Angel@MyTable 4,798 Views
Joined Jun 3, '08.
Posts: 188 (30% Liked)
Nobody does anything to "deserve" anything bad . Some things have consequences that are the result of something someone else did or didn't do. And sometimes stuff just happens.
What strikes me in listening to other people's stories (whether here, or on TV, or people I know) is that any of us are able to function at all... but we do.
I know some people who were neighbors and church members where I grew up going to church. Several years ago, the youngest committed suicide after a battle with some depression issues. In a facility. On suicide precautions. In her closet. Her roommate found her; they got her back "enough" to declare her brain dead, and her organs were donated....totally different situation, but a kind of loss for them (and MUCH differently for those who knew her) that is indescribable. It will never make sense. There will never be enough answers to take care of the vast loss that has been left.
Because of your childhood, you are probably already a survivor in how you go through life. (I know my childhood allowed me to survive an assault that was to end in my murder). Because of that, you have a perspective on many things that other people don't really grasp- through no "fault" of their own- it's just not the same frame of reference. :redpinkhe
My guess is that your purpose is to be able to grasp what is going on behind the surface presentation of someone, and possibly get them help that others wouldn't even think about. Or to help comfort someone who has lost someone to an inexplicable loss because you "get it"...and don't resort to cliche's that those without the horrible awareness of those feelings rely on, in genuine attempts to 'help'. While nothing is ever "worth" having that frame of reference, it can be used for profound good= and give some sort of meaning to the horrible loss. Or history.
It's amazing to know how many walking wounded are out there. That each of us has something in our history (recent and/or remote) that defies understanding to someone else, who has something that is incomprehensible to me. It sort of makes us all parts of one big whole- that we can help each other to fill (or at least help with some relief of) the 'holes'.
As painful as experiences can be, my only way to deal with them is to try and help others...otherwise, it's just too hard to accept that it was all just for 'nothing' ... there are many things that I wished had never happened. But they did- and if I can do something to help someone else out, at least that helps the pain a bit for me- and hopefully more so for someone else.
I hope this comes across as I mean it
During orientation are you there full time? Are they ever flexible about when you can come such as days or nights? I am in the process of starting to look for a job so I was curious of how the orientation process works.
What do I think about life? *sigh*
Well, my childhood, and much of my adulthood was less than "desirable." But I've tried to make the most of it.
I come from a lot of familial dysfunction (alcoholics, addicts, and every form of abuse you can think of), and was told I was an unwanted child.
I was a single mom and did a pretty good job with raising my first 2 boys alone. I was CNA, and with child support, we survived. I made a decision to go back to school at 42 (RN). My middle son went off to the Air Force, and then my oldest moved out on his own. I started school Spring 2006, finished pre-req's and was accepted into the nursing program. The summer before I was to graduate from nursing school, my mom (who I hadn't seen in over 10 years) found out she had Stage IV Adrenal cancer. Yep, just as we were working on mending our broken relationship. She was so proud of me for how well I was doing. She worked full time up until the terminal Dx, and died within 5 months, 3 months before I was to graduate from nursing school. Cool, right?! My oldest son was fortunate enough to be able to go see her after the Dx, and I have a picture of him, and a few of my other nieces and nephews who were able to drive out to AZ to see her (I hope you can see the attachment). My son is the one with the blue shirt and is wearing a beard. My mom passed 1/8/10 at approximately 6:30pm; my step sister called me to let me know; guilt consumed me, but I still pulled out a 3.57 that semester and graduated with honors. I passed my boards with 75 questions, and found a job a few months later (no small feat in MPLS job market).
Three weeks after I started my new job, 11/17/10, something happened that changed my life, something I will never recover from, and something no mother/parent can imagine, or fathom. After dropping my youngest son, Ben off at school, (it was my day off), and I had just sat down to eat a cinnamon roll, and do some homework (I was in my second session at Chamberlain RN to BSN program). My phone rang at approximately 9:30am. It was my oldest son's room-mate calling me to tell me he had found my son. His alarm had been going off, and Robert was usually at work by the time he got up. He was dead. My precious boy had taken his life. No warnings, no threats, just out of the blue, or so I thought. Robert had hung himself. My mind initially couldn't comprehend he was gone. I wanted to hear that he was found in time, and at the hospital. I fell to my knees and wailed; I howled like an animal. This is NOT right, NO, NO, NO!!!! My mind raced a million miles a minute. I sent my little guy to stay with his father, and family for a few weeks while we made arrangements. I had to call the AF to get a hold of my other son who was in Afghanistan. My oldest sister took me to see Robert at the funeral home 4 days later; I was so scared at first, but he was beautiful ( I know it sounds weird), he looked peaceful, like he was sleeping. I stayed with him for quiet a while. My ex and I decided on cremation after the viewing, and burial next to 2 of his (my ex's) sisters in their family plot in MI. Since my sons suicide, there have been a lot of things come to light which led to his decision to take his life. He had recently been Dx with anxiety, and depression and was put on Zoloft (sertraline) about 5 weeks before his suicide, along with his Dx at 13 type I DM. He was dating a woman on and off 9 yrs his senior who was bipolar, and an addict/alcoholic. Not only did he talk to her about suicide, and then neglected to tell me, his father, or step mother (who loves him like her own child), she also messaged me some pretty messed up stuff on FB. There is so much more back story, but I won't go into it.
Almost a year later and I still find myself in shock my boy is gone. My stomach still drops when I think about him being gone forever. I often "wish" I'd get cancer, and have just enough time to make sure my baby is grown, and then go to be with Robert. I've read most of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross books, which has helped me resolve many issues I've had with death, and look forward to seeing my boy again.
So, what do I think about life?
