Nursing & Depression - page 44

While visiting in the lounge one day, we discovered that every nurse there was on an anti-depressant. I have had 'Treatment Resistant Depression' for about 20 years--as long as I've been a nurse. ... Read More

  1. by   mattsmom81
    LONG WINDED POST>>>>WARNING...hehehe

    Something I've learned a long time ago on these boards is to utilize the ignore feature. Sometimes (usually) I do it for a short time only to regain my perspective and keep me from saying something I may regret.

    We're indeed all in this world (and BB) together and if we bug one another once in awhile that is understandable. I've come to expect it...we are all only human after all. I've met some wonderful people here and don't wish it to cease to exist.

    It is only those who aggravate 'on purpose'...rankling, goading, game playing... that really distress me. Some live for a fight it seems; or to rip open old wounds. Those few on this board I keep on permanent ignore. it saves me a LOT of purposeless aggravation.

    That said, now back to what this thread was established for...discussion and sharing on depression. I've come to a slow realization that my depression has to do with something I am just now admitting is occurring...the loss of my career as I have known it. I've been taking part in some denial with this. Yes, I've had pain and illness....but the truth now is becoming clearer: it is this loss of the 'nurse' part of me and the ability to do the kind of nursing I have done for so many years that is behind a lot of my depression now. Hmmm. I really had no idea my 'sense of self' was sooooo wrapped up in my career and it is frightening to see.
    I have some work to do here.

    I wrote myself an affirmation 'poem' (Micro you are rubbing off on me sweetie) I will share...perhaps it will help someone else as I reaffirm this everyday for strength:

    I will no longer waste precious time and energy trying to control things I cannot control.
    I will focus day by day to improve the things I CAN improve.
    I will choose a healthy diet TODAY.
    I will excercise 30 minutes 5 times a week starting TODAY.
    I will take my medications to help me from feeling overwhelmed.
    I will avoid people and places that bring me down and keep me there.
    I will make good decisions TODAY.
    I will pray for help and encouragement and ask those who love me to encourage me...so I can keep my promises to myself.
    I may never practice as a nurse again...not practice as I have known it...not in any sense of the word....
    I need to get OK with that...and pray for the courage to let go of that part of me...courage to become the best I can
    in new contexts and old.
    Every day I will renew these promises and resist becoming
    powerless and hopeless...
    choosing instead to be powerful and hopeful
    every day.

    Luv ya'll! :kiss and (((HUGS)))
    Last edit by mattsmom81 on Jan 18, '03
  2. by   sphinx
    ummm, well just for the record, when I asked Mario why he has started saying I'm sorry, it was just out of curiosity, not as a put down or anything. Mario, I apologize if I have unwittingly put you back into the middle of the fire, so to say!

    And Mattsmom, I know what you mean about not practiceing nursing (or at least as you know it) again. I've doing this in office position now, and while who knows what the future may hold, I have to wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to patient care? I've already come to grips that I can't handle hospital nursing (rotating shifts, short staff), and while I love many aspects of home care, the paperwork I was drowning in was just killing me. At the moment, I am still learning my new job, so I end up going a bit early and/or staying late, but at least I am not doing paperwork all night long. It is better for me, and for my family. What is hard, is that now the shoe is on the other foot, and in the mornings, I am the one who gives people openings, asks nurses to rearrange their schedules, etc. We were already short staffed, now with me out it is worse. I feel guilty, but inside, I know they'd be short staffed whether I took this job or not, as I'd quit anyway! In any case, yesterday was bad, people sick, days off, no perdiem help, horrid driving conditions, I was late driving in.......so it got hectic, and I am such a freaking perfectioninst and so proud, and waited a little too long to ask for help. My boss is going on vacation for 2 weeks, so I have to learn to ask for help before getting overwhelmed. Anyway, I got off track. What I was saying is, this position is considered a nursing position, but it hardly feels like it. I like it so far, but it's gonna be an adjustment in the long run. Oh, one good thing, I was going to get a small pay cut (well, actually will till Jan31), but at the end of the month the raises are coming in, and even with the change in jobs, and after being out on disability a lot, and all my problems, I still got a raise, So in other words, no decrease in pay.
    I like your affirmations. I am not that far, but I'm coming. I am still increasing on the lamictal, but showing improvement, and my psychiatrist is pleased as am I and my family, as you could guess! For now, it is enough to get up early for work. To come home and spend time with my kids and my husband. To help pick up the kitchen. To start doing little clean up things around the house. To be more alive, and less the slug I have been for so many, many months.
    Last edit by sphinx on Jan 18, '03
  3. by   mattsmom81
    I like your affirmations too Sphinx! And I'm glad you are choosing to make positive changes for yourself! ((HUGS))

    I interviewed yesterday to try and do some private duty and/or fee per visit home visits (NOT case management) on a very LIMITED basis. We shall see what comes of it...I signed on with an agency not a home care business.

