What have I DONE???!!!???

  1. Only you fellow students would understand the predicament I have somehow managed to place myself in.

    Jeesh. I can't believe I let this happen.

    I just finished up my first semester of clinicals and was treated to the most stressful, demanding semester I have ever experienced in my life.

    Near the end of the semester my darling boyfriend FINALLY proposed to me (picked out a winner of a ring too!). So, in my bliss, I agreed to go looking at new housing developments with him. He really wanted to see this new "planned community" being built near our house. Does anyone see where this is headed?...

    My totally questioning, fact processing, never-rush-into-a-decision fiance went GA-GA over the place and wants to buy---now! My entire vacation was consumed with this neighborhood and houses and lots and such. I woke up this morning realizing my break is over in a few days and suddenly realized that "The Stress" will be making a repeat appearance in my life at that time. My delusional love-cloud just dissipated.

    I found out that he talked to the finance guy, the builder's agent and a real-estate agent to sell our home---today! Now, I take blame. I agreed to it, but didn't factor in the school stress. Now I, who cleaned the house a total of 3 times last semester, will be building a house, going through med-surg, pharm, nutrition and history and will be needing to keep the place in "queen elizabeth" condition in order to sell. I can't tell him I've changed my mind --- we talked A LOT and he doesn't respect people who beg off of decisions. I don't want to start our marriage with him feeling that way.

    So I pose 2 questions to y'all: 1) Do I have a right to be freaking out? and 2) Any tips on time/stress management out there?

    Sorry the post is so long.
    Hugs to y'all:kiss
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   Jennerizer
    It's ok to initially freak out---but it's your choice whether to continue to freak out. Talk to him----tell him you need help keeping the place clean & if he can't help you with that, then maybe things should be reconsidered. Let him handle the stress of making sure the builders are doing a good job---you trust him with that, right?

    I think anyone that building a house always has those thoughts in the back of their mind if they are doing the right thing. It's a big commitment, not to mention time consuming. It's much easier to buy an already built house because you see exactly what you're getting. When you build, the plans may be written out--but it isn't enjoyable until you see it with your own eyes. The good thing about building though-----YOU get to decide exactly what you want.

    As far as school goes.....just stay on top of things. You made it through last semester & you'll make it through this one. Stay organized.

    Congratulations on the engagement!!!!!!

    Jen
  4. by   Robin61970
    Tell him to get a maid to keep it perfect,LOL....talk to him about the stress of school and make sure he understands.....
  5. by   renerian
    Maid service sounds good. For me, I would say no thanks to much right now. You can always talk about it if your having second thoughts. Are you planning a wedding now too?????????

    YIKES

    renerian
  6. by   EmeraldNYL
    Congrats on your engagement! Hold off on the wedding until after things calm down though, that's what I plan on doing. My engagement to my fiance is going to be 2 years and sometimes I think that still isn't enough time! Get the house if you love it, study hard, and plan for a long engagement. Good luck!
  7. by   meownsmile
    Good luck, a lot of good advice here. I might also suggest you have your mom or another WOMAN go over the plans with you and help suggest layout of kitchen, baths, laundry, and any little details you may regret not including later. That should cut down a lot of headache.
    Then maybe between weather(depending on where you are located), making decisions on floor plans etc. and other little details the contractors wont get started till closer to the end of the school year. Then you can go pick stuff out after summer break starts.
    Good luck, but by all means stick to the school work. Thats the most important thing. Dont let them pressure you about things.
  8. by   christinemj
    LOL - insert maniacal laughter - LOL

    We both must be crazy We are currently in the process of building a house. We broke ground in November, the foundation is set and ready to go and they will be starting to pound nails within a week or so. We are moving in the first week of June.

    Lovely plan, right??? Well, yes, until I get the invitation to start Nursing 1 on January 8. ROFL!!!! I'm sure you now understand my dilemma regarding whether or not I should start in Jan or wait 'til Sept!!

    My situation is the reverse of yours, since I basically have a $50,000 hole in the ground, and school was the "secondary situation."

    My husband tells me that SOMEHOW we WILL find the time WHILE I'M IN NURSING CLINICALS to pick out fireplaces, light fixtures, windows, doors, furniture, appliances, carpeting, flooring, etc, etc, etc.............ROFL!!! Yeah right!!!
    :roll :roll :roll

    Good Luck!!! and...if you go ahead with it, I'll be here to commiserate with you.
  9. by   NurseWeasel
    I'm *almost* in that situation, but thankfully what's being built is my cabin and not my primary residence! I suggest "letting go" of a lot of the control issues surrounding the building of your house and letting the man deal with it. It'll be good for both of you. Please understand that I'm not accusing you of being a control freak, lol. I am speaking to myself as much as / more than I am to you. I'm REALLY retentive!

    As to keeping the house clean? I can only suggest Flylady.net and again relinquishing control to the man.

    You can make all this up to him once you get out of school!

    Congratulations!
  10. by   NurseWeasel
    My wise Auntie also provided me with this quote from a friend of hers, a few months ago.

    "You're not saying 'no' to lots of things... you're saying 'YES!' to what you *really* want."

    Kinda helps keep things in perspective...
  11. by   Hooligan
    robin...I just had to say...I LOVE your Avatar!!! Mmmm.....Yummy!!

    ~Bean
  12. by   Mkue
    Hi, Congrats on the engagement !

    Building a house can be stressful BUT it can also be fun too. I liked picking out carpet/flooring, lighting (so many cool things out there). Try to get a whirlpool bath if your budget allows it, then you can relax with candles around you soaking in the bubbly water, the jets create more bubbles!

    I do like the idea of getting a maid to tidy up your current residence.

    Marie
  13. by   ageless
    I believe everyone has the right to change their mind. All of of us have gotten caught up in the moment of something to then have a more level head emerge. Time for some honest dialogue and compromise. Building a home is stressful and time consuming. A decision that perhaps needs to to be mulled over a longer time span than a holiday vacation. There will be opportunities to build throughout your lifetime together. Whats the rush?

    "I can't tell him I've changed my mind --- we talked A LOT and he doesn't respect people who beg off of decisions. I don't want to start our marriage with him feeling that way"

    This sounds like he has some unreal expectations of life and people...perhaps he needs an introduction to the real world, Where people live in the black and white as well as the grey.

    Since when does changing ones mind after thoughtful reflection equate loss of respectability? I believe it shows a depth of maturity on your part that may have eluded him thus far.

    "Slave to no one --- except that guy who tells me what to do."

    Whats up with that tag line?
  14. by   Love-A-Nurse
    best wishes, alyssa and congratulations to your fiance.

    i would suggest focusing on the differences you both have and find a medium to relieve the stress of his concerns and yours.

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