Tempers, bullies, and self created chaos!!

[squirly]

Things are getting really squirly in my program.

Started w/ 25, we are down to 21. We are almost done w/ the first semester of a 3 semester LVN program.

The cliques that were formed are starting to breakdown and turn on one another. Lots of petty gossip making the rounds. Lots of finger pointing about who is doing well and who is just SAYING they are doing well.

The bullies are identifying easier targets and trying to really make them feel stupid ALL the time. Makes you want to just smack them. I know it's from their own insecurity but this program is HARD. Trying to make yourself look good by making someone else look bad or point out flaws that are usually not flaws at all but their own personal opinions is just really low.

EX:

Bully: (Walks over to me and looks at the chapter I'm studying) You shouldn't study like that. You should work on the material as it's given for the next test coming up.

My reply: why? I have an A in that class. I need to concentrate on the class I DON'T have an A in.

Bully: No, your wrong.

Me: Well my A says I'm right. So we'll agree to disagree. (said over my shoulder as I walk away shaking my head).

Needless to say she's moved on to a target that will actually listen to her. I won't. I just walk away.

We have a few who are embroiled in their own self created chaos...everything from being late continually which is a major distraction to those of us who show up on time and pay attention to lecture, lots of family problems (of their own making), driving everyone else crazy by practically brusing their classmates everytime they want to emphasize their point across by punching whomever they are talking to (think Elaine on Seinfield "GET OUT!" as she pushes him). Some classmates are WAYYYYYYY too close, bordering on inappropriate relationships (why let a little thing like MARRIAGE stand in their way ), the ones that and SIGH loudly whenever someone asks a question or shares their experience, or my favorites.....the ones that have an opinion on EVERYTHING, a story from a relative about nursing, or an illness that was along the same lines....makes me want to throw my book at them by the 12th interruption during lecture.

Crazy CRAZY stuff going down. I'm pretty patient but I catch myself biting my tongue CONSTANTLY. It's not my responsibility to 'fix' them or their issues.

I am just working the best I can w/ what I have but am being really careful not to get too close to anyone, yes I am part of the 'group' but I'm kinda a fringe player...I usually get invited to lunch by a couple different groups but decline them all and eat what I brought rather than leave campus and assimilate to any one group. I really think that's safer when the gossip starts flying...I hear it all, don't repeat a word and am never directly implicated in any of it because I'm not part of 'that' group. Kinda makes sense to me.

It's still early to tell who will be there by the end, but can say the stronger students are standing out in a good way, they are ON TIME to class, they are doing what they are told and not talking behind instructors backs to other instructors, they don't complain every time they open their mouths and can act like they LOVE clinicals whether or not they actually do.

I was talking to a classmate today about the dynamics of the group as a whole and we both agree that it's changing fast mostly because the problem children of the group are beginning to be ostracized and no one wants to be associated w/ bad behavior or attitudes.

I can predict a few who will drop (I hope they don't but think it may happen due to the self created chaos factor) or will be selectively weeded out by the instructors due to immature, inappropriate behavior not conductive to nursing or who may shed a bad light on our program once they are out in the real world of nursing.

I don't know...

my instructor came in yesterday and warned us. Now is the time in the semester that everyone gets annoyed alittle easier and that the things that we didn't even think about yesterday could become major annoyances tomorrow when it comes to our relationships that we've built in class.

All I can say is I'm hanging in there. Doing the best I can (which isn't all that bad at all) and I still believe this is my calling, even if I don't enjoy every minute of it and am so tired I can barely hold my head up at the end of some days I still believe if I work hard, ignore everything that doesn't directly impact my grades I'll be okay.

[kgh31386, BSN, MSN, RN]

I read your response to my other post. And this one paints a clear picture. Don't be so quick to judge everyone around you. Just because someone is late doesn't mean it was intentional. They might have to work before class or the night before, or drop their kids off somewhere. And when you talk about how everyone else gossips, it sounds like you do just a tad bit yourself by labeling people "problem children"?? For someone who doesn't associate with, or get close to anyone..you sure do know a LOT about everyone's "self created" problems or marriage issues. So what if someone has an opinion about something, and they know someone or a family member in nursing who has seen or done this or that? Sit there and be courteous, if you don't wanna listen, then don't. And it's almost funny when people try to pick out who will or will not graduate, because a lot of times THEY are the ones who don't make it. You're in the first semester, just like everyone else..you got 2 more to go. And I know you're thinking that I'm "picking on you" or "bullying you", but it's just a word of advice. The last thing instructors want to hear about is someone who thinks they know everyone and labels everyone. If you talk badly about someone who is close to a professor, they usually hear about it.

