Book learnin' don't mean a thing...

SueNYC · Aug 24, 2005

I think you are being very hard on yourself. We ALL make mistakes at one point or another, especially when nervous, and when you are being that tough on yourself, it makes the smallest tasks seem enormous and that much more difficult to complete properly.

I also agree with your hubby, sometimes we need to put our emotions, feelings of "damn why am i so (fill in the blank), take a deep breath and just do it. I guarantee you this will not be the only task you wont be able to do properly right away, which is why you must continue to practice. But nevr question yourself, or your intelligence. There is nothing wrong with you.

Now the tough love bit... I know you have alot on your plate, between having hubby,children, a life, and unfortunatly your medical condition, it does make it harder on you than someone who doesnt, but when youre a nurse(and you will become one) you have to learn to put it all aside. Dealing only with whats in front of you, concentrate on that. Once you let other things infiltrate your mind, youre setting yourself for a disaster as well as your patient.

Good luck to you ... keep us updated.

Hoosiernurse, ADN, RN · Aug 24, 2005

I think you are being very hard on yourself. We ALL make mistakes at one point or another, especially when nervous, and when you are being that tough on yourself, it makes the smallest tasks seem enormous and that much more difficult to complete properly.
I also agree with your hubby, sometimes we need to put our emotions, feelings of "damn why am i so (fill in the blank), take a deep breath and just do it. I guarantee you this will not be the only task you wont be able to do properly right away, which is why you must continue to practice. But nevr question yourself, or your intelligence. There is nothing wrong with you.

Thanks (sniff) for the kind words. I guess I just feel that there is no time given to practice. I'm shown, given two or three times to practice, and then the next morning I am tested. If I mess that up, my whole LPN career is hanging in the balance for test number two. I feel overwhelmed, and you are right....my sadness and doubt is making this so much bigger than it should be. I've got to stop it, breathe deeply, and think about what I'm doing. I know I have to know where my hands are and to be careful. I'm going to do some more practicing, even though it isn't really like the real thing...it's bound to help me.

Cara

Hoosiernurse, ADN, RN · Aug 24, 2005

Now the tough love bit... I know you have alot on your plate, between having hubby,children, a life, and unfortunatly your medical condition, it does make it harder on you than someone who doesnt, but when youre a nurse(and you will become one) you have to learn to put it all aside. Dealing only with whats in front of you, concentrate on that. Once you let other things infiltrate your mind, youre setting yourself for a disaster as well as your patient.

Good luck to you ... keep us updated.

I just read the second half of your post! HEHE! I know you are right. I think part of the problem is that I have never really had to do what you are saying. I've done a zillion little things at once and felt overwhelmed, upset, and like I was going nuts. I've done a ton of things all at the same time and none of them completely or well, in my opinion. As a mom for the past 13 years, I have really been hit with everyone's problems but if things got really bad and I didn't feel I could cope, I ran away (not literally...I mean I would just say let's eat out, or Calgon take me away, or Mommy is very tired please let her alone). I can't run away from this. It's a task, it's there, and I can't go take take a bubble bath or ask my hubby or kids to help me. It's just me and this skill that I am being tested on.

I'm going to do some practicing with these thoughts in mind... I think nursing is going to require me to grow.

Thanks,

Cara

LPN01112005 · Aug 24, 2005

I've had a profoundly bad day, and by the time any of you get this I may already have flunked out of my first week of LPN school, or hopefully I will have passed and will be taking yet another test on range of motion and hoping I can get it done perfectly in two tries.
I'm 36, three girls, and had a heart problem with my third child which resulted in cardiomyopathy and an ICD. I've recovered nicely, as long as I stay on my meds for life and all that, but let's just say I feel fine and am happy to have this second chance. Flash forward to now, where I have entered nursing school because of my experience with my heart. I want to make a difference. I've taken all my prereqs and have a 4.0, and I just started the PRACTICAL stuff this week. I'm doing handwashing, folks...you'd think it wouldn't be that big of a deal, right? Well, we were shown how to do it on Tues., I had two chances to practice after that, then when I came in today we had another two or three chances to practice. I seemed to be doing pretty well. When it came my turn to be tested I oops and got flustered, and then I lifted my arm above my elbow to check for soap without even noticing I did it. I know...bad move. So I was told I'd have to repeat this skill and if I don't make it, I'm flunked out of the program. The enormity of this upset me so badly I hardly heard a thing that went on in the next class. I was fighting the tears all the time. To think someone who is supposed to be so smart can't even wash her hands right! I feel tired, sad, worthless and miserable.
So, rather than go pick up my daughter from daycare, I slipped into the wash area and practiced after my last class. I was in there, washing and trying to dry (that's where I get messed up...my towel either touches the sink or my clothes, or else my finger slips and I touch skin) and crying my eyes out, when a wonderful nurse came in and gave me some pointers. I felt like such an idiot. I was a half hour late to pick up my daughter and then went home and promptly spent the next two hours trying to simulate washing at school (pretty hard without the right towels, which are what's goofing me up anyway). I also have to study for my check on range of motion tomorrow. I feel so snowed under, and over WHAT? This should not be so hard for me, and yet it is. Tomorrow I have to be in class at 8AM, do my handwashing test for the last time, and then if I pass I have another test on range of motion waiting for me. I have hardly managed to get the handwashing down yet!
I'm terrified I will end up having to do a second time on the range of motion as well, and this is just the beginning. I want to run away but have too much pride not to at least try. The really nice RN I talked to today said it's not as easy for a woman with three children and a life worry over, and she is right, but I don't want to make excuses for myself. I just want to do it. Send me a word of encouragement, someone! I don't know what I'll do with myself if I flunk handwashing, for crying out loud! My family will be so ashamed of me...and I'll be ashamed of myself.
Just had to vent....by tomorrow morning it will all be decided and I wish I had more faith in myself. This has really shook me up...I never thought I'd have this kind of trouble. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, but when you only have two chances and if you mess up you blow the whole thing...well, it's easy to get upset. Hubby says I have to just push down my emotions and do this, and I really am trying. I've done so well with all my classes that I guess I thought this was going to be at least manageable (I NEVER thought it was going to be easy...I'm not that dense).
Sigh....
Cara

