How do You deal with Man-Hating Female Nurses?

[PrisonrNurs]

I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.

One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.

OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?

[GingerSue]

I've seen it happen to male staff because of female staff, and I've experienced it from male staff towards female staff.

Either way it's unpleasant.

[FuturenurseCA&O]

Just curious...

Any hospital policy on what is considered professional conduct? If so, this is something you might want to keep in that documentation folder at home, and refer to it often.

Should you ever need to speak to your supervisor about this, its much more impressive if you know policy well enough to educate them, and then provide clear, irrefutable examples of behavior that breeched this policy, and how it has made your job tougher, jepardized patient care etc.

How is your repport with your supervisor?

~D

[Jay Levan]

Jay, come on down here to Florida! Believe me, you'll find work--and next to the majority of patients, you'll be considered a youngster!

:chuckle Thanx Angie O'Plasty, been there done that, and as I am sure you noticed, I am very near retirement, have roots and chains on me which may be a good thing. Jay

[Jay Levan]

Hi~

Another female here....chipping in.

I would echo the previous post...excellent advice. Now something for your psyche....how to deal with this emotionally day in and day out.

My mother gave me great advice....she said there are 3 ways to deal with a problem~I run through these three options to this day whenever I have a problem. Solve it, ignore it, or get away from it. Let's review these options:

1. You can solve it straight out. Since you don't have any control over anyone else's behavior but your own this is not an option here.

2. You can ignore it. This is an option. These women do not have to like you, they just have to work with you...and create a safe non-hostile work environment, that promotes good health care. Those that don't do that ignore...don't react (document & report to your superior) ala the excellent post above. I have a degree from another discipline...and once had this inexplicably b*chy secretary. When I approached her, I mimic'd her behavior--didn't say Hi unless she greeted me, I was pleasant and professional, but didn't go out of my way. My point is don't try to be their friend...do you job, and document & report if needed.

3. You can get away from it. This you can do to with time. Turn it into an opportunity, and look for a position with better hours, pay, bonus, whatever. Take your time and negotiate hard, while you have a job.

So sorry this is happening to you...good luck.

~D

As above, 1) Solve it straight out, considered Aggressive by females. What you are writing about is confrontational according to female nurses (I have been told this by Nurse Managers!) 2) Ignore it, considered weakness by females (I have been told this by Nurse Managers) 3) Move away from it, to this suggestion I ask "How many times must I MOVE?? Once, twice, twenty, one-hundred???? If discrimination were solved by ignorance and Nomadic behavior, we would have a country full of Nomads! :angryfire

[mattsmom81]

These are my thoughts on this issue...after many years as a nurse.

Nursing is a difficult field with numerous stressors, one of which is the dyfunctional behavior too many nurses fall into, due to dysfunctional workplace. Finding a 'goat' is a common theme I've witnessed in my many years as a nurse.

Unhealthy units will develop 'someone' who is different, or perceived as weaker, etc who then becomes the unit scapegoat. It can be a guy, a girl, an activist personality, etc.

Thinking this is just a 'guy vs girl' thing is a victim mentality on its own IMHO. Its much deeper than that in healthcare today. We are a sick profession that must heal itself.

In a way these 'guy vs girl' threads are further dividing us on the real problems in this profession. I know you guys need to vent, but it isn't just guys who get this treatment out there.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

These are my thoughts on this issue...after many years as a nurse.

Nursing is a difficult field with numerous stressors, one of which is the dyfunctional behavior too many nurses fall into, due to dysfunctional workplace. Finding a 'goat' is a common theme I've witnessed in my many years as a nurse.

Unhealthy units will develop 'someone' who is different, or perceived as weaker, etc who then becomes the unit scapegoat. It can be a guy, a girl, an activist personality, etc.

Thinking this is just a 'guy vs girl' thing is a victim mentality on its own IMHO. Its much deeper than that in healthcare today. We are a sick profession that must heal itself.

In a way these 'guy vs girl' threads are further dividing us on the real problems in this profession. I know you guys need to vent, but it isn't just guys who get this treatment out there.

I heartily agree. At least with the 'goat' part. I'm sure that's a lot of the "eating their young" behavior we're all tired of hearing about, too. I am not entirely convinced the whole profession is sick, but in some quarters it surely ain't doing too well.

