Being an ugly nurse

Nurses Relations

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Hi folks. My questions in this thread are actually more serious than they'll seem...

We've discussed at length here how awesome it is to be a young, hot nurse. Well, how about if you're old and ugly? The first strike against me is I'm male. The second strike is I'm going to be past 40 by time I finish Nursing school. My hair is thinning a little and I've got a mild case of rosacea. I'm somewhat overweight, but I've also got a condition known as Diastasis Recti which makes it look like I have a beer gut. I never was a cute little kid to start with and never got to be "young and hot" like everyone else. Basically, I'm at tops a step up from your standard Level 4 bridge troll. In real life, if I'm too nice to people or too eager to help them with anything (an innate flaw of my personality) it somehow translates to "creepy" instead of "kind". This disqualifies me from L&D and Ped for sure, but I'm fine with that.

When a classmate of mine tells people he is going into nursing, the responses he gets are usually "*swoon* nothing like a hot male nurse!". When I tell people, I usually get stuff like "You'll be useful for all the heavy lifting and cleaning up".

Surely some of you Studly Guys and Lovely Ladies have had to work alongside someone who looks like they stepped out of the Mos Eisley Cantina scene before (and I don't mean that in the cool way). Even if the ugly nurse is reasonably intelligent, competent, fairly personable with a great sense of humor and doesn't smell bad, would their dodgy appearance make them more prone to:

1) Discipline for mistakes.

2) Lateral violence.

3) Getting a bedpan dumped in their locker

4) Patients being 'creeped out' in the presence of an ugly old man

5) Jealousy from co-workers (see Mos Eisley comment above)

6) Getting hired in the first place

7) ???

I'm not becoming a nurse to go hit on all the hot young female nurses (as my friends seem to believe) so I'm not overly worried about dating prospects. It's a job, it's a career and I'm driven to help people.

The people I work with now love the crap out of me because I'm good at what I do, I'm good at understanding what THEY do, I'm good at getting everyone and everything to work together and I make the work environment fun and enjoyable with humor and good cheer. However, we're all a bunch of computer/Star Wars/Lego/DnD geeks and we don't work with the public a whole helluva lot.

But nobody goes to a hospital to see ugly people, right? Should I just pack it in and join the circus instead?

I know you were serious with your post, but you actually had me laughing out loud. Really! After my day today, I would have thought that to be impossible. You have a wonderful personality. Just let that shine, and don't worry about the other stuff. I would love to work with a kind nurse, instead of hateful, non-caring ones ( too many of those already, sad to say). We are always our own worst critics. Change the things that you can, and learn to accept the things you can't. You have to be happy with you, or no one else will. :)

Specializes in Med/Surg, Tele, Dialysis, Hospice.

You sound like just the kind of guy that I would love working with. I am in my late 40s, happily married for almost 25 years to a guy who still thinks I'm da bomb, and couldn't possibly care what my co-workers look like or what they think of MY looks! I get so tired of working with "hot, young nurses", both male and female, who make it apparent through their behavior and work ethic that they went into nursing to either meet doctors (hot, young FEMALE nurses), or to meet hot, young female nurses (hot, young MALE nurses). And if anything, I think it has the exact opposite effect that you are fearing. Instead of patients thinking more of exceptionally young, good looking staff, they seem to be intimidated by their looks while at the same time being fearful of their perceived lack of skills. Think, "bimbo". Hey, it's the oldest story in the world, I didn't write it, I'm just sayin'...to a lot of people, particularly older people who wouldn't care if you looked like Uncle Fester, young and hot = incompetent. Throw in the way that most of the young cuties talk ("Like, OMG, like, whar did I leave that IV pole, OMG???!!!!"), and believe you me, the vast majority of patients would rather have you taking care of them than Hannah Montana, Version Generation X.

Go for it, you sound like an awesome person and the profession needs more people like you. :)

The ugliest person I ever worked with was (on the surface) drop-dead gorgeous... but man! What a jerk he was!

Just present yourself the best you can and let your good personality and strong work ethic do the rest.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

Lateral violence, without a doubt. Getting stepped over for promotions, yep. I think it's easier for a guy, though, not to diminish what you're dealing with. I would much rather have a co-worker who maybe didn't fall off the handsome truck, but was smart, a good nurse and had your wicked sense of humor. Your Mos Eisley crack made me laugh. I think a lot of people here would like to have you on their unit.

According to Ani Difranco:

and god help you if you are an ugly girl

course too pretty is also your doom

cause everyone harbors a secret hatred

for the prettiest girl in the room

In other words, we're all in trouble (I'm kidding). Nursing is a profession where your looks are NOT detrimental to career success. Modeling, yes. Stop being mean to yourself; leave it to the patients & physicians (kidding again). Good luck in school & nursing.