I often wonder what is it that I could have done that was so bad to "deserve" some of the crap that has been handed to me. I've never cheated, or intentionally set out to hurt someone. I have never committed any "major" transgression. I have always tried to be good.
So, I ponder the reason for my existence on this earth. Why am I here? What's my purpose? I have come to the conclusion that I have time left to do a lot of good here, and make my life mean something. I am moving to Tucson, AZ to be close to my son, his wife, and my grandson. Robert was integral in Bens life; he was more of a father to his little brother then his father was/is. My hope is to get into a Carondelet facility in Tucson which has RN to BSN, and BSN to MSN programs. I plan on finishing my BSN, which was interrupted with my sons passing, then MSN, and DNP. When my little guy is grown, my plan is to care for those less fortunate in developing countries like Haiti, and Africa. I don't really care about money, or objects/stuff anymore, it's so pointless. We can't take it with us. If we go to "heaven" I'm sure we don't sit around and brag about all the crap we accumulated while we were alive. I would love to take a nice vacation or two, I want to be comfortable, but I strive to be of some significance here. I want to know that I accomplished something here on this earth.
Sorry for rambling. A sad anniversary is quickly approaching, and I am feeling very much alone. A lot of people have moved on, especially family (sisters/brother) who are not equipped to deal with this.
I miss him so much, my eyes well up, and a get a huge lump that I cannot swallow down.
Never worked at either, but having been a pt at one, and having friends working at both, St Joe's is more respected... St Mary's is in a much rougher part of town, and is STRAPPED. St Joe's has a better rep, and some great resources, esp if you have any mother/baby interest... Personally, I spent 28 hours in the St M's ED w/ a ruptured Appi. before it was a "Oh, You need sx!" really? St J's seems to be a better learning experience, anectdotally.
"~I am hoping to snag a position at a Carondelet hospital (SM, or SJ ideally), as they have a RN to BSN, BSN to MSN programs, and I would love to get a position and plant my feet there for a good long time." Try for St J's over St M's... speaking from experience... "
I've been at my job exactly ONE year as a new grad, and I received exactly THREE days + ONE day with the admissions nurse (with an admit who refused to be admitted, so basically I did nothing). Three days on the floor as a new grad on a CRAZY busy TCU with way too many high acuity Pt's (LOTS of geri-psych)!! My floor also is primary care: we pass Rx, do Tx, and all charting: comp & paper, we are also required do many of our Pt ADLs (toileting, ambulating, etc) and our average Pt load for any given day is 6 (occasionally 5 or 7). Often times along with many of our other duties we have admits and discharges to do. To give you an idea how bad things are, we've lost 9 RN's in less than three months!! I can not wait to get the heck out of that place!! I will be moving to Tucson AZ Jan 1st, and have begun applying for jobs out there, but I've injured my left rotator cuff rushing in the AM while transferring, and I've got to get it healed before I move (my first EVER workman's comp injury, even while I was a CNA I never lost anything more than a day out on a sore back)!!
BTW~I am hoping to snag a position at a Carondelet hospital (SM, or SJ ideally), as they have a RN to BSN, BSN to MSN programs, and I would love to get a position and plant my feet there for a good long time.
RIP Robert John, my sweet boy! I miss your beautiful soul!
1/28/83 ~ 11/17/10
Is it necessary to get the Leddy and Peppers book for the Transitions class? I start on Monday and would prefer to find a way NOT to purchase the book. All suggestions wanted.
Ortho/Neuro is an excellent place to start too!
I've been at it for about 2 mos., and still no luck! I hope I can say I have a nursing job in the near future too!
I'll be starting on the 30th as well, taking Socs350: Cult Diversity and NR351: Transitions in The Nursing Profession, I'm so excited! Originally I was set up to start over a year ago, but life events got in the way. I've heard nothing but great things about Chamberlain! One of my co-workers and friends from nursing school just graduated with his BSN from Chamberlain in July.
I'm hoping to graduate next August with my BSN. I need 12 credits, kinda bummed that my Anthropology course didn't count as a humanities elective, but, what can you do?
Has anyone gone on vacation and continued with 2 courses at Chamberlain? I'm going on vacation for 10 nights on a cruise at the end of October, and it was suggested to me by my admission counselor to only take one class that session. However, my cruise leaves October 27th, which means I will only be away for the first week of classes. I plan on investing in some online minutes aboard the ship to log into the courses. Any advice would be great!
I start the RN to BSN next month on the 30th! I am more excited than I thought I would be since I just graduated from RN in May, and passed the boards in June!
I have 10 classes to take too!
I have been looking for an RN-BSN program that would be a little quicker to complete than the brick and mortar schools in my area (total would have been like 3.5 years....TOO LONG). So I started to dig around on AN and found some very helpful threads, and posters (Lunah and a few others) and I decided to jump into the Chamberlain program. I should have everything set up to start at the end of August (yeah...just graduated with RN and passed NCLEX), but like miss Lunah above, I am still in study mode, and don't want to quit or take a break!
Thanks everyone for all of your helpful hints (I checked out several other accredited online RN-BSN, but Chamberlain seemed like the best fit for me).
YaY! I am soooo excited to get started, and to think in a little over a year from now, I will have my BSN!
Good Luck to ALL July (and beyond) NCLEX takers! This is the final step in your dreams to become an RN!
My school used HESI as a tool to figure out weak spots, so we could study appropriately for the NCLEX. In that context, I think it is an excellent tool.
We were told NOT to study for the HESI, and I was given what my weak points were: Delegation & Prioritization; worked on those extra and passed the boards last week!
Thank god my school doesn't make it mandatory to pass HESI, but then again it has a pretty good NCLEX pass rate. I think what happens sometimes is that schools use HESI to "weed out" those that they feel may not pass NCLEX, and in turn, "boost" their NCLEX pass rate (kinda sneaky if you ask me).
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