Very Scared, Can anyone help me?

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Hello all--it's been a long time since I've posted.

I have had a very rough journey through nursing school and I won't bother detailing the horrors for two reasons:

1.) You would have a very hard believing me.

2.) It would take a very long time to chronicle and I simply need advice. I'll only cover the basics.

I began my A.D.N. program in the spring semester of 2006. In my third semester I had to withdraw because my life had become unmanageable and I ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (which has NEVER affected my academic or clinical performance). I took two semesters off to take care of myself and get stabilized on my medications. I re-entered the program in the spring semester of 2007. My grades in lecture and clinical have always been exceptional, despite what I have endured in the program. I will be starting my final semester next month and I will graduate in December. With each passing semester the harassment has gotten more and more extreme...mostly at the hands of the program director. I am a very tenacious person and so far I have managed to not give up, although I feel as if I am very close to my "breaking point", the stress level is near panic and at times during this summer break, my tenacity to go back in the fall has wavered. It is common knowledge at our school about the abuse, my situation is worse. The academic dead at our college quit to take another position over the summer, because the nursing program is the "money maker" at our college, none of the "higher ups" are willing to be of assistance to the students even though they have vocalized to the students who have complained that they realize how awful we are treated.

My fear is this...I know that I will be reported to the board of nursing in my state that I am bipolar and will be evaluated for the nurse recovery program, there is a reasonable chance that I may start my nursing career with a restricted license, which could adversely effect my job prospects initially and in the future since you have to report it if you've ever been restricted and you have to state why. Personally, I would rather my employer not know since I am stable and there is much stigma surrounding any type of mental illness.

The state where I reside does not ask about mental illness on their application for licensure, but will accept reports anonymously. Why do I believe my program director would stoop to this level? Because I have a supportive nursing instructor that I correspond with via email outside of school who acknowledges the harassment and has stated that there is a very high likelihood of this happening. I have been saving these emails.

Due to the very toxic nature of the program I am in, she is unwilling/unable to come forward and go on the record stating that the abuse has occurred. She does not want to "rock the boat".

I realize that if I were to be evaluated by my board of nursing and tell them my story, they would probably not believe me because the abuse is quite shocking and it is mighty hard to "prove" emotional abuse, especially when it is a "he said/she said" situation. I feel like my only recourse if I am placed in such a situation would be to provide the board of nursing with copies of the emails I have sent and received from the supportive instructor who acknowledges the abuse. I realize this is "throwing her under the bus" and it pains me to do that. This is a matter of self preservation that I even consider it.

If any of you were in my situation, what would you do given the likely consequences of inaction on my part? My only "witness" is the instructor I have mentioned and she will not come forward (I've asked). The others...are either complicit or like her, are too afraid to come forward as well (out of self preservation too).

I apologize for the length of this post. If you've made it this far, thank you for at least reading this. If you reply, I would be extremely grateful for any advice you could give me. It is going to be hard enough to survive one more semester, facing the uncertainty of the outcome of the nursing board only compounds my fear. :bluecry1:

Thank you very much. (sorry for any grammatical errors).

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Specializes in Pediatric/Adolescent, Med-Surg.

wow. (hug) If the state does indeed come after you, could you perhaps get a letter from your psychiatrist stating you are stabling, compliant witth meds and treatment? As long as you are stable I don't see what they could do to restrict your lisence.

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Specializes in IM/Critical Care/Cardiology.

Is there anyway you could receive letters of recomendation? Good for character. I agree with above poster on obtaining a letter from your M.D.

If it came down to it, to keep my licensure is good standing, I would certainly use the e-mails as proof that there is a problem and acknowledged by someone other than yourself.

Stay strong, you've already come along way.

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Thank you very much to the above posters for your replies. Yes, I can and will get a letter from both my psychiatric nurse practitioner and therapist, both of whom I have been seeing for 1.5 years now. I hope that this will be enough to convince the board of nursing that I do not require additional "monitoring".