Just take a deep breath and relax. You'll be fine. You do need to realize that the pace of actual nursing classes is much more rigorous than your pre-reqs. There's a lot of material to cover in just a short amount of time, and the time spent in the beginning lab classes is some of the fastest paced. You have alot of procedures to check off on in lab so you'll be safely able to start your clinical practice in the hospital in a few short weeks. You do, however, seem to be doing the right thing by practicing at home. I remember all to well getting nervous every time it was my time to check off on a procedure. Just try to relax and take your time doing your procedure. You'll get it.

Another thing you need to realize is that very very few people make it through nursing school with a 4.0 gpa. I went into it with a 4.0, and wound up with a 3.68. Still an honor graduate, but not perfect. I got over it real quickly. No one cares what my GPA was now that I'm a licensed nurse. All they want to see is my license which puts me on exactly the same level as any other LPN, even those who barely passed with a 2.5 GPA. They passed the NCLEX, so we are on the same level as far as employers go. Give yourself a break. Study, practice, and let school be a top priority for you and you'll do fine. But don't sweat not making an A on everything. It won't happen. This stuff is too hard.

Hoosiernurse, ADN, RN · Aug 24, 2005

Just take a deep breath and relax. You'll be fine. You do need to realize that the pace of actual nursing classes is much more rigorous than your pre-reqs. There's a lot of material to cover in just a short amount of time, and the time spent in the beginning lab classes is some of the fastest paced. You have alot of procedures to check off on in lab so you'll be safely able to start your clinical practice in the hospital in a few short weeks. You do, however, seem to be doing the right thing by practicing at home. I remember all to well getting nervous every time it was my time to check off on a procedure. Just try to relax and take your time doing your procedure. You'll get it.
Another thing you need to realize is that very very few people make it through nursing school with a 4.0 gpa. I went into it with a 4.0, and wound up with a 3.68. Still an honor graduate, but not perfect. I got over it real quickly. No one cares what my GPA was now that I'm a licensed nurse. All they want to see is my license which puts me on exactly the same level as any other LPN, even those who barely passed with a 2.5 GPA. They passed the NCLEX, so we are on the same level as far as employers go. Give yourself a break. Study, practice, and let school be a top priority for you and you'll do fine. But don't sweat not making an A on everything. It won't happen. This stuff is too hard.

I think it was the shock of "You only have one more chance and if you blow it you're out of the program." that got to me. No, no one said that, I was saying it to myself. Randy says (that's hubby) if I keep thinking like that I will fail. So right after I typed to last post, I went into the bathroom, stared at myself for awhile, and did the handwashing. Even though it's with my own paper towels, I DID it...I didn't touch any skin, I didn't touch the sink or my clothes. My kids came and banged on my bathroom door at one point, and rather than let that rattle me and upset me, I said, "I'm not listening right this minute, wait until I'm out." Then I pushed my annoyance aside and thought, "I have to wash my wrists, I have to clean my nails with the stick." I focused very hard. I noticed several times that other thoughts wanted to creep in, but I forced them away. Maybe I have a focusing problem!

Cara

Hoosiernurse, ADN, RN · Aug 25, 2005

After practicing this morning, I retested and passed! I DID get my towel against the sink, but I told the nurses and they asked me what I'd do if it was real-life. I told them I'd grab the towel on the part that hadn't touched the sink and toss it, then get another towel. That was the only mistake I made, and I was dancing around the room. They probably thought I was a nut, but they don't know how important this all is to me. It wasn't as bad as I thought, because although they did say I had to retest today, I did get as much time to practice as I needed before it started (within reason, we were testing for ROM today).

I am also completely ready for the ROM check off tomorrow, because I wasn't called today so I got an extra night of practice. COOL! But I was ready for it today. I feel much more confident now and won't let mistakes make me think everything is over again. I realize now that I have to focus very hard and push away other thoughts and emotions. I'm back to being excited about being an LPN (and probably an RN later on)! I know there will be other moments like this coming up, and I'm not going to let them get the best of me EVER again.

