

    I am not in charge of your insurance. Believe me, I wish I was, I'd get paid better. But I have no control over the amount of your copays, or your formulary list. I'm not a mean person, I want to give these drugs. But your insurance company will not pay for them, and I'm guessing you don't want to either, since it is well over $300.

    It's Friday evening, and you just NOW remembered that you are completely out of your medication and you have no refills? Gee. That's too bad. The label clearly states this fact. And no, I can't just give you some "to get you through the weekend." Have the MD on call from your clinic paged, if it's that big of a deal.

    You are allergic to all generics? Can you tell me what special ingredient they put in every single generic medication that you are so sensitive to?

    No, your MD has not called in your rx for vicodin yet, STOP calling me every 5 minutes.

    NO! There is no generic for Lipitor! (I only get asked that 10 times a day. "But the MD wrote atorvastatin..." Look, take it up with the FDA, not me)

    You've been on this med for 10 years, you really should be able to pronounce it by now...say it with me... ah-TEN-oh-lol. If you say Aah-tenol one more time, I may come through the phone line and strangle you.


    Whew!:heartbeat
  8. by   SoundofMusic
    No, patient family member, we don't give out "parking passes" to you and your other zillion family members who just camp out in this room all day just watching the patient (Geez, don't any of you ever WORK?). This hospital charges $5 a day to everyone to park here except employees. Parking is a priviledge. If we gave out passes to you -- then why would the hospital charge for it?

    Just think -- you're getting 24/7 shelter in an air conditioned room with a TV and you sometimes even get food trays when your family member won't eat or there are extras (since you try to bum one whever you get a chance). Isn't that worth at least $5 per day while you order nurses around all day and get free ice all day?
  9. by   Ms Kylee
    I swear, the third room on the right side of the hall is the helpless room..... every person that is in that room suddenly becomes helpless the second they walk through that door. They forget how to walk, eat, go to the bathroom, raise their hands and move them..... the latest one I cannot even begin to describe..... So lazy she won't even hold her own water glass. Told the nurse she's perfectly capable of feeding herself and I'm not going to do it.... Have a feeling she's going to be one of those ones that we'll never be able to get rid of either...What I really want to say is get off your lazy butt and do things for yourself... we're not being mean, we're trying to get you better so you can go home...
  10. by   talaxandra
    "Yes, the reason your thirty year old son is legally blind, has end-stage renal failure, gastroparesis and has just stroked is entirely because we haven't managed his blood sugar properly on his last two admissions. It has nothing at all to do with your management and care since he was diagnosed at age nine."

    "That's right - I'm deliberately withholding your husband's blood results from you at 2AM. No, it's not policy or anything, just me, being a cow. Oh! You're going to see the doctors in the morning? And nurses on other wards were always happy to print out his results? No problem - here you go!"

    What I actually said was - the other nurses may have been happy to depart from hospital policy but I'm not. If you're seeing the doctors in the morning I'm sure they'll be happy to go through the results with you - they've got access to them in their office.
  11. by   talaxandra
    One of my friends was fantastic - she has a cheerful obliviousness I wish I could emulate. My favourite was the time she had a dying swan who was hinting about tea: "Oh, I'd love a cup of hot tea" etc. Lynn said "Oh, I know - but I've been so busy all morning I haven't had anything to drink at all," then left the room.
  12. by   rph3664
    Quote from Fuzzy
    We have a client who says that she is allergic to the chemical smells in a vet's office. She says this as she goes outside for a good smoke. This is the same person who brought her small dog in for respiratory distress in the middle of the night. The first thing we did was place her little blue tongued dog in the O2 cage. We gave her a really stupid look when she told us that her dog was allergic to oxygen!

    Fuzzy
    Allergic to oxygen? What was her dog's name, Clostridium perfringens?
  13. by   rph3664
    Quote from Kunzieo
    From the pharmacy side:

    The fact that you are allergic to pollen and animal fur is highly fascinating, but what I asked was if you had any allergies to medication.

    10 minutes is not a long time to wait for a prescription to be filled. Go across the street to Walgreens. They'll tell you 45.

    Nice try, but I think you can afford the $3 copay for your blood pressure med. The pack of cigs in your pocket and the fancy cell-phone that you haven't stopped talking into since you've been here gave you away. And trying to make me feel guilty by saying "I guess I won't take it, I hope I don't have a heart attack" won't work.

    I am not in charge of your insurance. Believe me, I wish I was, I'd get paid better. But I have no control over the amount of your copays, or your formulary list. I'm not a mean person, I want to give these drugs. But your insurance company will not pay for them, and I'm guessing you don't want to either, since it is well over $300.

    It's Friday evening, and you just NOW remembered that you are completely out of your medication and you have no refills? Gee. That's too bad. The label clearly states this fact. And no, I can't just give you some "to get you through the weekend." Have the MD on call from your clinic paged, if it's that big of a deal.

    You are allergic to all generics? Can you tell me what special ingredient they put in every single generic medication that you are so sensitive to?

    No, your MD has not called in your rx for vicodin yet, STOP calling me every 5 minutes.

    NO! There is no generic for Lipitor! (I only get asked that 10 times a day. "But the MD wrote atorvastatin..." Look, take it up with the FDA, not me)

    You've been on this med for 10 years, you really should be able to pronounce it by now...say it with me... ah-TEN-oh-lol. If you say Aah-tenol one more time, I may come through the phone line and strangle you.


    Whew!:heartbeat
    except for one thing.

    Sometimes, knowing a non-drug allergy is important because it can be linked to drug or excipient allergies.

    When I worked in retail pharmacy, I got requests all the time for "atenol, Norvasec, Zorcor, and isorbride." One woman in particular was on all four and always apologized for mispronouncing them, and I told her it was okay because I knew what she meant.

    I'll take 10,000 people who mispronounce their meds but take them properly over one drug-seeker who knows how to pronounce the names of the drugs they abuse.

close