I think the mere idea that this will likely happen is causing me a great deal of distress. I start my final semester August 14th and each day I find myself riddled with anxiety about going back, but quitting is not in my blood. I'm just scared of what is to come. Four semesters of harassment and one left...I guess I am feeling like this is their last chance to "weed me out" and to be honest, I feel weak right now. I am both angry and on the brink of falling apart. My tenacity prevents me from quitting, but that is all I am holding onto and I just hope against hope that it will be enough to carry me through one more semester.

My only passion is psychiatric nursing, oddly enough. I do wonder if I end up with a restricted license, if I will have a harder time getting a job in my desired field or if (hopefully) they will recognize my history as for what it is...a strength.

Thank you for your replies. :redbeathe

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

What do you all think about the poster making a kind of pre-emptive strike? Compile the info from your psychiatrist,your PCP and additional letters of recommendation,copy those e-mails (delete the signature) and meet with the program director yourself (with a witness present) Inform this person that you also have documentation regarding the harassment and if it continues you will pursue the matter.I work with a bi-polar nurse and she sometimes is un-stable due to non-complianace. She is PROTECTED because she has a disability.You are protected too.....You need to do whatever you can to remove this additional stress from your life,IMHO

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Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

Are you sure someone isn't saying things to intimidate you?

I've never heard of recovery programs for bipolar disorder. You can't "recover" from bipolar disorder; you can only be treated for it.

Nurses who violate their state laws of nursing or substance abuse laws get their licenses taken away permanently or sometimes temporarily while they are allowed to go into recovery programs if they are able to show that they can successfully complete a treatment program and stay sober.

As long as you met the legal qualifications for licensure as set forth in your nurse practice act and passed the NCLEX why would your state board deny you a license? At that point I would consult a lawyer.

I would recommend that you go onto the website of your state board of nursing, read the nursing law (there should be a weblink there), read the information there on the board's policy decisions (these are rules the board makes in addition to the laws to expand and clarify the laws) and read the information on initial licensure. Forget about reporting anyone for any kind of abuse. "He said/she said" situations are too hard to prove without witnesses and documentation and unless someone has violated the nursing act or a state board policy the state board isn't going to interfere. And, FYI, anyone who reports or complains about you to the state board, and anyone can make a complaint to them about anything, remains confidential (anonymous). That doesn't mean that the state board will take the complaint seriously; they will first determine if the nurse practice act or their policies were violated and if not they will dismiss the complaint.

If anyone ever has a restriction placed on their license any employer will know it. A restriction is not the same as a complaint that was filed against you. Every person who applied for a job where I worked had their license verified with the state board. Almost all employers do this license verification with the state boards themselves because anyone can present a false license to them during an interview. Any citizen can check the status of any RN's license online. It is public knowledge.

I don't know where you got the information that the school's nursing department was the "money maker" because it is usually the exact opposite. Most nursing programs are the most expensive programs that the schools run which is why many schools don't have them! Because of this they keep every student they can enrolled in their program to collect not only the tuition, but any grants that are coming their way from government sources because they are based on head counts. The equipment and materials needed to stock the nursing lab and the audiovisual stuff for the nursing library costs a bundle of money and it comes out of the nursing department budget.

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Specializes in CVICU, CPCU, Cath Lab/IR.

I agree with the above poster!

You should stay strong and push through this last semester. It is so unfair that you have to face this type of behavior. We are all supposed to be adults.

You could meet with the director with the above said papers, or you could have an attorney call them. We had a girl locally, they were treating her pretty badly and when an attorney made a call, they were kissing her ass!

You only have a few months left. YOu can do this. Don't let these people bring you down. It is ashame that teachers just sit around and watch this abuse happen.

I understand you wanting to keep the instructor out of it, but if it comes to it, you always have the emails. I would be a little hesitant on showing the director in advance, because she knows what teachers are there and could guess which one it was by the wording.

