You sound like you are grieving a profound loss in your life and you have every right to feel sad, worried, and overwhelmed. I agree that maybe you should take some time to deal with these losses.
I would suggest you contact your BON just to inform yourself of your options there, and then try and focus on taking care of yourself in this very difficult time. You've got your schooling completed and no one can take that away from you. Nursing school
is hard and you should be proud of yourself for that accomplishment, as I'm sure your grandparents would be.
If you don't feel like you are ready to throw yourself full-on into a new job or job search
, this is the time when most agencies are starting to recruit nurses for things like flu clinics and health fairs. I did that kind of work when i was going through a very complicated bereavement and it helped me keep things together.
Many organizations offer bereavement counselling and I hope that you can find some help with that. I would say that you could look at religious organizations, and also, some hospice organizations can give you information about where to look in the community for that kind of support, even if they don't have resources specifically for you.
This isn't the end of the road; it's a setback, but it's also a process, and you'll get through it.