    I'm readying myself for the 'big push ' that comes with healthcare...they will try to wheedle me into doing more than I wish to do (IS there anywhere nurses work that doesn't do this to us???) and I'm setting down my limits for myself now ahead of time. I have told them I am NOT interested in doing any heavy lifting cases ...so this may automatically disqualify me for the job from the get go...(they get scared of the injury risk factor if we try to avoid lifting it seems) but we'll see.

    If I get this job, I may need your guidance Sphinx... as your niche is in homecare....say a prayer for me, girlfriend...LOL!!
  4. by   micro
    hey to all.........
    cool.............just using words like bowing out for a bit as a way of expressing self........and also as a choice if i chose too'.........

    sphinx, you indeed do sound like some peace and semblence of peace is returning.......

    mattsmom.........truly like the words you shared..........those were yours and I thank you..........

    abrern.........ditto back PM.........

    mario,
    keep on posting here and anywhere.........I publicly thank you here for helping me see a bit of my depression/life in another light(previous to this thread)

    carpe de em---------original author of this great thread........come on back and visit.....your words I truly love to read and connect with.........

    and now back to the original thoughts that the original author of this thread.........intended.....
    nursing and depression.......
    matt's mom.......boy howdy.....did you state it.........for myself.....
    I was definitely predisposed for a 'depression of sorts'.....from a very early age...........and have always sought to 'get over it' by excelling or changing what I did...............so to be better than........

    as a child, this may occur as withdrawing, acting out, being _____. as a teenager, becoming more of a brat, acting out and _________. as a _________. and the epilogue goes on.........

    and though in college, and when I applied myself.....I was an 'ace high student' but soon became an all or nothing.....

    if I cannot have it all then nothing is me=====depression, without even seeing it to the degree that it was.........

    and hence a pattern of life, living, and thinking......that is destructive to self.........

    at work, prior to nursing.........I always found myself in areas of helping people..............
    day care even.....imagine that.....
    then working with adults and children with varying degrees of mental retardation and related physical conditions.....
    then I returned to nursing school at age 27-28.........
    but still never found the 'optimum answer'.........

    like, you said mmom,

    I was looking for an answer in my career.............

    not in myself...........

    I am a slow learner, but many moons since being 27-28.........
    I am finally finding the answer does start with me.......thanks to the help of my friends, a bit of medicine, and a new way of living.........odaat........

    so I am not making light in anyway of depression.....
    lived and live it.........but live it less today........
    and I from my heart thank those in this life and yes, right here....
    for showing me the other side of .................
  5. by   Love-A-Nurse
    interesting topic.

    i don't know any one personally, who is a nurse or otherwise, that take medications for depression and i don't either. i have found that it is being discuss more and think this fact alone has help in some form to rid its bitterness or at least let one know it's alright to say the word, depression.
  6. by   sphinx
    Mattsmom, if ya do need any "tips", I'd be happy :-) , the patient care part was what I liked, the case management was one thing I struggled with.

    Micro, I too was "predisposed" for depression from an early age. I've often wondered if I had treatment as a teen (not nec. meds, perhaps just therapy) how I would have lived the early adult years of my life....as I feel strongly that my depression and super-low self esteem influenced my life decisions. I also believe depression and perhaps a "dash" of codependency I have in me, has been a big factor leading me into nursing. My early relationships with men all had some degree of caretaking, esp my second husband who has multiple health problems. I hate to admit it, but I think some of that may have influenced my relationship with my current ( and forever!) hubby, as he too suffers from depression......but in that case he has been taking care of me more often than not, as its turned out. I think that depression may have influenced my career decision, but I also think in the long run my career decision has also had an impact on my depression. After all, even though I'd been depressed in the past, it wasn't until I became a nurse that I became depressed enough to become hospitalized........so to me, it's a complicated circle. I blame neither myself nor nursing. Depression is part of who I am. I've had a long history. I have good periods and bad. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't worry about that now. As for my job, well you all know the change I've made to decrease my stress level. I am a perfectionist though, and need to back away on that a bit, or at least try.......that too, is part of my nature.