Good luck, keep us updated.

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Specializes in Pediatric/Adolescent, Med-Surg.

LostDruid, I have worked with/known nurses who battled bi-polar, some of these nurses were in and out of the hospital, often having to take a leave from work, and yet they never had their lisence suspended. If these nurses were never bothered by the state, why would you, who sounds very stable, have any problems?

Hang in there, you're almost finished!

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Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.
what do you all think about the poster making a kind of pre-emptive strike?

i think you all need to keep in mind that the op is bipolar (read up on the symptoms--mania and depression) and it doesn't take much to get her revved up. she doesn't need that right now. she should clear the slate, keep a low profile, focus on her schoolwork, graduating, and studying for the nclex. if there is one thing i got from what she posted it was that the instructors who are "harassing" her are trying to shut her up. we don't know what she was actually told by these instructors in face to face counseling--we only have her side of the story. the easiest course of action is for her to just maintain a low profile and learn to get along with these people. this will be a good exercise for her. she needs a recommendation from the school instructors to get her first job, so she has some fence mending to do. you all shouldn't be so quick to advise anyone to jump into a fight when their future career is at stake.

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I do think that my best bet would be to lay low (as I have been doing...with very limited success). I am lucky in that despite the very stressful situation I am in, I have not had any manic episodes (I have bipolar I). I am blessed with a very good treatment team. Anxiety though? Yes indeed, lol.

I am comforted by the previous posters encouraging words about how the board of nursing operates. I have been to their website and even though the application does not ask about history or current diagnosis of mental illness, it is something that a person can be placed in the recovery program for.

The reason I mentioned the nursing program as being the "money maker" on our campus is because that is what the academic dean tells the students. I am sorry if this information is incorrect, I don't know the inner workings of a nursing program, only what "those in the know" tell me. Sorry for the confusion.

I think it might be best if I keep the emails from the instructor alone unless I absolutely need them (if the board of nursing tells me I will have a restricted license or if it looks as though it is headed in that direction). I would hate to jump the gun for nothing.

Any tips on how to deal with the anxiety during this final semester? I've got some tools, but more never hurt, right?

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i would suggest to try to stay calm and stay focused on your work and what this struggle has signified for you; you have stayed with it and dealt with a lot of difficulty along the way. you can do it!:nuke:

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i think you all need to keep in mind that the op is bipolar (read up on the symptoms--mania and depression) and it doesn't take much to get her revved up. she doesn't need that right now. she should clear the slate, keep a low profile, focus on her schoolwork, graduating, and studying for the nclex. if there is one thing i got from what she posted it was that the instructors who are "harassing" her are trying to shut her up. we don't know what she was actually told by these instructors in face to face counseling--we only have her side of the story. the easiest course of action is for her to just maintain a low profile and learn to get along with these people. this will be a good exercise for her. she needs a recommendation from the school instructors to get her first job, so she has some fence mending to do. you all shouldn't be so quick to advise anyone to jump into a fight when their future career is at stake.

daytonite, i know your intentions are good hearted. you have always been very helpful to the students who post here. it actually does take quite a bit to "rev me up". i've had one manic episode ten days after i began taking requip for restless leg syndrome. i was diagnosed with bipolar i and quit taking the requip. that was in february of 2007. i am happy to say that i have not had another manic episode since then, despite the stress. i do know that by all accounts (according to the dsm criteria) i should be more symptomatic than i am. at the risk of sounding "grandiose" (a hallmark sign of bipolar mania...lol--which is not the case right now thankfully), i am doing exceptionally well with regard to my diagnosis.

thank you for the advice that i should not jump into a "fight" since my future career is at stake. i think that i would be borrowing trouble if i did that right now and that would only serve to make my anxiety worse. then i'd have to worry about the consequences of what i did to "protect" myself, lol.

thank you. :redbeathe

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