I really do like all the nurses who are teaching the LPN program at my school. Contrary to some of the stories I've heard about them trying to "thin out the herd", I have found them all to be compassionate, caring, fair, strict, knowledgeable and friendly. Even if I had flunked today, I would not have had ill-will towards any of them. They said today their focus is for us all to succeed.

This has already been one of the most up and down weeks ever for me, and it's just the first week of LPN school! What's in store??? WHEW!!!!

Thanks for the support!

Cara

leopold · Aug 25, 2005

I failed handwashing too, I was the only one in my class. At the time I was too dense to realize that my entire future depending on passing so I didn't really stress it. Next time I did it I did fine. I think there are only a couple of labs I got right on the first try, but ya just have to practice as much as you can and really not stress about it. I did fine in bedmaking but most of my classmates failed and they were absolutely hysterical. Don't stress if you don't pass the first time! It'll be OK. We all go through it. :)

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 26, 2005

Congrats. Book smarts do matter and congrats on the 4.0 so far. Nursing has a lot of skills. Congrats on getting past this hurdle.

MKFaizi · Aug 26, 2005

Good for you for passing.

In my opinion, much of this sort of thing is a torturing process. In LPN school, I never had to do the handwashing thing. But there were other things.

One thing that I remember clearly was being tested out on drawing up a shot. Drawing up a shot is pretty simple. I reckon I could teach a chimp to do it. But this instructor made it seem so detailed and complicated and there was no way that I could do it to please her.

I have been a LPN for twenty three years now. I have never infected anyone with one of my shots. I draw up Demerol or whatever without thinking terribly much about it -- other than the usual comon sense checks. I have never killed anyone with an injection.

That instructor made me feel incompetent. She made me feel stupid. She wanted me to fail. She was torturing me. Harrassing.

She followed me into patients' rooms and criticized everything I did. She reprimanded me for my "hesitation." She made me feel very unsure of myself and, then, criticized me for being unsure.

Fortunately, my other instructors thought I was all right. I made very good grades. I finished near the top of my class.

Don't let 'em get to you. That is the whole ticket because a lot of them will do their best to get to you. Very intimidating.

You have to believe in yourself. You have to be determined. Grit is what it takes.

In the army, a sergeant taught us that a need gets a got. You need to be a nurse. Don't let anyone or anything stop you.

You just need to pass the test. Then, your real learning will begin.

Truly an amazing process.

Canadian_Gal · Aug 26, 2005

I am smack dab in the middle of my LPN program and I tell you...when I first started the Nursing Arts labs and skills testing, I was a nervous wreck! Just take it all in stride and with the continual practice of your nursing skills and with the application of theory, your confidence will build day by day. I thought that practicing on other students or dummies in the lab was scarey enough... that was until I had a client sitting right there in front of me during my clinical rotation *gulp* :wink2: Goodness...those dummies in lab were so compliant! *LOL* Best of luck with your schooling, you will do great!

After practicing this morning, I retested and passed! I DID get my towel against the sink, but I told the nurses and they asked me what I'd do if it was real-life. I told them I'd grab the towel on the part that hadn't touched the sink and toss it, then get another towel. That was the only mistake I made, and I was dancing around the room. They probably thought I was a nut, but they don't know how important this all is to me. It wasn't as bad as I thought, because although they did say I had to retest today, I did get as much time to practice as I needed before it started (within reason, we were testing for ROM today).
I am also completely ready for the ROM check off tomorrow, because I wasn't called today so I got an extra night of practice. COOL! But I was ready for it today. I feel much more confident now and won't let mistakes make me think everything is over again. I realize now that I have to focus very hard and push away other thoughts and emotions. I'm back to being excited about being an LPN (and probably an RN later on)! I know there will be other moments like this coming up, and I'm not going to let them get the best of me EVER again.
I really do like all the nurses who are teaching the LPN program at my school. Contrary to some of the stories I've heard about them trying to "thin out the herd", I have found them all to be compassionate, caring, fair, strict, knowledgeable and friendly. Even if I had flunked today, I would not have had ill-will towards any of them. They said today their focus is for us all to succeed.
This has already been one of the most up and down weeks ever for me, and it's just the first week of LPN school! What's in store??? WHEW!!!!
Thanks for the support!
Cara

roseynurse345 · Aug 26, 2005

I pretty much failed every lab pratical the first time, so I know how upsetting it can be. Everytime I failed I use to cry my eyes out in the ladies room. What was so aggravating I was a trained aide(UAL), I would fail on praticals such as bedmaking, do you know how many times I made a bed in the hospital. They had 60 steps for something that would take me less than 5 mins. Even my RN friends said they were taking things way to deep, with praticals such as bed making and bed bath. What was worse I had instructor who enjoyed torturing me on these praticals. However, we had the policy in my school that if you failed the lab 2x, you were kicked out, but the coordinator ' fessed up nobody in the hx of the program was ever thrown out for messing up lab pratical.