I'll also concede there's been a fair amount of guy vs girl stuff, lately, but I don't really think that has to be the point of the whole forum. My limited experience has been that guys don't have it all that bad in nursing--though, clearly, there are some who have--but even under ideal circumstances, it is different for boys, and for a lot of us older boys, it's a lot different from what we grew up with.

Hopefully, we'll get past the venting and into more constructive stuff.

[RN34TX]

These are my thoughts on this issue...after many years as a nurse.

Nursing is a difficult field with numerous stressors, one of which is the dyfunctional behavior too many nurses fall into, due to dysfunctional workplace. Finding a 'goat' is a common theme I've witnessed in my many years as a nurse.

Unhealthy units will develop 'someone' who is different, or perceived as weaker, etc who then becomes the unit scapegoat. It can be a guy, a girl, an activist personality, etc.

Thinking this is just a 'guy vs girl' thing is a victim mentality on its own IMHO. Its much deeper than that in healthcare today. We are a sick profession that must heal itself.

In a way these 'guy vs girl' threads are further dividing us on the real problems in this profession. I know you guys need to vent, but it isn't just guys who get this treatment out there.

I'll agree with about 80% of that, particularly about these issues further dividing us as a profession.

But you could easily say that about the threads of ADN vs. BSN, RN vs. LPN, etc. and although I agree that we have way bigger problems to discuss than these debates, I don't think that it's right to dismiss them as if they are not important at all just because we need to discuss bigger things.

IMHO, it's these little things that, if remain unresolved at least to some degree, will keep us from progressing as a profession and to be able to tackle the bigger things.

I also disagree with the victim mentality thing to an extent but I can see your point.

My point is this:

Consistantly getting assigned the heaviest and/or most combative patients just because I'm a guy is not a victim mentality, that's real life in the day of a male in the nursing profession, and I don't ever recall getting a gender shift diff or any type of compensation for it, I got paid the same as a female, just expected to pull extra weight and risk more back injury for the same pay.

I also don't think that anyone meant to imply that it's only the guys who get this type of treatment, but gender is one of the many ways to get singled out at work and get treated badly.

[anonymurse]

I'm still a student, heck, just started and already felt the heat. But 1 of the 2 most promising pieces of advice I've gotten was simply this: "Nurses aren't very nice to nurses." So it's my decision not to take it personally. I figure I'll have my turn, then someone else will get it for being too sexy, another for being too quiet, another for being tattooed, anyone for being promoted, whatever.

[Jay Levan]

These are my thoughts on this issue...after many years as a nurse.

Nursing is a difficult field with numerous stressors, one of which is the dyfunctional behavior too many nurses fall into, due to dysfunctional workplace. Finding a 'goat' is a common theme I've witnessed in my many years as a nurse.

Unhealthy units will develop 'someone' who is different, or perceived as weaker, etc who then becomes the unit scapegoat. It can be a guy, a girl, an activist personality, etc.

Thinking this is just a 'guy vs girl' thing is a victim mentality on its own IMHO. Its much deeper than that in healthcare today. We are a sick profession that must heal itself.

In a way these 'guy vs girl' threads are further dividing us on the real problems in this profession. I know you guys need to vent, but it isn't just guys who get this treatment out there.

Sorry MattsMom, but as I see the original thread was as stated above, and as usual, from my experience, the female finds a way to deflect or redirect the issue that was the original debate. I give you that, females often devour their own gender as well as the opposite gender. For what reason do you suppose? Weeding out the "Weak" Hmmm? I do not feel that I am weak, on the contrary I am a very strong personality. As I wrote earlier in this thread, I have tried all the suggestions. I have been confrontational at times, when I felt it was the necessary path to follow. I have been the class clown, to try to lighten things up on the unit, when I felt that was necessary, I have been the "Cook" for the unit, and dished up some scrumptious meals in my time as a nurse. I have ignored those that I thought were superfluous, only to have the "Enlistment" of others to her cause :angryfire I believe that I am responding to the original thread not trying to make a new one, are you??JOMO

[anonymurse]

as usual, from my experience, the female finds a way to deflect or redirect the issue that was the original debate.

I'm just quoting that line so I can step back and admire it without distraction.

[GingerSue]

and as usual, from my experience, the female finds a way to deflect or redirect the issue that was the original debate.

- interesting, this was the sentence that I noticed too.

[mattsmom81]

Absolutely right, females have no right to express an opinion here. So sorry. Carry on with the self rightous indignation that female hatred for men must cause their problems in the field; please enjoy enjoy your misery. Who am I to distract from that. LOL.