backstabbing co workers - page 2

how do you deal with a bully co worker that has othe r nurses acting just like her? these women are cruel and vindictive, and go after anyone that displeases them. Im sure this bully nurse has been... Read More

  1. by   sim
    Thanks lovely lady
  2. by   schwalmys8862
    write her up. if she is leaving confused pts on the commode alone that is a danger to the pt. thats what nm's want is documentation.
  3. by   k-yeager
    My advice is to try and not take it personally. Realize that these people are unhappy and miserable in their lives. If they're treating you like__, they're probably that way to others they encounter. Taking on this perspective helps me defuse my anger and give them the benefit of the doubt that they're not singling me out for their abuse. I then confront them.

    I remember one time a nurse left a couple of nasty notes for me on her late night shift implying I'd left some work undone for her to have to finish. The notes were placed where all staff returning the next morning could see them. I felt I had to approach everyone and clear my name. After confirming w/ the MN and other nurses that I was in fact carrying out my duties correctly, I went armed with the facts to this women when she was alone in the break room. I said to her, "First of all, you've been wrong both times in your little notes. Secondly, you've left these discrediting notes out for all the doctors and nurses to see, strategically it seems, so that I cannot possibly seek out all who read your little notes to rectify my name. This is really pissing me off! So the next time I find one of your little notes, it had better be about something possitive and if you should feel the need to point out a legitimate gripe in a note to me because you can't possibly reach me in person, it had better be placed discretely in my drawer for only me to find. :angryfire Thirdly, I thought that we had a great working relationship, but lately it seems you're being pretty sh tty. Are you angry with me and do we need to talk about something? Or are you just going through a hard time right now?
    The nurse immediatly broke into tears of apology. She explained that she was angry with her cheating boyfriend of seven years, whom she could not leave, and it was making her crazy. She did not want to be at work and especially did not want to work a late night shift. To make matters worse, her flirtatious sister was up to no good with her man at all family functions, so she wasn't looking forward to the holidays.
    I now understood that the nurse left those notes in a fits of rage that had nothing to do with me at all. I hugged her as she sobbed telling me that she new she knew she was snaping at everyone which complicated things more because she thought we were all talking about her behind her back. She said she was so relieved that I called her on it and gave her a chance to explain her uncontrolable behavior. I told her that I accepted her apology and that I would be there for her anytime she needed to talk, and to let me know when she's feeling bad, that I would go the extra mile for her.
    From that time on the nurse left positive notes to me out for everyone to see.
    I saved a couple of them, she wrote:

    "Hi! Hope your weekend is fabulous! You're my bright spot when the day gets long! Thanks for being such a great co-worker and FRIEND!
    Love,_________"

    I know I'm not myself today. I'm sorry. It's not you I'm just real depressed this week; better luck next week!

    "Hey Cupcake! Just wanted to say have a great evening! You're one of a kind & a joy to work with!
    Love_________"

    This was an unusually great outcome. You can't expect this to always be the case, but we might be suprised to find out how many depressed people there are out there.
  4. by   schwalmys8862
    Quote from k-yeager
    My advice is to try and not take it personally. Realize that these people are unhappy and miserable in their lives. If they're treating you like__, they're probably that way to others they encounter. Taking on this perspective helps me defuse my anger and give them the benefit of the doubt that they're not singling me out for their abuse. I then confront them.

