Dating Patients

hypnotic_nurse · Jan 21, 2005

the older i get the more i feel that this policy is an infringement onmy rights, to associate with others. however i have certainly complied. any way any feed back would be appreciated.

I think the policies are not meant to infringe on your rights but rather to protect the rights of people who may be at an emotional disadvantage.

This is especially true of the MD/patient relationship in which the all the power is on the MD's side. It's not quite as bad for a nurse/patient, but the nurse STILL has more power than the patient, who is dependent upon him/her.

That cute guy that broke his leg and came through ER and then runs into you later at the grocery store and asks you out is one thing. That guy whose wife is dying of cancer and you hook up a week later is something else. As is the whole thought of the nursing home patient hooking up with an Anna Nicole Smith (Marni, you made me laugh) or Ruby's icky ex-husband (who must be a twin of MY exhusband!).

twoheadlines · Jan 21, 2005

Interesting topic - nurse dating a patient that is. Had that happen to me. I was the patient, in a British, Royal Navy hospital back in the 70's. At the time I was being admitted on to the ward, other patients - all sailors - were playing the games that sailors do - asking the on duty nurses for a date. I joined in the "fun"

Thirty two years later, our family is well grown up and we - one of those sailors' and nurses', have two lovely grandchildren.

My wife retired just over a year ago. I'm the Registered Nurse now, and the law today would have prevented us - legally, if not morally - from dating. I guess I'm glad the whole world hadn't quite gone to hell in a hand cart all those years ago, but in this day of safe professional conduct, I'd want to be pretty sure of my relationship with "the patient" before "risking" a date with a patient.

winn · Jan 22, 2005

Anyone here ever date/go out/marry a patient. I personally have never done it, but have seen it happen....i recall one time a male nurse dated a patients daughter...We got her on our floor one day after she attempted suicide, he had cheated on her.
Another employee dated a patient and married them........They both were married prior.......
Just curious if anyone else has seen this[/quote
Yes, I have seen nurses date patients, investigated by the board and sometimes disciplined.

KrisRNwannabe · Jan 22, 2005

I don't think you can help who you find attractive etc, but with that said....I would hold back until they have been discharged. no humping the pt in the hopital!!. THat being said my aunt met my uncle while he was in the hospital after he was in a car accident and broke many things. they waited until after he was discharged and then started to date. they were married 2 years later, married for 7 years, divorced for 5 years and then got married again they have been together 20 years now.

Blackbird · Jan 23, 2005

Curleysue, that's a gorgeous story - good for you!

It proves that nurses are human and that sound judgements can be made.

My cousin married her patient. They have three kids, a house, a mortgage and two cats. He came in with two broken legs from a skiing accident and three months into caring from him requested that she be moved to another department because they were falling in love. She was up front, honest and took the possible consequences on the chin. None were forthcoming. She had a good reputation, was a respected practitioner and when the wedding was held, half the staff attended and a good time was had by all.

I love being human sometimes.

RN-2006 · Jan 23, 2005

Curleysue, that's a gorgeous story - good for you!
It proves that nurses are human and that sound judgements can be made.

My cousin married her patient. They have three kids, a house, a mortgage and two cats. He came in with two broken legs from a skiing accident and three months into caring from him requested that she be moved to another department because they were falling in love. She was up front, honest and took the possible consequences on the chin. None were forthcoming. She had a good reputation, was a respected practitioner and when the wedding was held, half the staff attended and a good time was had by all.

I love being human sometimes.

You gotta' love happy endings! I do. :balloons:

travis818 · Jan 23, 2005

What about all of the nurses who have married soldiers who were their patients during wars? I can't pass judgement on that, or say that I blame them in any way. There are many lines that I think shouldn't be crossed, but I can't bring myself to say that this is completely wrong as some have.

I fell in love with my wife the first weekend I met her. I don't think anything would have changed that... we have been through so much already, and had to deal with so much crap. The latest of which is her current deployment to Iraq. Yet here we are. There were tons of reasons we probably shouldn't have found each other, her being about 9 years older than me, or her almost being finished with her masters degree, while I hadn't even started college yet. So if she would have been my patient, I don't think it would have stopped anything...

This kind of thing is going to happen... it's not always a bad thing.

-Travis

FNimuaeMae · Jan 23, 2005

My last semester of nursing school I was dating a coworker who was also a CNA at the nursing home we worked at. All well and good til I passed boards and start working there as an RN and was technically his supervisor. A situation came up where he was accused of abuse by a new CNA (who was actually causing all sorts of trouble for everyone... and he didn't abuse anyone!) and they were working with me, and my good word for him didn't mean squat because of our pre-existing relationship. NOT a good situation....

Missy

bobnurse · Jan 24, 2005

I bet for every postive outcome there are 50 negative ones.

weesyanne · Jan 24, 2005

I know several situations where the nurse and his or her former patient dated and married. It is very common. I also know of one situation where the nurse dated the family member of a former patient and it did not turn out well. I have only been attracted to a patient once or twice, and I let it pass without comment and kept my demeanor professional. I think if a year or two has passed and you just happen to encounter them somewhere and you want to date, then fine. But I understand the feelings of you who don't. The majority of patients are very unappealing and unattractive to me due to their dependence on me to meet their needs. I can't be attracted to someone who has just whined to me about his predicament or whose butt I just took a look at. Sorry, I hope this doesn't offend anyone out there. I have been a patient myself and I had hairy legs, bad breath, and unkempt hair, so I sincerely doubt anyone working with me found the least bit attractive.

saltydad · Jan 24, 2005

Many years ago before I was married I did date a patient, but only after she had been d/c'd. We only dated once...no big deal. I did date several coworkers, and ended up marrying my ex-wife (who was in another dept. at the time we met). (BTW...we were married for 28 years before we split up). I would never have a relationship while they were still my pt.

LPN1974, LPN · Jan 25, 2005

My mother found her last husband in the hospital. She was the nurse, he the patient.

Let's see, that's been about 40 years ago.

He is deceased now, and she's still living.

I wish to God she had never married the man. Nothing but trouble since the day they started dating. They probably didn't have rules back then like they do now.