Book learnin' don't mean a thing...

Nurses LPN/LVN

Published

I've had a profoundly bad day, and by the time any of you get this I may already have flunked out of my first week of LPN school, or hopefully I will have passed and will be taking yet another test on range of motion and hoping I can get it done perfectly in two tries.

I'm 36, three girls, and had a heart problem with my third child which resulted in cardiomyopathy and an ICD. I've recovered nicely, as long as I stay on my meds for life and all that, but let's just say I feel fine and am happy to have this second chance. Flash forward to now, where I have entered nursing school because of my experience with my heart. I want to make a difference. I've taken all my prereqs and have a 4.0, and I just started the PRACTICAL stuff this week. I'm doing handwashing, folks...you'd think it wouldn't be that big of a deal, right? Well, we were shown how to do it on Tues., I had two chances to practice after that, then when I came in today we had another two or three chances to practice. I seemed to be doing pretty well. When it came my turn to be tested I oops and got flustered, and then I lifted my arm above my elbow to check for soap without even noticing I did it. I know...bad move. So I was told I'd have to repeat this skill and if I don't make it, I'm flunked out of the program. The enormity of this upset me so badly I hardly heard a thing that went on in the next class. I was fighting the tears all the time. To think someone who is supposed to be so smart can't even wash her hands right! I feel tired, sad, worthless and miserable.

So, rather than go pick up my daughter from daycare, I slipped into the wash area and practiced after my last class. I was in there, washing and trying to dry (that's where I get messed up...my towel either touches the sink or my clothes, or else my finger slips and I touch skin) and crying my eyes out, when a wonderful nurse came in and gave me some pointers. I felt like such an idiot. I was a half hour late to pick up my daughter and then went home and promptly spent the next two hours trying to simulate washing at school (pretty hard without the right towels, which are what's goofing me up anyway). I also have to study for my check on range of motion tomorrow. I feel so snowed under, and over WHAT? This should not be so hard for me, and yet it is. Tomorrow I have to be in class at 8AM, do my handwashing test for the last time, and then if I pass I have another test on range of motion waiting for me. I have hardly managed to get the handwashing down yet!

I'm terrified I will end up having to do a second time on the range of motion as well, and this is just the beginning. I want to run away but have too much pride not to at least try. The really nice RN I talked to today said it's not as easy for a woman with three children and a life worry over, and she is right, but I don't want to make excuses for myself. I just want to do it. Send me a word of encouragement, someone! I don't know what I'll do with myself if I flunk handwashing, for crying out loud! My family will be so ashamed of me...and I'll be ashamed of myself.

Just had to vent....by tomorrow morning it will all be decided and I wish I had more faith in myself. This has really shook me up...I never thought I'd have this kind of trouble. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, but when you only have two chances and if you mess up you blow the whole thing...well, it's easy to get upset. Hubby says I have to just push down my emotions and do this, and I really am trying. I've done so well with all my classes that I guess I thought this was going to be at least manageable (I NEVER thought it was going to be easy...I'm not that dense).

Sigh....

Cara

Congrats for passing! Your posts have really encouraged me because I am 38 and am just starting to pursue nursing. I get overwhelmed too and I guess it is nice to hear I am not the only one!

Keep up the good work Cara!

I just graduated LVN school last friday. I am sitting here thinking, that was me a year ago. I promise you, I really do, you will sit back and laugh at yourself one day. This isn't a funny matter at all, but when you are sitting in your seat with your cap and gown on and you think to yourself, damn, I went from handwashing to Inserting IV's in less then a year. You will get the biggest grin on your face and feel like a million bucks.

I did it with 4 kids in tow. Yes, it was the hardest and probably the worst year of my life. But...it was also the best year of my life. You can do this, it is doable. Chin up and go fourth.

P.S. I knew you would pass your handwashing, I knew you would.

Congratulations, nurseinthemaking.

Being in school is kind of like being pregnant. You give birth when you graduate. Then, you have the task of raising the child. Takes about twenty years to reach maturity.

Please do not take that the wrong way. New nurses are like new teachers. Fresh blood is always welcome, I think.

Experience and freshness is a good team combination, if people can be open minded.

Good luck in your career.

Coincidentally, I had a couple of nurses as patients today. One was a very experienced RN just returning to work after having four kids. The other was a RN student in her late thirties who will graduate in May. We spoke about the torturing process.

Most nursing skills are learned on the job. School is just a test to see if you have the guts.

My first training was in the army. We had zero practice in giving shots. We spent one morning reading about how to give shots. That afternoon, we gave shots to each other. We were our own dummies.

I learned to draw blood and start IVs working with an anesthesiologist. No one ever showed me how. I just had to do it. No dummies. No oranges. No rubber arms.

My fifteen year old son is going to take the nursing course in high school this year. They learn quite a bit there. I hope he goes into nursing. My daughter is also interested in being a RN.

Specializes in telemetry, cardiopulmonary stepdown, LTC. Hospice.

Thank you all for posting! Gosh, here I am a week later and it has sure been an up and down situation. For one thing, I passed my range of motion test at the beginning of the week just great. I was floating around, dreaming of being a super nurse and of all the wonderful things that would happen in my and my family's lives when I finally had a career I could love! I was just so psyched and felt a part of everything. Then I tested this morning for bedmaking and I messed up, bad. Now, it was stuff I KNEW, but I let the pressure get to me again. One thing I have noted and intend to change is that I am not getting enough practice in the lab. I'm not slacking, I'm letting other people go to the nurse and get one on one feedback while I convince myself I can get it on my own. Well, this is all strange to me, it's hard, and I freak when I am being observed, so I'd better get things down FOR SURE and with a nurse's approval before my test if I want to feel good about things! Time to get more aggressive about that.

But what I did was walk in there, fold my sheets goofy and get myself confused, put my drawsheet up UPSIDE DOWN (I still cannot believe I did that...my God....) and then I did the clincher...I walked away from the side of the bed with my rail down. I had written "RAILS RAILS RAILS!" on all of my lab book pages, but still did it when I got upset and frustrated with the sheets. I was sweating and felt like a goofball. LORD! It was awful.

Then I walked out of that room, walked over to another bed, and made it PERFECTLY. During the test I had a patient in the bed, and I never did get to practice that process the whole way through, so I felt unprepared for it. That won't be allowed to happen to me again, because I'm GOING to get that practice, not just lay in the bed and be someone else's patient all the time!

Unlike last week, I didn't fight tears the rest of the day or feel that I was going to flunk out of the school. Of course, this is a "check off" skill and not a test skill with only two chances. We can keep trying with a check off, but I have no intention of taking longer than the next try. From now on before I leave the side of a bed, I'm going to say outloud, "You're leaving the side of the bed, is the rail up??" Perhaps I will shorten that to a more discreet "Rails up" when I'm in clinicals, so no one thinks I'm insane.

But thanks to all of you, because reading your stories tells me I'm not alone, and that many wonderful nurses didn't ace every skills test the first time! It still bothers me, but I'm going to take a day off and then hit the books on Sunday. I have two tests waiting on me Wed. when we go back, plus two assignments due.

Love to you all, you're really helping me hang in there!

Cara

Cara,

You will do fine. I graduated in June. I am almost 42 years old with 3 teenagers a 5 year old and my grandson lives with me. I worked part time while going through school, I also had chemo twice a week. I finished school from an 18 month program with missing 1 school day and 2 clinical days. I worked very hard and was awarded at the end with a scholarship and a clinical award. It is doable. Keep up the hard work. Nancy

+ Add a Comment