Things are getting really squirly in my program.
Started w/ 25, we are down to 21. We are almost done w/ the first semester of a 3 semester LVN program.
The cliques that were formed are starting to breakdown and turn on one another. Lots of petty gossip making the rounds. Lots of finger pointing about who is doing well and who is just SAYING they are doing well.
The bullies are identifying easier targets and trying to really make them feel stupid ALL the time. Makes you want to just smack them. I know it's from their own insecurity but this program is HARD. Trying to make yourself look good by making someone else look bad or point out flaws that are usually not flaws at all but their own personal opinions is just really low.
Bully: (Walks over to me and looks at the chapter I'm studying) You shouldn't study like that. You should work on the material as it's given for the next test coming up.
My reply: why? I have an A in that class. I need to concentrate on the class I DON'T have an A in.
Bully: No, your wrong.
Me: Well my A says I'm right. So we'll agree to disagree. (said over my shoulder as I walk away shaking my head).
Needless to say she's moved on to a target that will actually listen to her. I won't. I just walk away.
We have a few who are embroiled in their own self created chaos...everything from being late continually which is a major distraction to those of us who show up on time and pay attention to lecture, lots of family problems (of their own making), driving everyone else crazy by practically brusing their classmates everytime they want to emphasize their point across by punching whomever they are talking to (think Elaine on Seinfield "GET OUT!" as she pushes him). Some classmates are WAYYYYYYY too close, bordering on inappropriate relationships (why let a little thing like MARRIAGE stand in their way ), the ones that and SIGH loudly whenever someone asks a question or shares their experience, or my favorites.....the ones that have an opinion on EVERYTHING, a story from a relative about nursing, or an illness that was along the same lines....makes me want to throw my book at them by the 12th interruption during lecture.
Crazy CRAZY stuff going down. I'm pretty patient but I catch myself biting my tongue CONSTANTLY. It's not my responsibility to 'fix' them or their issues.
I am just working the best I can w/ what I have but am being really careful not to get too close to anyone, yes I am part of the 'group' but I'm kinda a fringe player...I usually get invited to lunch by a couple different groups but decline them all and eat what I brought rather than leave campus and assimilate to any one group. I really think that's safer when the gossip starts flying...I hear it all, don't repeat a word and am never directly implicated in any of it because I'm not part of 'that' group. Kinda makes sense to me.
It's still early to tell who will be there by the end, but can say the stronger students are standing out in a good way, they are ON TIME to class, they are doing what they are told and not talking behind instructors backs to other instructors, they don't complain every time they open their mouths and can act like they LOVE clinicals whether or not they actually do.
I was talking to a classmate today about the dynamics of the group as a whole and we both agree that it's changing fast mostly because the problem children of the group are beginning to be ostracized and no one wants to be associated w/ bad behavior or attitudes.
I can predict a few who will drop (I hope they don't but think it may happen due to the self created chaos factor) or will be selectively weeded out by the instructors due to immature, inappropriate behavior not conductive to nursing or who may shed a bad light on our program once they are out in the real world of nursing.
I don't know...
my instructor came in yesterday and warned us. Now is the time in the semester that everyone gets annoyed alittle easier and that the things that we didn't even think about yesterday could become major annoyances tomorrow when it comes to our relationships that we've built in class.
All I can say is I'm hanging in there. Doing the best I can (which isn't all that bad at all) and I still believe this is my calling, even if I don't enjoy every minute of it and am so tired I can barely hold my head up at the end of some days I still believe if I work hard, ignore everything that doesn't directly impact my grades I'll be okay.