[squirly]

whatever. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions.

[kgh31386, BSN, MSN, RN]

Exactly, so if your classmates have an opinion..don't be upset. And don't look down on what everyone else is doing, because you seem to be doing a lot of what you look down on. Careful or you'll be one of the ones shining a bad light on your program.

[squirly]

no response is necessary when it comes to your posts.

[JamGirl2425]

You sound really upset, why did you post if you didn't want a response? Most of the time when folks post, it is because they want some feedback. Hmm.

[alwayschanging]

Im not sure why your on the defensive .. the best advice i can give you is focus on yourself, your studies, your grades. Obviously if you have someone your really close with study with them discuss your fears and accomplishments, but dont let the cliques get to you. Its not high school, your in an adult program. Yes, there will be many that dont have that maturity level, but that's something they have to deal with and mature on their own. Worrying about whether the gossip is going to start about yourself, let them. They obviously have nothing better to do with themselves other then talk about other peoples problems. And like you said they are insecure with their own ability to succeed in the program. My program is full of cliques, it really sickens me that many of the girls still act like there in high school. We all have something that connects us to lectures, and keep in mind for some who share their story there prob doing so they can gain some closure on someone who they know have that disease or condition. Especially when it comes to Diabetes or Cancer. Where as yes it may slow the lecture down , but there will come a time when they will discuss something that either A. Has affect you personally or your friends and family, or B. Your really really interested in and have questions. So think of it as a learning opportunity.

Im sorry that your class has become like this, but rise above it and be the bigger person. Bullies will weed themselves out, there will be a day when they need you, and you will show them that there words and ways dont effect you. And dont give into the gossip, its something we all do, but you dont want anyone talking about you, so dont talk about others. and SMILE! Nursing isn't for everyone, and they may pass, graduate, pass the boards land their first job interview, but if they never develop thoose personal skills and truly care about the people in their lives no matter whats going on with them, they wont be the best nurse they can be, and they prob wont be in it very long. This will only make you a better nurse.... sorry such a long reply...

[racefan88]

I feel for ya Squirly! I have been suffering through the same types of things in my program. I graduate in February and it can't come soon enough! I'm tired of the drama, the complaining when they have to actually do some work, and having someone come waltzing in late, rather loudly, when our class in the middle of an exam. It should be noted that it's the same person every time. I'm an A student and work really hard for my grades. I have a husband and three kids and make it a priority to get to class on time. I expect the same from my ADULT classmates. They knew the start time when they signed up...it didn't change. I also get frustrated by having to hear about everyone's mother's, sister's, uncle's girlfriend and whatever disease process they have when we're supposed to be reviewing for our next exam. Save it for next break! I try to get along with everyone and block out most of the chaos, but after nearly a year (our program is 14 months) it can get really old! Hang in there, study hard, and get through your program. THEN...hope to God that you won't ever have to work with any of the "problem children". As for me, I'll be doing the same

[jacksonvillelpn]

Hi, Squirly! I can totally relate to you...your class sounds just like mine! Like the woman whose husband has had every condition/disease we've talked about. It got so bad, that when she didn't chime in with "my husband had that", the instructor asked! LOL! Then there's the whiner, the victim, the pain-in-the-buttocks, who also happens to be the class clown and class ****!

My best advice...go back and re-read your post as if it is from someone else, and have a great laugh. Then find one person you feel safe with who you can ***** to when you get frustrated by all the DRAMA! And hang in there...only 2 more semesters to go, and a big chunk will be weeded out by then. Good luck, and keep up the good work!!!

[squirly]

Thanks to those who understand. I'm just venting. It isn't personal or a direct attack on anyone's character. Let's just say the pressure is stressful and when your a full time student, work part time, and a wife/mom; Well every minute counts when it comes to trying to absorb as much as possible from those w/ more knowledge than we have (classmates and instructors alike) and learning how to turn that new knowledge into critical thinking skills. Man am I looking forward to Thanksgiving break!!!!

[whatwasithinkinglol]

Squirely, I love it when there is chaos and I'm an innocent bystander! LOL I wondered what the program will be like. I did the CNA and it was pretty amusing at times. The late people, the slackers, the overachievers (me!), the clowns. The girl who didn't really care, and the older women who would just break down mentally before every test.

I'm sure LPN school is going to be quite interesting! hang in there, and make sure you come back here and vent some of the juicy stuff you're avoiding in person! LOL

Melissa