Taking things personally

Nurses Relations

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Hi all,

Does anyone have a problem separting what may be another nurse's plain bad mood to them being mad at you? I know we all have our "off" days, but when other nurses do I always think it's because something I have done. For instance a nurse seemed really annoyed at me today for something I did that wound up being no big deal. Well I've turned it into a HUGE ordeal in my head that she hates me, thinks I'm incompetent, etc!! Does anyone else get like this? How do you deal without going over everything in your head over and over again? It's starting to interfere with my own mood outside of work.

TIA!!

Specializes in Medical Oncology, Alzheimer/dementia.

1. Some people are just plain miserable.

2. Everyone is entitled to a bad day once in a while.

3. Sometimes it is all about you.

4. Sometimes you don't have anything to do with it.

5. No one ever said we have to like all people, all the time.

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I remember one time the charge nurse I was working with (in LTC) took my MAR when I was done with the end of my shift, and started looking through it. I got all butt-hurt and upset because the CN "was checking my work," and how dare she? Who was she to assume I made mistakes? She just had it in for me, I knew it! I was fuming until she asked to count narcs with me. Turns out she was taking over my cart for the next shift and was looking to see what all she had to do. Oops! Totally not about me! At that point I realized I was taking things way too personally and none of it had anything to do with me. Ego-check!

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Specializes in cardiac CVRU/ICU/cardiac rehab/case management.

Yes, been there and done it.

My philosophy now is ..... "If it's not your s**t don't wear it ! "

It's a simple motto that sets me straight every time .

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It pays to remember that in the movie of other people's lives your just an extra..... not a main character.

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I don't know why people are saying "it's not all about you" when you acknowledged this in your original post. I am very sensitive to other people's moods/emotions as well. While I'm not always successful, I try challenge my perspective when I find myself wondering if someone else's anger or frustration has anything to do with me. Remember you may have no idea what's going on in their life outside of work. Try assuming positive intent and reframing your thinking. One more thing, I read this book called "The Highly Sensitive Person" in nursing school; I found it really helpful. I don't know if you are one, but here's a link to the book just in case: The Highly Sensitive Person

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If someone's has peed in their cheerios, you don't have to eat them. You are there for patients, not popularity. Taking someone else's mood personally is a self esteem issue that you should think about exploring. Some people do have a hyper sensitivity to tension in the room, and because of any past experience can then reflect it upon themselvses. All that drama, they can tell it to Maury. Otherwise, do what you need to for your patients, you can't fix everyone all the time, nor should you attempt to. Yes, it is annoying when someone is definetely having a bad day. But no more annoying than if one is in the midst of trying to figure something out to have a co-worker say "are you mad at me?".....Really. With all due respect, stop it. You are doing nothing but driving yourself mad.

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Specializes in cardiac CVRU/ICU/cardiac rehab/case management.

Sensitivity is a strength not a weakness. We all seek validation,me too ! As you gain confidence as a nurse you will not be so affected by others opinion. It takes time. Try to develop your own practice and value that you have something very unique to bring to your pt...You!:D

I did a lot of comparing myself to others and ruminating about minor mistakes. This is something that in no way made me a better nurse and I wished I had learned sooner that I have the right to define my own practice. When I finally let go of others judgement s of meas paramount to my own only then did I then I feel happier.

Having sensitivity is a great gift to your pts. Celebrate it. Remember even if you have made a mistake, a mistake is the universe's way of telling you that you are still teachable. Gently, try to be patient with yourself.

Lastly as a sensitive soul recognize that people who act out are saying they are frightened in some way. If you see that root you can meet them with kindness and it won't feel so personal

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Thanks so much everyone. I know it's not "all about me", I'm just very sensitive and tend to assume that people are mad, annoyed or do not like me for whatever reason. My own issue I know. Mariebailey: I did just order that book yesterday!!! Glad to here it's good

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"Paper tiger." It means no big deal, it's not a real tiger. So you should not let it interfere with your own mood.

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I agree w/ mariebailey. I am surprised by the negative comments about the original poster's "ego" when it seems the issue stems from self consciousness not self centered-ness. I had the same problem. I was so concerned with my co-workers liking me and perceiving me as a good new grad. Their opinions' really mattered to me so I tended to read too much into their reactions/moods. Now I don't let it bother me; I don't have the energy to worry about that sort of stuff anymore. There will always be someone in a bad mood, don't let it effect you!

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I do want to add that my hypersensitivity stemmed from growing up in a volatile home environment. I spent my childhood walking on eggshells and trying to gauge another person's mood. As I was frequently blamed for what happened if I misread the situation, I learned to be hypervigilant. I now try to read others' moods and it's incredibly difficult to separate what I internalized as a child (I caused the anger/rage/whatever and can try to safely navigate through it), with reality in the world at large (people are in their own heads, and I do not play a part in that little drama).

Being aware of how and why I think and feel that way has made it much easier to take a step back at work and realize that the crotchety nurse with a bad attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Much less stress involved too, when I learned that disapproval did not always lead to violence.

That's my experience. If you've had experiences similar to that, maybe this makes sense.

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I Dont really care what people think about me or if they like me or not. If i dont say hello and smile cheerly, I may not like you or it probably has NOTHING to do with you. If I was leaving stuff undone or messes I wound expect these looks. Even if I had an awful shift. I do not care anymore

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