I always feel like I don't fit in! help!!

  1. I have been at my job for 5 yrs. why do I always feel like I don't belong? I'm considerate of my colleagues, I always offer help, help my tech, do my job, but it always feels like it's a cliche from high school and I'm left out forgotten ignored! I just don't fit in and it makes me sad. I don't know why??
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   Zombie_NSG_Student
    I have worked as a CNA for over a year at my current job, and I feel the same way.
    I'm polite, always willing to help when asked, and try to avoid workplace gossip. Within the last few months in particular, I feel like this avoidance of gossip had put me at a disadvantage: the other nurses and CNA's are always gossiping, and seem to bond over it. The floor has gotten very cliquey, and I just don't fit in. They sit at the nurses station doing each other's hair and go out to buy each other coffee's.

    I think a lot about my actions: did I alienate them? Have I been rude or untrustworthy? No...so now I'm just counting down the days until I pass my classes and can try another floor or facility and see if the culture is better.

    Is this your first position, or have you felt this way elsewhere?
  4. by   Hygiene Queen
    I've always been like that to a degree and on one hand, I sometimes yearned to fit in better, and on the other hand I was glad I was not part of any hurt feelings or arguments that often come with workplace "friends". I never got a birthday potluck, that all my coworkers did, until a newer employee realized this. It took 12 years, but hey.

    It was not that I was actively disliked. I was not. I just was not accessible. I was polite, did my work, helped others and was known for being funny as hell, but did I ever ask anyone out for lunch? Nope. Did I ever drop a friendly text? Nope. What I mean is, are you putting yourself out there and taking a chance. My avoidant little self never allowed me to do such a thing, but I'm certain if I had, I would have fared better.

    Is there anything about you that is holding you back? You can't change other people, but maybe reflect what it is you are-- or are not-- bringing to the table.

    I hate hearing about people feeling this way. I hope things improve for you.
  5. by   Penelope_Pitstop
    I've been there, and it's rough.

    Friends and family told me to just focus on my job and ignore the rest - hey, I was there to work, not make friends, right? Sorry, people can call me a snowflake all day but I know I take rejection very personally.

    I don't really have advice, but I do know on some level how it feels to be in your position. I'd been a nurse for seven years when I switched from MedSurg to ICU. The ICU coworkers who were also younger and childless at the time were best buds - they traveled together, had inside jokes and thus had each others' backs during working hours as well. I simply didn't fit in with them - I know part of it was my inadequately treated anxiety and depression but a big chunk of it was that I most likely was past the "let's get drunk at the beach!" stage in life. I probably wouldn't have really enjoyed partying with them, but it would have been nice to have felt as if I was included.

    I'd worked on two different MedSurg floors and I was close with both sets of coworkers. It was as if I was a member of a family. Looking back, though, I wonder if I was just a member of the clique? I don't remember there being a coworker who was left out of our fun, but there very well could have been. So it's possible they're so into themselves and each other that they don't realize you are being excluded - or they think you wouldn't want to be included.

    It's possible you aren't showing your personality while at work, too. I'm not saying that's wrong, but have you had any discussions with coworkers not pertaining to work? I'm very introverted but sometimes there are ways to open up without letting your guard down!
  6. by   JKL33
    Quote from Zombie_NSG_Student
    Within the last few months in particular, I feel like this avoidance of gossip had put me at a disadvantage: the other nurses and CNA's are always gossiping, and seem to bond over it.
    Take heart:

    1) You don't need to bond with people who spend time gossiping about and/or demeaning others

    and

    2) While you aren't doing that, you can actually do your job to the best of your abilities and learn new things/experience growth

    and

    3) There is no genuine "bonding" going on in that situation anyway, so you aren't missing out on nearly as much as you think you are.

  7. by   JKL33
    Quote from 93Brit
    I have been at my job for 5 yrs. why do I always feel like I don't belong? I'm considerate of my colleagues, I always offer help, help my tech, do my job, but it always feels like it's a cliche from high school and I'm left out forgotten ignored! I just don't fit in and it makes me sad. I don't know why??
    I ask this sincerely - do you want the drama and stress of high school; the constant jockying and game-playing and everything that goes along with it?

    Something to ask yourself/think about:

    Are you sad because you really want to be in a group - this particular group? Or do you feel anxious about what you think they might think about you? Those are two different things. In other words, is this a matter of you being genuinely lonely, or do you just need to learn how to be "comfortable in your own skin" without worrying so much what others think of you?
  8. by   TriciaJ
    I have found that most workplace friendships don't last long after one of us leaves. So it couldn't have been much of a friendship. Real friends find their way into your life and stay there. Everything else is just a clique.

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