    I remember one time a nurse left a couple of nasty notes for me on her late night shift implying I'd left some work undone for her to have to finish. The notes were placed where all staff returning the next morning could see them. I felt I had to approach everyone and clear my name. After confirming w/ the MN and other nurses that I was in fact carrying out my duties correctly, I went armed with the facts to this women when she was alone in the break room. I said to her, "First of all, you've been wrong both times in your little notes. Secondly, you've left these discrediting notes out for all the doctors and nurses to see, strategically it seems, so that I
    cannot possibly seek out all who read your little notes to rectify my name. This is really pissing me off! So the next time I find one of your little notes, it had better be about something possitive and if you should feel the need to point out a legitimate gripe in a note to me because you can't possibly reach me in person, it had better be placed discretely in my drawer for only me to find. :angryfire Thirdly, I thought that we had a great working relationship, but lately it seems you're being pretty sh tty. Are you angry with me and do we need to talk about something? Or are you just going through a hard time right now?
    The nurse immediatly broke into tears of apology. She explained that she was angry with her cheating boyfriend of seven years, whom she could not leave, and it was making her crazy. She did not want to be at work and especially did not want to work a late night shift. To make matters worse, her flirtatious sister was up to no good with her man at all family functions, so she wasn't looking forward to the holidays.
    I now understood that the nurse left those notes in a fits of rage that had nothing to do with me at all. I hugged her as she sobbed telling me that she new she knew she was snaping at everyone which complicated things more because she thought we were all talking about her behind her back. She said she was so relieved that I called her on it and gave her a chance to explain her uncontrolable behavior. I told her that I accepted her apology and that I would be there for her anytime she needed to talk, and to let me know when she's feeling bad, that I would go the extra mile for her.
    From that time on the nurse left positive notes to me out for everyone to see.
    I saved a couple of them, she wrote:

    "Hi! Hope your weekend is fabulous! You're my bright spot when the day gets long! Thanks for being such a great co-worker and FRIEND!
    Love,_________"

    I know I'm not myself today. I'm sorry. It's not you I'm just real depressed this week; better luck next week!

    "Hey Cupcake! Just wanted to say have a great evening! You're one of a kind & a joy to work with!
    Love_________"

    This was an unusually great outcome. You can't expect this to always be the case, but we might be suprised to find out how many depressed people there are out there.
    you have a great attitude and are admirably assertive!
  5. by   Town & Country
    K-Yeager, thanks for posting that! Great story and congrats.
  6. by   SweetieRN
    Many hospitals have polices now about bullying and sexual harrassement. I would speak with your nurse manager. We have one of these at work too - well, she's not really a bully - but just a mean & nasty person who hates her job. The problem is that she is "bestest" buddies with the nurse manager, so unfortunately we just have to put up with her. I steer clear of her myself!
  7. by   johnson0424
    as a nurse manager, i could go two ways. 1. let ya'll duke it out for yourselves ya'll are adults and should be able to stand up for what you think is right/wrong..(although through many yrs of mgmt i have seen alot of babies that call themselves adults). I would intervene as a NM when i causes problems with continuity and care of the patient. If this happens i would pull you both aside and get both sides of the story and that it would not be tolerated in my unit. i have nurses that dont like one another but they do what they have to do...when i was a floor nurse i had an 11-7 nurse i hated to give report to b/c she always asked me tons of questions and some i didn't know the answer to and she made me feel really worthless. I confronted her one day and she stopped her behavior. Maybe you need to pull this "ring leader" aside and talk to her and tell her what you are feeling but also stand your ground...YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON AND A GOOD NURSE!!!
  8. by   mandrews
    Quote from qje999
    how do you deal with a bully co worker that has othe r nurses acting just like her? these women are cruel and vindictive, and go after anyone that displeases them. Im sure this bully nurse has been a bully all her life. her co horts seems to like her and go along with her. the head nurse is no help.in fact no one over the head nurse will help with this either. how do you stop these nasty women. ?
    I work with two such bullys that are best friends. I realized that i was my own worst enemy because i tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and be somewhat friendly to them. On numerous occasions they turned around things i said to hurt other people or spread gossip. people like this do not want to make friends.
    I am still friendly but when they ask my opinion or they ask me about a coworker I tell them I do not know anything about it, or i say i don't know i've never thought about it. They pretty much leave me alone because they can not get any information from me.

