The Patient I Failed - page 29

by nerdtonurse?

373,006 Views | 321 Comments

She knew what she wanted. She'd watched her husband of 52 years die on a vent, and followed his wishes to remain a full code. But she knew that was not what she wanted for herself. So, she wrote a Living Will, had it... Read More


  1. 0
    We had this same scenario on the Neuro Unit where I work, only it was a son. It was so heartbreaking to us nurses and he was so disconnected with the reality of the situation. I have always had an ethical issue with how this happens. Its so sad to see and have to be a part of this.
  2. 0
    I hope you realize that you did help her die with what dignity you could. It is a shame her daughter put her through this, and a shame that the doctors did nothing to prevent her suffering. I hope that you realize that just by telling her sorry for what you had to do to her that it showed her what a wonderful nurse you are.
  3. 0
    Beautiful story. and a reality I deal with daily. LTC, family dynamics, staff opinions, dr's opinions, loved ones inability to let go...very stressful. Yet I get something else out of it. I do what I can do, and do it THE BEST i can do it...and pray for Gods strength to do it even though it may not be what he or I would want. My heart is comforted knowing HE will ask the questions, if they need be asked, HE will have the final say, if there's a "say" to be had...Leave it all in his glorious wisdom, for only HE will handle it as necessary. God Bless all the awesome nurses out there, for it is WE, who these folks really need and appreciate in their final hours! S. Kinsey LPN LTC/Private Duty <3
  4. 0
    Why do families do this to their loved ones...why? It breaks my heart every time I see this happen.
  5. 0
    Bless you for writing this I'm currently trying to pro-actively (legally) prevent a similar experience for my 88-y.o. mother. I have a brother who has other ideas. Sending an e-hug to you
  6. 0
    So beautifully written - and yes, I too am wiping tears from my eyes. I too have had to deal with patients/family members in this almost same story. I do not know why family members feel the need to prolong life when it is obvious their loved one(s) don't want this, and when everyone can see that it is only prolonging the inevitable.
  7. 0
    i feel like i could have written this...this is my job. eventually i will transfer to hospice nursing so that i can honor people's wishes instead of forcing them to suffer. :/
  8. 0
    Nursing has always meant providing care for the ill, providing all the comfort and care that I could possibly give. Many times I have seen family members demand repeated, tests/surgeries/procedures/meds/treatments, when the only thing that truly was required for their loved one was, peace, respect and a gentle touch. This poor soul knew what she wanted, had even taken time to write all that down. This family member only knew what they wanted/needed, never giving a thought to their mother and what she wanted. How is it that the Doctor could not step up and be an advocate for this woman. Scared to get sued?? Yes, probably. But he failed miserably in providing professional and compassionate care for this woman. He failed to respect her and honor her as a beautiful woman and honor her in death . I have seen Doctors that run away from a situation this and those that step up and advocate for the wishes of the person that lays in the bed, who doesn't want all the meds/procedures/tests/tube feedings/cpr/ICU/intubation.....Yes the family member was so self absorbed and didn't look beyond their nose to see their mother and what SHE wanted. I weep for this beautiful woman. And pray that she is at rest/peace now. I wonder if the family member is satisfied with what she has done, and I wonder if that MD can look in the mirror and not cringe, Death will take us all. We can not stop it, it's how we honor a person's death, that shows respect for their life. I have seen both sides of this story and I have been the one to pull the plug and say enough is enough while inside I cried and hurt for the loss of my loved one. But I know I did what they wanted, what was needed to be done, and I know one day when I face them again in the everafter they will say Thank You. Thank you nurse for caring. Thank you for your heart.
  9. 0
    tragic-all the way around. we can wonder where were the siblings??? this daughter had obv. not made peace somewhere on the road with her mom and felt she could be the woman her mom raised. so sad...
  10. 0
    very well written. brought tears to my eyes. we all have a story like that. i won't tell mine, because I want to keep the focus on your great post. really makes us think. i wonder what can be done, as we all have come across similar situations.


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