Impossible Family Member

[bluegeegoo2]

I currently have a family member who is impossible to please. No matter what I or the other nurses do, we are always questioned. Not only are we questioned, she drills nurses about what other nurses have done and why. When most nurses answers match the other shifts answers, she seems miffed that we all are on the same page with his care. All of the teaching that is done to her falls on deaf ears. Her "assessment" differs from yours at every turn, and you are wrong. You're interventions are ineffective. You're not doing enough. Never mind that the Ativan she requested we give was dosed less than 10 minutes ago. It's not working! No kidding...She doesn't want him sedated, but the non-narcotic pain reliever he was given isn't working according to her, what about morphine sulfate? This as he looks at me and states he's not having pain. The nasal stuffiness with cough (LCTA) is pneumonia or bronchitis please and thank you. NOT the URI he was diagnosed with. She maintains contact with "a friend that works at another nursing home" who tells her we are not providing adequate care in so many words. She also constantly texts his hospice nurse with her "assessment", which interestingly enough, doesn't match mine. She yells for us from the hall for assistance because it takes us too long to answer the light. I know. Less than 5 minutes is an eternity, especially when it's to tell us he's cold. She monopolizes not only the nurse's time, but the CNA's as well. Statements always made of "I know I'm a pain...I know you're busy but..." This resident is fairly easy to care for when she isn't there. When she arrives, suddenly he's "dying". What do you do in these situations? I have depleted my aresenal of tactics that work on most needy residents/family members. My first instinct is to hide under the desk and pray she goes away, but I'm fairly certain she would camp out and wait for me. She is the same with the other nurse's as well. Please advise.

[amoLucia]

I had a previous DON, much like PP CathRN. She wouldn't take gruff from anyone. Like if the pt got hotdogs on his tray and the family had explained that the pt ABSOLUTELY hated hotdogs. My DON would very sweetly comment, "oh, I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. The dietary manager is in the kitchen now' and she would then direct family to the kitchen.

Same thing when the laundry would shrink clothes or chew up items in the machine. She'd direct them to the laundry manager.

And I was there on more than one occasion when she would tell the worst complaining family, 'you know, we don't seem to be able to meet your family needs like you'd like. The social worker will more than gladly start transfer process to another facility while nursing gets our paperwork in order'. That was usually enough for the family to back down when faced with transfer.

She would not tolerate the nursing staff to be doormats for problems not our fault and beyond our control. I admired her for that.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

On more than one occasion I have suggested to family members that if we are not able to meet their grandmother's/grandfather's/wife's/husband...needs, we would be ever so happy to have them transferred to a different facility. We all work too hard to subject ourselves to BS.