Appropriate reaction to rude behavior?

Nurses Relations

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Greetings my fellow nurses!

I am actually not officially a nurse yet (I am sans experience aka never been employed as a nurse so.)

But... I have a family member who is a nurse. She frequently tells horror stories about patients and doctors being verbally abusive at work. Being a kind of introvert... who isn't very good at confrontations/conflicts but may have to face similar issues in the future. This worries me a lot. So I was wondering what are the appropriate ways to handle this kind of treatment?

Personally, I think it's odd that they allow themselves to be spoken to like lesser human beings. I don't know if she's just exaggerating but when I listen to her tell these stories... it puts me off nursing a little. However, I don't think you're just supposed to stand there and take it when it happens. That would make no sense... Surely, there's a way for you to inform them that it is wrong or to protect yourself from the potential emotional trauma that these kinds of things may incur upon you over time.

So what do you do when a patient or doctor is being rude/offensive to you?

It's entirely possible that your family member is not exaggerating. And I understand why it would be hard to believe that nurses sometimes take so much crap from patients and staff. As the first poster said, there are many, many reasons why.

As for the patients, the American healthcare system currently operates in the "patient satisfaction is king" mode. 24/7 visiting hours, waiting on folks like waitresses, etc., all in the name of positive customer service surveys. So we swallow hard and take as much as we can until physical violence happens or is threatened. Then we call security.

As for rude doctors, that problem has been around forever and a day. These days, nurses are certainly more empowered (in most places) to stand up to inappropriate MD behavior. But sometimes that's easier said than done. As a somewhat timid "older" new nurse (40), I was so shocked at some MD behaviors that it took me a long time in practice to build up the cajones to stand my ground and insist on appropriate language, tone and behavior. In my opinion, you have to have some confidence (experience) in your position on whatever the issue is to be able to assertively stand your ground in the face of rude, loud opposition.

Yeah. I'm weirded out by it... having to maintain a certain attitude for patients to have a positive experience. It makes it easier for nurses to be mistreated or misperceived as just i.e. "waitresses" "doctors handmaids". I suppose, given my personality... I'll most likely end up doing the last part... standing my ground (with good reason, of course). I'll just be as respectful as I can be about it. Thanks for the response :)

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My advise is to always try to deescalate with patients and their families by ignoring rudeness and giving out information. You don't have to kiss their butts in the process.

There is an art to dealing with rude people, I advise you to develop it, instead of trying to get respect by being rude back. Being surly will accomplish nothing. It will tend to escalate the situation. It lowers you to their level. It is unprofessional.

Now, with co-workers, well they are more like family. If someone is being consistently rude to you, you should call them on it. Sometimes, with colleagues, you need to set boundaries with some tough love.

Wow... thanks! That's what how I originally planned to tackle it when it happens to me. Just provide relevant information, if needed and continue to do a good job... With co-workers (maybe patients as well)... I would let them know what I think if they are being rude. The thing I was worried about was telling a doctor if they're being unprofessional. My family member just lets herself be berated... so I wondered if it's prohibited to talk back to doctors without putting your job in jeopardy.

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Thanks for the responses everyone. I appreciate it :)

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Some folks are just rude most of the time, and some are just rude some of the time; others are perceived as being rude, often due to circumstances and timing. Every case is different, and should be judged accordingly.

Case in point: Many years ago, I was Charge Nurse on a night shift and one of the most arrogant docs in the place starts in on one of the other nurses, a guy who does not suffer arrogance any more than do I, although he would be more likely to pound the rude person into the floor. The doc comes in and starts yelling at the nurse, who then appeared ready and willing to pound the doc. I stood behind the doc, motioning to the nurse to not let it escalate. He and the doc stood down, and the nurse then took it to the V-P of Medical Affairs, who then reprimanded the doc. Problem solved, although the rest of us would have taken up a collection for bail and legal fees if necessary. ;)

Fast forward several months on another night shift... the doc pulls the same stunt with me (he is known for "testing" everybody to determine what they will tolerate). He loudly questioned the use of a device used in the ICU, maybe trying to make us look bad in front of the patient. I politely replied, "this is what we use here in the ICU." He rudely asked again, and I again replied as before. Finally, on his third attempt in as many minutes or less, he repeated his question and I replied more forcefully, "because that is the way we do it here... got it?" He backed down and since then I have had no problems with him and his attitude.

To his credit, I will add that he has mellowed quite a bit over the past several years. :)

The result (bottom line) is that I do not tolerate rudeness between any staff at any level, nor do I tolerate rudeness from patients and families. How I deal with it depends entirely upon each situation.

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Specializes in MICU, SICU, CICU.
honestly, my best advice for dealing with rudeness is to have several jobs. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket with one full-time job, get your hours from a combination of agency, PRN, temp, part-time, and/or non-nursing work.

You naturally have a totally different mindset, body language, confidence level, etc. when you know that no one person controls your ability to make a living, and that you'd be just fine if you were let go or wanted to leave one of your jobs. (also, this may vary by specialty and location, but I find that full-time positions are the hardest to get; it's a lot easier to get part-time, PRN, agency, temp, and seasonal work. This also gives you more flexibility.)

Honestly? I rarely have to deal with any rude behavior because I have the confidence that comes from literally not caring if I keep my job or not (because I have several others).

Excellent advice! Well said.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
It's not that I don't do well with stress... on the contrary, I work better under pressure than in a more leisurely environment. I was only asking because I wanted to know the parameters in which I could act to effectively deal with a situation I may encounter in the future. (being yelled at or belittled by patients or doctors)

If you go looking for something, you're sure to find it. If you don't go looking for rudeness, you're likely to not find very much of it. The rare rudeness you do fine can be addressed much the same as you'd address it elsewhere -- unless, of course, it's a demented or delerious patient. Then you just suck it up as much as you can and remind yourself that it will be a good story to tell later.

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Specializes in ICU.

I have actually found the people I have encountered in healthcare to be overall less rude than when I worked different customer service jobs.

Occasionally I get yelled at, occasionally someone is rude... but I'd say it happens no more than once or twice a week, and it's usually brief - like getting hung up on or something. I remember working at a hotel and getting yelled at for half an hour (only person on duty, no management to refer them to) about the internet service provider and how I was a total incompetent, useless waste of space who should be fired because I couldn't magically get the internet to work. I haven't been yelled at like that once since I've been in healthcare. In fact, I have worked at 3 hospitals as a RN, and I haven't actually been screamed at by anyone since stepping into this role. So, chin up - you will encounter rude people, but you just might encounter them less than if you worked a basic customer service job. :)

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I have actually found the people I have encountered in healthcare to be overall less rude than when I worked different customer service jobs.

Occasionally I get yelled at, occasionally someone is rude... but I'd say it happens no more than once or twice a week, and it's usually brief - like getting hung up on or something. I remember working at a hotel and getting yelled at for half an hour (only person on duty, no management to refer them to) about the internet service provider and how I was a total incompetent, useless waste of space who should be fired because I couldn't magically get the internet to work. I haven't been yelled at like that once since I've been in healthcare. In fact, I have worked at 3 hospitals as a RN, and I haven't actually been screamed at by anyone since stepping into this role. So, chin up - you will encounter rude people, but you just might encounter them less than if you worked a basic customer service job. :)

Yup. I agree... the people I've encountered in the healthcare field so far have been very nice to me. Even the ones I took classes with... they seemed to be more my type of people and I could imagine getting along with them in a work setting than the ones I worked with at a job unrelated to nursing. But yeah, I'll just watch out for the ones who deviate from the norm... hehe Thank you for your encouragement hehe I truly am grateful for it. :)

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