    Love-A-Nurse, you may be surprised, it's possible someone you know (ie a coworker who doesn't tell you every part of their life) may actually be taking antidepressants, and no one knows, because they are helping (doing what they should). Or not. If that's the case, you friends (and yourself) are very fortunate to not have experienced a depression severe enough to warrant meds. (and I am envious and happy for you!)In a way, it *has* become more "ok" to talk about depression, to admit you are on meds, whatever....but there are still a lot of biased people out there(we have indeed come a *long* way though!). On the other hand, a lot of PCP hand out antidepressants pretty indiscriminently, to people who may benefit from mere therapy and exercise, etc. I have come across people who think it is "cool" to be on prozac, if you can imagine! sheesh! Of course you also have off-label use for antidepressants, as well as off-label use of other meds that are used for mood stabalizers etc. So complicated. In any case, being able to discuss my depression here, with my nursing peers, has helped in many ways. I have others forms of support, but never had so much contact/rapport with nurses who are also "in the same/similar boat". Nurses have a different take on depression than do non nurses in a way. Talking about it has helped *me*, in any case. BTW, I love your "LPNs are nurses too".....while I started as an RN, I've never understood negativity towards LPNs........without exception, I have never worked with an LPN who hasn't been hard working, knowledgeable, etc. Most LPNs I've found have more "hands on" training than we got coming out of a BSN program. Anyway, that's for another thread, as I
    know it's been talked about at one time or another. Just wanted to tell ya I appreciate LPNs to no end.....and I'm sure you're bringing a wonderful rich background with you into sachhol to be an RN!!

    OK done babbling!!
  7. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by sphinx
    mattsmom, if ya do need any "tips", i'd be happy :-) , the patient care part was what i liked, the case management was one thing i struggled with.

    micro, i too was "predisposed" for depression from an early age. i've often wondered if i had treatment as a teen (not nec. meds, perhaps just therapy) how i would have lived the early adult years of my life....as i feel strongly that my depression and super-low self esteem influenced my life decisions. i also believe depression and perhaps a "dash" of codependency i have in me, has been a big factor leading me into nursing. my early relationships with men all had some degree of caretaking, esp my second husband who has multiple health problems. i hate to admit it, but i think some of that may have influenced my relationship with my current ( and forever!) hubby, as he too suffers from depression......but in that case he has been taking care of me more often than not, as its turned out. i think that depression may have influenced my career decision, but i also think in the long run my career decision has also had an impact on my depression. after all, even though i'd been depressed in the past, it wasn't until i became a nurse that i became depressed enough to become hospitalized........so to me, it's a complicated circle. i blame neither myself nor nursing. depression is part of who i am. i've had a long history. i have good periods and bad. i don't know what the future holds, but i can't worry about that now. as for my job, well you all know the change i've made to decrease my stress level. i am a perfectionist though, and need to back away on that a bit, or at least try.......that too, is part of my nature.

    love-a-nurse, you may be surprised, it's possible someone you know (ie a coworker who doesn't tell you every part of their life) may actually be taking antidepressants, and no one knows, because they are helping (doing what they should). or not. if that's the case, you friends (and yourself) are very fortunate to not have experienced a depression severe enough to warrant meds. (and i am envious and happy for you!)in a way, it *has* become more "ok" to talk about depression, to admit you are on meds, whatever....but there are still a lot of biased people out there(we have indeed come a *long* way though!). on the other hand, a lot of pcp hand out antidepressants pretty indiscriminently, to people who may benefit from mere therapy and exercise, etc. i have come across people who think it is "cool" to be on prozac, if you can imagine! sheesh! of course you also have off-label use for antidepressants, as well as off-label use of other meds that are used for mood stabalizers etc. so complicated. in any case, being able to discuss my depression here, with my nursing peers, has helped in many ways. i have others forms of support, but never had so much contact/rapport with nurses who are also "in the same/similar boat". nurses have a different take on depression than do non nurses in a way. talking about it has helped *me*, in any case. btw, i love your "lpns are nurses too".....while i started as an rn, i've never understood negativity towards lpns........without exception, i have never worked with an lpn who hasn't been hard working, knowledgeable, etc. most lpns i've found have more "hands on" training than we got coming out of a bsn program. anyway, that's for another thread, as i
    know it's been talked about at one time or another. just wanted to tell ya i appreciate lpns to no end.....and i'm sure you're bringing a wonderful rich background with you into sachhol to be an rn!!

