Help! I have extreme compassion fatigue

Nurses Stress 101

Published

I took a Compassion Fatigue assessment and I scored off the the charts for both burnout and compassion fatigue. I'm a young new nurse about a year out of nursing school and I haven been on the ob for about 10 months. During the past 4 months or so I have had increasing anxiety to the point of being physically sick and having to call off work, and now I only have one more absence left until they fire me.

My boss is very strict and unsympathetic. If you try to talk to her she says things like "well sometimes life just isn't fair." instead of trying to help you. She holds grudges and has favorites and least favorites, and if you are the latter you know it and feel it in the way she treats you.

About 2 months ago I had two patients pass away on me in a two week period, and since then I have been a complete and total mess. I have been getting dizzy and passing out both at work and at home, I constantly feel like something terrible is about to happen, and I have a constant underlying current of fear and anxiety in my mind and heart. It doesn't help that we have been consistently understaffed and overworked the past several months (I work on a med surg floor in a huge city hospital). Every night I go in I'm terrified of what I might face when I get there. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I don't eat because I feel nauseated most of the time. I'm also facing stress outside of work, conflict within my family and trying to plan and pay for my wedding coming up in May mostly by myself.

I know I have bitten off more than I can chew. It came to a head last night when my fiance woke up to me sobbing my eyes out because I stay awake all night to make sure he's still breathing. I have been in denial, I know I have a history of depression and self-mutilation as a teenager, although I was never diagnosed with anything. But now I feel like a train speeding at 100 mph towards a solid concrete wall.

I have appointments this week to see both my PCP and a free counselor service provided through my work. I don't really know what they will be able to do for me, as I am very reluctant to go on any mood altering drugs for fear of side effects and addiction. I am going to try and talk to my boss, but I don't see her doing much to help me. I have tried yoga, exercise, meditating, hobbies, etc etc and I still feel this way. It's like I'm trapped inside myself and inside this job that I am so afraid of. I have also applied for several other nursing jobs in the community, but that was just recently and I haven't heard back from any of them yet.

I don't really even know if anyone will read this. I just feel like I need to express myself to others who might understand or who might be able to relate and tell me what they did to help themselves. I can't talk to anyone at work because it will come across as complaining and if my boss gets wind of it we get written up or fired. I am pretty desperate at this point. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed anymore. Normally I'm a generally happy person. I want to feel happy again.

Specializes in Rehab, Med-surg, Neuroscience.

I saw my PCP today. She and I decided together to try 10mg Lexapro once a day. She also said it would be helpful to see the counselor from the employee assistance program also.

I saw my PCP today. She and I decided together to try 10mg Lexapro once a day. She also said it would be helpful to see the counselor from the employee assistance program also.
I'm so glad for you. Lexapro is what I take as well. The only time I have a problem is when I forget to take it for days on end, then yikes.... major mood swings. Good luck to you, keep us posted if you like :)
Specializes in Rehab, Med-surg, Neuroscience.

I go back into work tonight for the first time since I called in and went to the ER. All day I've been laying in bed swallowing down my fear. I keep telling myself "NO" when I start to feel the fear overcome me. I keep saying to myself I won't let it overtake me, not now, not with my job on the line. I CAN'T not go in to work tonight.

I haven't taken the Lexapro yet, I wanted to wait until I have some days off to take it the first time because I don't know how it will effect me.

I now have two job interviews lined up on Wednesday afternoon. I am going to aim for a higher paying but part time day job if I can so I can try and focus on getting myself healthy. My parents have stepped up to help me; they are going to help pay for my wedding therefore making dropping down to part time possible. My fiance has also been very supportive. I worry though that someday he will get tired of dealing with my emotional problems.

I just pray I can get through tonight and tomorrow night at work. Every minute seems to drag by. It threatens to make me lose control.

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

Thinking of you, Blue Roses ...

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Okay Blue, the first thing you have to do is BREEEEEEEATHE..........Your anxiety is palpable, I can sense that your thoughts and fears are tumbling wildly like squirrels in a cage, and there is no way you can make good decisions in that state of mind.

Believe me, I've been in your NurseMates; some years ago I suffered a very humiliating and unforgettable breakdown after trying to ignore the common-sense part of my brain that had been begging me to quit my hospital job for over a year. I'd thought I was tougher, thought I could endure....but there was a point of no return, and I was already so overwhelmed with anxiety that it was almost anticlimactic when I reached it. One day I walked onto the floor, and suddenly a small but very sure voice whispered in my ear: "You're done. You will never work another shift on this floor." I proceeded to my nurse-manager's office and completely lost it---sobbing hysterically and crying "Ican'tdothisIcan'tdothisIcan'tdothis" over and over as she hugged me and tried to calm me down.

You sound like you're about thisclose to a similar scenario. Now, a nurse's career can and does recover from episodes like this, and although my situation was somewhat complicated by my then-undiagnosed manic/depressive illness, I was able to resuscitate my own career and go on to bigger and better things eventually. I tell you this story because I don't want you to have to go through what I did---you need to walk away before you blow. Your body is giving you signals that should be serving as a warning to "git while the gittin's good".

By the way, you'll want to start the Lexapro soon, because it takes weeks to build up to a therapeutic level and you won't feel many of beneficial effects right away.

Wishing you all the best. Please take care of yourself---if you don't, who will?

Specializes in Rehab, Med-surg, Neuroscience.

It's strange how much my identity can change in just a few weeks. I feel like half the person I used to be. I am not this perfect image of a person people see me as and it hurts. I feel sad most of the time. The side effects of the Lexapro make it extremely hard to take. I feel empty inside. I went to a job shadow opprotunity at another hospital in town and I had a panic attack there too. I feel like there is no way out of how I am feeling. I don't understand, I am seeking help and trying to do everything right but I feel worse now than I did before. I'm going to have to drop down to part time despite the money issues. I really need to get myself healthy again.

+ Add a Comment