NHS STAFF Charter

[Whisper]

Got this emailed, and wanted to share;)

The NHS Staff Charter

We have already had the Patient's Charter. It should now be the turn of NHS staff.

It is the government's wish that all staff should find their work pleasurable, fulfilling and rewarding. To this end, certain measures will be implemented so that in future, patients will not interfere with the smooth running of GP surgeries, hospital departments or wards.

1. All patients will have short, easily pronounceable surnames to which they will respond instantly when called.

2. They will attend for appointments at precisely the time requested, instead of arriving half an hour early or late and then complaining if not seen instantly.

3. They will give a simple, clear history, making the diagnosis obvious.

4. All patients to be examined will be freshly bathed or showered and will weigh not more than 14 stone (89kg).

5. Patients may not bleed, vomit or deposit any unmentionable excrement on NHS premises.

6. They will be able to climb unaided on and off the examination couch and will present unequivocal physical signs.

7. Patients will no longer require doctors to peer into unsavoury fundamental orifices and where they fail to conform to this guideline it is acceptable to insert red hot or ice cold endoscopes into delicate areas of their anatomy.

8. At the conclusion of an appointment, patients will thank all staff profusely, handing round Milk Tray (or preferably, more expensive sweatmeats), bow low and walk out backwards smiling all the while.

9. Patients will consider themselves cured at their first attendance and will not be permitted to return with similar symptoms for a period of at least two years.

10. To ensure the smooth implementation of this Charter it is proposed that additional staff, trained to educate patients in their new responsibilities will be recruited.

Inevitably, there will be some small hiccups at first but if it is anticipated that these will be easily resolved by the free and liberal distribution of gripe water, a sample of which is enclosed in this document.

[karenG]

oh whisper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

half the patients I see share a brain so not sure if this would work!!!

nice thought though!

Karen

[Whisper]

you mean it isn't real?

[tony summers]

Would be lucky if any patients i where i work could read let alone understand this.

Would be fun trying to impliment though

[silvermoon]

Thanks Whisper

LOL

[chrisrob]

I love it!

its about time someone did a nurses charter and I wont believe anyone who tells me its not true sob.. sob I am going to personally see that all my pals who work in the NHS implement it (I of course dont work in the NHS I have already introduced something along these lines in my place of work which is a shipyard if people dont behave I just hit them, or tell them to go away nicely which is role reversal as i see it because when i worked in the NHS it was acceptable for patients to hit nurses) I'll let you know how its accepted in the NHS Scotland because as the poll tax etc shows they always trial things first in Scotland because they think we are to scared to fight back just because they beat us at Collodin but as mel gibson said or was it William Wallace I get so confused at times anyway one of them said as long as there is one free scotsman etc or words to that effect I think :chuckle :roll :roll :chuckle

[donmurray]

Chris, perhaps you mean the Declaration of Arbroath. (1320)

" For as long as one hundred of us are left alive, we will yeild in no least way to English dominion. We fight not for glory or wealth or honours, but only and alone, we fight for freedom, which no good man surrenders but with his life!"

or something......

Mel kind of paraphrased it to "Freedom!"

[chrisrob]

Donmurray

yeh thats it I quite like freedom better the others a bit much to remember Wallace had been hung drawn a 1/4 before colludin hadn.t he:imbar