Hello Fellow Nurses,
I have been on this site for some time reading various topics attempting to understand how to cope with being a relatively new nurse. I have avoided putting any information about my self on my profile, and I have never posted on the site before til today. I know some of you might not like this post so I expect to catch some not so nice responses, but I probably won't reply because everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Nursing is a second career for me. Prior to nursing, I was in the insurance claims industry for over a decade and hated it. Salary and benefits were excellent, but I was miserable because I dealt with liability issues. I never really new what I wanted to do with my life, but I researched nursing and thought it would be a great field to give me a since of purpose. I never did it for money because money was not the issue. I already had a bachelors in a non-nursing field, so I went for my associates in nursing. It was a struggle, but I earned my license in 2012.
Unfortunately, my career is not what I thought it would be. I'm ashamed to say that I have a history of job hopping. My school didn't offer clinical experiences at LTC facilities when I was doing my program, so I kept running from them and their nurse-patient ratios. I did a 3 month stint at a hospital. I left after 3 months because I worked on a telemetry floor that the veteran nurses said was more like a step down unit. We had no aides. There would sometimes be 1-2 LPNs who worked the night shift on the whole unit who were being treated like aides. I basically provided total care to 5-7 patients. In a nut shell, I couldn't hang so I gave my notice.
Present day, I am now back in a LTC facility and close to making 9 months with them. I started on 3-11 shift, but I switched with a another RN and took her night shift. I'm a floater and have up to 40 patients. I have one hall and take a 1/3 of another hall. Three weeks after my hire date, I knew I didn't want to be there. In the time I have been there, I only called in one time for a replacement because I was sick, and my ADON had 12 hour notice. I come to work on time, and I try to do the best job I can every time I work, but I avoid extra shifts at all cost. I live for my days off. I usually stay busy when I get off at 7:00 a.m. and stay up taking care of things I need to do. For example, when I have been up almost 17 hours and get a text asking me to work the night shift, my response is "no" or "sorry, I can't do it". I have even declined to work extra shifts when the ADON sends text three hours before the evening shift asking if I can come in. She usually does not call. She will send out a group text or send one directly to you asking if you can work.
I no by now that I'm not viewed as a team player. I am friendly person, the residents seem to be happy with me, and I have good rapport with my co-workers. I like and respect the residents. I just don't want to be there, but I won't quit until I find something else. The facility I work is nice, computerized charting, the management team is pleasant, and for the most part the aides work with you. It's not the facility, it's me. More and more, I'm beginning to think I should have never gone down the path of nursing. I don't even want to apply for nursing jobs
anymore because I don't know if it is the field I chose that is wrong or is it the niche I'm in right now.
Prior to nursing, I had a solid job history in regards to not being a job hopper. When I earned my license, I was determined not stick myself in a miserable situation for years at a time and that is why I moved so much. My first LTC-lasted few days, 2nd LTC/hospice-3 months (poor management), 3rd job-lasted 3 months at the hospital, 4th LTC- last few days, and finally my 5th job- I have been there going on 9 months. As you can see my job history sucks, it's pathetic, and that is why I feel I don't belong in this field. If I'm wrong about that, LTC is definitely not my niche. No offense to others who love it. I care for the people but not the specialty. I definitely don't like seeing a hospice patient near death, and I can't comfort them because I'm running to get my tasks completed for all my other residents.
In conclusion, I avoid extra shifts for all the reasons listed above. I feel very lost and not worthy of this field. I'm thankful to be alive and have work, but I just don't know how to deal with this. Thanks Allnurses and other members who may read this for letting me vent. Some of you may be ****** after reading this, I don't know what to tell you. Peace.