Can all parents really make good decisions - page 4

What help is there really available for a hoplessly ill infant with bilat grade 4 bleeds, deaf, blind on an oss vent with C02's in 100's,ph's 7.00-7.007 septic, hydroceph with shunt, on Vec gtt,... Read More

  1. by   mauigal
    amen ! amen !
  2. by   mauigal
    amen!
  3. by   mom23RN
    That is so very sad for the baby. I truly cannot imagine watching my child suffer so (well... I guess she isn't watching him and that's the point). I guess for me it was quality of life over quantity. I didn't really have that much say in the end, but I was the one who asked medical personel to stop resuccitative efforts and let my son pass peacefully.

    My son was born with a congenital heart defect (pulmonary stenosis). He had heart caths, open heart, lung plications, etc. He came home when he was 9 weeks old for one week. He unknowingly developed NEC a week later and was rushed to our local emergency room very near death. I talked to the ER doc and to his pedicatric cardiologist a couple of times during his treatment. The last time I asked to talk to the doctor I asked if they were doing chest compressions and she said "yes". I looked at her and asked her to stop all measures to save him and please let him go.

    As a parent it is the worst thing you will ever have to do. Be the one to ask someone to let your child die. But, for me, it was the kindest and most loving act I could do. I (me alone) was the one to give him peace and a beautiful end to a very hard life. For me that final decision had nothing to do with me or my feelings (I would have loved him and cared for him forever) but for him. It was the biggest gift I could give him was to no longer struggle to stay here with us but give him peace.

    I think alot of it has to do with all sorts of factors. Social, educational, spiritual, religious, moral, etc. For each person their view on how they wish to keep their child is truly one only they can understand. I can look at someone who has struggled to keep their child alive and think "I would never do that" but maybe for someone who has no one else or no other children just to see that sweet face is what keeps them going.

    I know it's hard for those of us in the medical profession to understand but sometimes all these people have is their child. I guess it's one of those things you can never say what you would do until you are standing in those shoes looking at your child wondering what is next.

    Personally I think there is more to the quality than quantitiy. Personally I would find it difficult to watch my child struggle so hard. Am I doing it for them or for me?

    What a horrible situation for everyone involved. I hope that whatever happens happens quickly and the child can either go home (not that it sounds like much of a home to go to if mom can't even get there to see him) or go HOME to a wonderful place.

    (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) to everyone who has ever faced this no matter what teh outcome was.
  4. by   Gompers
    Quote from mom23RN
    As a parent it is the worst thing you will ever have to do. Be the one to ask someone to let your child die. But, for me, it was the kindest and most loving act I could do. I (me alone) was the one to give him peace and a beautiful end to a very hard life. For me that final decision had nothing to do with me or my feelings (I would have loved him and cared for him forever) but for him. It was the biggest gift I could give him was to no longer struggle to stay here with us but give him peace.

    ((((((((((((( mom23RN )))))))))))))

    You are a very special person, and your son was blessed to have you as a mother. Thank you for your post. I'm so sorry for your loss.
  5. by   2curlygirls
    mom23RN I am weeping! I'm so sorry.

    I've seen parents like you in our unit on occasion (often cardiac issues). I have such admiration for them.
  6. by   kate1114
    Quote from mom23RN
    I talked to the ER doc and to his pedicatric cardiologist a couple of times during his treatment. The last time I asked to talk to the doctor I asked if they were doing chest compressions and she said "yes". I looked at her and asked her to stop all measures to save him and please let him go.

    As a parent it is the worst thing you will ever have to do. Be the one to ask someone to let your child die. But, for me, it was the kindest and most loving act I could do. I (me alone) was the one to give him peace and a beautiful end to a very hard life. For me that final decision had nothing to do with me or my feelings (I would have loved him and cared for him forever) but for him. It was the biggest gift I could give him was to no longer struggle to stay here with us but give him peace.
    (((((((Mom23RN)))))))

    How loving and selfless of you!!! I think that this is the absolute worst position that a parent can be in. Your decision took a lot of courage and maturity. I had a former coworker who had been in a similar situation, losing a son with a cardiac defect. Twenty years later, she was still tearful, but still believed that she did the right thing for her son.

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