    ok done babbling!!
    "love-a-nurse, you may be surprised, it's possible someone you know (ie a coworker who doesn't tell you every part of their life) may actually be taking antidepressants, and no one knows, because they are helping (doing what they should). or not. if that's the case, you friends (and yourself) are very fortunate to not have experienced a depression severe enough to warrant meds. (and i am envious and happy for you!)in a way, it *has* become more "ok" to talk about depression, to admit you are on meds, whatever....but there are still a lot of biased people out there(we have indeed come a *long* way though!)."

    oops, i wasn't clear, i was speaking of my personal friends, and now that you have mentioned it, it is still possible to not fully know about your personally friend, but, as far as i know, not any of them and myself, do not take any.
  8. by   sphinx
    Oh, I wasn't trying to say "you're wrong, you're wrong", nothing like that at all! Just more a matter of saying that 1. some people do keep these private and 2. sometimes meds work so well, no one would know you are on them!

    Sorry if *I* wasn't clear! Sometimes the internet leads to conclusions never really meant. On the other hand, I love it for oh so many reasons.....ie, I am very shy, and do not talk like this with anybody (except my husband and mom) in "real life".
    :-)
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    originally posted by sphinx
    oh, i wasn't trying to say "you're wrong, you're wrong", nothing like that at all! just more a matter of saying that 1. some people do keep these private and 2. sometimes meds work so well, no one would know you are on them!

    sorry if *i* wasn't clear! sometimes the internet leads to conclusions never really meant. on the other hand, i love it for oh so many reasons.....ie, i am very shy, and do not talk like this with anybody (except my husband and mom) in "real life".
    :-)
    i didn't take it that way, but you gave me somthing to ponder. that's a good thing, isn't it! :kiss
  10. by   susi_q
    I too struggle with depression, and have realized with the help of a good therapist that it has been part of my life for most of my life. (My dad, and several members of his family blessed me with that genetic code.) Anyway, have managed to avoid medication so far - but not without "intervention". I do pray and participate in worship. Exercise is usually my "drug of choice", but when that doesn't do it, I turn to friends to help me get perspective again. I also can get immersed in work (either at the hospital, or home stuff) and get back on top. I guess the verdict is still out about whether this approach works (husband says "most of the time"), but knowing the side-effects of the drugs has made me want to avoid them for as long as possible. So far, so mostly good :-)
  11. by   sphinx
    susi_q
    I think it is great that your approach is helping, and you have been able to avoid meds. If I could have my way, it'd be that way for me too, but without meds, I do not function at all. I would so love not to have the expense, the endless pill taking, the side effects (although for me, right now, I just have constipation which isn't hard to control).
    At one point, work used to help me get through rough spots...that was about 7 years ago. It slowly changed, and it became a source of great anxiety instead, and I was baffled! Needless to say, that job evetually was lost.
    I also envy people who take meds, get back on track, then go off them. I have never been able to do that. And before I went on meds at all, *whew* was I a train wreck!!!! :-)
    Good luck to you on your continued journey battling depression the "natural" way....BTW, do you have any problems with SAD? I know even though I have depression that does not discriminate over the seasons, I do find it is usually worse in the winter. I bought myself a light box, which helps. We also replaced most of our light bulbs with full spectrum bulbs. That's just an FYI to anyone whose depression increases in the winter (ie, lights can help, esp if used in the am....trouble is, making time to use it)......
  12. by   susi_q
    sphinx: Yup - SAD is a real issue, would love to get out of Michigan for that reason - but with kids in high school, and husband with a good job - it's just not an option. I have a good friend at work that also stuggles with it, and has to increase his meds during the winter. We both try to remind each other that a brighter day is coming (ha ha), and so far have both made it. (We've been friends 3 winters and counting). Appreciate your comments - I hope this winter is manageable for you - you have my best wishes.
  13. by   sphinx
    Yeah, I am in NY state, and the winters are dreadfully long, dark, and gloomy. Some day I'd like to move somewhere that doesn't have long dark winters, but I too, can't leave, for a variety of reasons, similar to your own.
    Well you take care, and here's some (((hugs))) for ya.

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