Let me put it like this, when I went to the emergency room for my first ever kidney stone in June, I wouldn't have cared if the Hunchback of Notre Dame was the one bringing me that demerol drip! So, no, I don't think your looks are a big deal. As a patient all I cared about was being in the care of knowledgeable, empathetic, caregivers. Keep being the you that you are

Wow. OP, you have no idea how off base you are. I understand your concern but there are a lot of qualities about yourself that are going to get you hired instantly. Okay, for starters, you said you were male. You have no idea how desirable that is. It's not discrimination. For the most part, I had a better time working with males than I did females--no cattiness and since they are a guy, they tend to be able to lift more. Which brings me to the next thing--you are tall and slightly large. That build actually lifts more than small frames and thin. I know because I am smaller framed and on a "lighter" side of normal weight. I can lift okay but it's nice to have those larger people to help lift. I know I have had patients when I teched that would wish there were more heavy people to help move/lift them.

Your looks do not disqualify you for peds or OB. Kids don't care; they tend to be friendly if you are friendly to them (sense of humor helps) and OB is hit or miss anyway as far as guys. It's not you. Some women don't care if they have a male nurse in there helping deliver their kid. Many women have male OB/GYNs; not like a male nurse would make any difference.

Oh, and all three guys in my graduating class had jobs lined up right after graduation. Good luck with nursing school.

No way! I think that personality can Trump anything. Don't waste your nursing skills and passion for helping people on something as superficial as looks. If a hospital isn't going to hire you because of looks then I don't think that is a hospital you would want to work for anyways because that means that they value image over quality nursing care. When our patients are in the hospital, sick and maybe even in a life or death situation they aren't going to be thinking '' woah woah, look at this troll'' they will just be happy that you do your job really well. To be honest, as long as you are an excellent nurse which it sounds like you are, that's what your patients will remember. So don't give up! We are in this profession because we are good at making people feel good :).. Regardless of what we look like.

Most of my patients are 90+ years old in the ICU. I'm half their age, and they think we are all beautiful, lol. I really don't think it matters. My unit ranges from 23 - 65+ and they are all great nurses. We don't really care what anyone looks like, just so long as you don't stink, lol!

Specializes in Med/Surg, Tele, Dialysis, Hospice.

Another thought: instead of focusing on your looks, your patients will probably be feeling self conscious about their looks. Let's face it, we see them at their absolute worst--bed head, bare rear end hanging out, those ugly non-skid socks on their hairy, white legs, major bad breath, vomiting, yelling in pain, etc., etc., etc. It's very humbling to be a hospital patient, so who really cares what your nurse looks like when you're busy being mortified at how terrible you, the patient, look?

I don't know how many times over the years I have had a patient make a self deprecating comment about how they look, smell, or whatever, and even on nights when I thought I looked my absolute worst some patient would inevitably tell me how good I looked, how pretty my eyes were, etc. which always took me off guard and made me realize that other people really don't see us the way that we see ourselves, because most of us are way too hard on ourselves, including you. So hey, stop beating yourself up over something superficial and go for your dreams. There are many celebrities who hate their looks and have had wild amounts of success in their chosen field simply because they didn't let their self image stop them from going for the gold. Why should you?

Mofomeat - It seems you've already had success in the workplace, and people like you. That alone makes me think you'll probably get along just fine in your next endeavor. One of the things I was (and sometimes still am) nervous about when starting my nursing career was whether my co-workers would like me. There are mean people everywhere, and I was dreading working with a large group consisting primarily of women. Let's face it, women can be catty and unpleasant when working in close proximity with each other. However, I've been fortunate in that I get along with everyone where I work. I've always been upfront about my faults and things that I need to improve about myself personally and professionally, and I treat people with kindness. Most people appreciate that. I think you'll find that if you stay the same person you always have been you'll be fine. As cliche as it sounds, you're there for your patients, so focus on providing them with the best care possible. People respect that. And the ones who don't will cause problems for everyone...not just ugly people. Best of luck to you!

Oh my, I posted a week or so ago with similar concerns, only mine were about my weight and not my looks. The advice and support I received were very, VERY helpful. I can tell you that I am a hard worker with a big heart and a never ending sense of humor, and I think it will take me far, big hips or not. The same will go for you. I have been in and out of the hospital many times over the past seven years, and to be quite frank I didn't give a hoot what the nurse/doc/tech/janitor looked like. I was sincerely thankful and grateful to them for providing me with the best care they could. And if anyone ever makes a disparaging comment, kill them with kindness. My plan is this: if anyone ever calls me fat or makes fun of my weight, I will just smile and say "thanks!" and go about my business.

Trust me: nothing makes intentionally nasty people angrier than NOT being able to get to you.

You will go far. Don't think about it for another second. You have the drive, the passion, and the personality - now go fulfill your dreams!!

Wishing you the very best,

RD

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