    melissa
  9. by   mandrews
    Quote from qje999
    how do you deal with a bully co worker that has othe r nurses acting just like her? these women are cruel and vindictive, and go after anyone that displeases them. Im sure this bully nurse has been a bully all her life. her co horts seems to like her and go along with her. the head nurse is no help.in fact no one over the head nurse will help with this either. how do you stop these nasty women. ?
    I just remembered my supv told me one day about some nurses that she kept reporting to the don and nothing was done so she started WRITING THEM UP but she always made a copy of the report because she knew the don would throw it away. One thing led to another and the big boss asked the don about the situation and when she said she was unaware the supv pulled out her copys and told him she didn't understand why she was not aware. MY LESSON FOR THE DAY WAS IF YOU WRITE SOMEONE UP MAKE A COPY OF THE ORIGINAL.

    MELISSA

    MELISSA
  10. by   steelcityrn
    usually these types, i have found, spend more time causing problems then solving them. my way of dealing with them is ignore< ignore< ignore! keep my head up, keep giving the best nursing care that i can. sooner or later, these types fall on their a@@ !!



    [color="yellow"]sure the steelers won the super bowl, but i want to say it some more.....:hatparty:
  11. by   EDGRADNURSE
    work with two such bullys that are best friends. I realized that i was my own worst enemy because i tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and be somewhat friendly to them. On numerous occasions they turned around things i said to hurt other people or spread gossip. people like this do not want to make friends.

    Sorry you are going through this. I completely commiserate-going through the same thing. Two bullies-sometimes three.

    I went to the manager with a fellow co-worker to back me up. This co-worker witnessed the bullying and comments. I felt I needed back up because I didn't want the NM to think I was being oversensitive. I needed evidence.

    The NM had a talk with everyone re: code of conduct etc. Made no bones about the fact that this behavior would not be tolerated on the unit. Bless him, he's a good, fair manager.

    Now it has turned into silence, a fake "HI!" when the manager is there and complete snubbing when management isn't there (like, not responding to "hello").

    I cannot take it. When I go to my regular shift, I have to work with these people. I'll probably leave because this soap opera is wearing me out.

    Hope things work out the best possible way for you!




  12. by   liljsmom02
    is there a "soap opera" in every hospital? the bully on my floor is the only male nurse (the other two good ones left the unit because of the drama). last night our only LNA was in the ER because she got hurt. he sat on his rearend while i answered every bell, toileted all his patients and had to do a full bed change. i had a 7 pt assignment which included awoman dying of kidney failure and a young girl detoxing from heroin. i realized as soon as i got home that i didn't sign offf a nitro patch that i had removed so icalled the nurse who relieved me and told her so she could leave the med sheet out for me to sign when i got there tonight. so tonight i had a onw patient assignment because it was a one on one mentally challanged preson who just had surgery and was pulling out all of his iv's and tubes all day. i was relieved for a few minutes to call the surgeon. this nurse started ranting and raving that if i wasn't so concerned with calling my kids to say good night i would have signed the sheet off. he went on and on about people like me who spoil their kids.(by the way he's in his 50's and still lives with his mother) i didn't realize iwas spoiling my 2 yr old by telling him i loved him before bed every night. later on the surgeon called me back so i went to the nurses atation in front of the room to speak to him. my patient was asleep and i could see him. when i hung up the phone, the pt rolled over and started to slide out the foot of the bed. this nurse was walking by and watched me run into the room and catch the pt before he totally fell out of bed, looked me straight in the face from the doorway and said "wow that was close" and kept walking. when i lifted the pt's legs it startled him and he woke up and started kicking. he kicked me in the abdomen and the nurse never helped me. i am 4 1/2 months pregnant. i am okay but it's the point. what next, is he going to say i am spoiling my child by letting it spend nine monthes in the womb?
    i apologize. i read this thread and needed to vent.
  13. by   firstaiddave907
    i agree with you tweety .You stand up for yourself. You call them on every nasty move they make, if they make it to you otherwise you have to mind your own business. You don't give them power over you. You use the chain of command.
    i would stand up for my self and anyways it sounds like this bully nurse needs a job change or an attitude adjustment

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