UGH!!!!! Leave me alone, I'm trying to study!!!!

  1. 0
    So I'm heading into my third week of NS. COPIOUS amounts of reading, assignments, and studying...... I told my guy during the first week, "I will be studying all the time, but Sundays and Mondays are set aside for NOTHING but studying", because my instructors like to post things on Blackboard that I need to review before classes on Tuesday. So, for two weeks now, he has invited his kids (grown) over for dinner on one of my study nights. This weekend, TWO of my study nights (both last night where we watched his grandson for five hours, and tonight when they will all be here for dinner) So I have to clean the house, go to the grocery store, and even though he does the cooking, I do the after dinner clean up. THIS AIN'T WORKIN' OUT! Not only that (as if that isn't enough), I could have all my books spread all around me, obviously knee deep in studying, and he involves me in conversations about politics and of all things, GOLF! Which I care nothing about! (Politics I do care about, not golf). If I was listening to someone else say this, I would be like,
    "Honey, your man is sabotaging you." But he wants this for me as bad as I do! He is proud of me, encouraging....... I am at my wits end and I am only three weeks in! I'm so stressed not from school as much as from making him understand how huge this is and how much I need some cooperation here. My first two tests are next week, and I finally had to just say "NO COMPANY next weekend." I have the study room with a desk, I just hate to sequester myself away like that, but I'm telling you, if everyone is still here tonight til nine p.m., my butt will be in the study with the door shut, rude or not!!!! FRUSTRATED!!!!! ... end rant.
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  4. 8 Comments so far...

  5. 1
    ((HUGS)) I am sorry you are feeling like this it feels good to let it out......whether intended or not he's sabotaging you. Clearly he is feeling the need for attention. address it directly with him. He needs to be respectful. Ask him why he is feeling neglected.......and it they are still there sat 9....I go and leave to study at eight.

    Do what you need to do for you!

    All the best!!!!
    lorirn2b likes this.
  6. 2
    It doesn't sound like he's sabotaging you, he just doesn't "get it". They never really do. I'm in my 2nd year and last year was a big ol' shocker for my hubby and son. When mommy almost had a mental breakdown, they finally figured out that I don't care to hear about the weather, what so and so said at work, or really anything, unless the house is on fire.

    My recommendation is to definitely sequester yourself in the study room with door closed. He won't really understand it until then.
    lorirn2b and beckyboo1 like this.
  7. 3
    I agree with rubato. It may take time, but he'll get it eventually. One thing you can do is print out a calendar and those days that you for sure do not want anyone over, make those squares red. Tell him those days are absolute 'NO' days, such as the night before an exam. Then do yellow days--days that you will need to get homework/projects done. Post the calendar on the fridge, then tell him that if he invites anyone over on those days, he's responsible for ALL of the cleaning and shopping, otherwise it's meeting at a restaurant and saying your good-byes from there. If they come on nights when you need to get stuff done, then excuse yourself by saying, "I'd love to stay and chat, but I really need to get some studying done." Do this even if it's at 7pm. Don't wait until 9 if that means you have to stay up later than you planned to. I've learned that to really get his attention, you have to approach it in a way that you normally don't so that he understands that this time it's different. If you are normally calm, then this is a time to throw a fit, "WHY DON"T YOU GET THIS?!?!?" If you normally are quick-tempered, then you need to sit him down and calmly say "Listen, I really need your support on this and don't feel like I'm getting it. So, I put together this calendar...".

    Good luck!
    gonzo1, lorirn2b, and beckyboo1 like this.
  8. 1
    Print out a weekly calendar with your study time clearly delineated on it so he can SEE when you have time blocked out for school & studying. Go over it with him and hang it on the fridge (or other conspicuous place).
    lorirn2b likes this.
  9. 0
    Thanks for all the fantastic advice and the calendar is GENIUS! I have my planner but no one but me sees the nightmare that is my planner!! I'm doing a calendar and placing it on the fridge, that idea is awesome.
  10. 2
    Find someplace to go to such as the school's library or a classmates house/ apt. and turn off your phone or tell him to only call if the house is on fire or he is on his way to the ER. Back when I was getting my first degree I went to a 24 hr restaurant. It became a ritual before tests. They weren't busy after 9pm, so I sat in a back booth or a closed section. I would order things intermittently and they would leave me alone. I left them a good tip (rent money) each night.
    lorirn2b and gonzo1 like this.
  11. 1
    I wonder if sometimes your husband could go to his kid's house for dinner... That way, he still gets to see them, and you have a nice, quiet house and no social obligation (and no clean-up!).
    lorirn2b likes this.
  12. 1
    I totally understand how you feel - but he WILL come around. When I first started, my family and friends just didn't get it. They wondered why I had to study so hard to be a nurse....and they were clueless as to why I needed a bachelor degree. Sometimes I think they see nurses as people who change bedpans and take blood pressure - and that's IT. I had to explain to them that nurses don't wear white dresses and hats with a red cross on it. No joke

    I used to have to apologize constantly for not being able to attend family parties, visit friends, spend "quality" time. It was hard at first, having to explain to my nieces & nephews that auntie couldn't attend every single school play, etc. My friends - I just don't see them at all. It's been a couple of years since I started this journey, and now they just know that my life is dedicated to study. I don't have to apologize anymore, and they take it as seriously as I do now.

    It's your JOB to do well in school, and you study so you can have a future worth having - for yourself, and for your family. Of course you don't want to ignore your husband all of the time, but a study schedule (like the others suggested) and a firm talk should do the trick. Maybe you can remind him that once you achieve your goals, he will benefit too (in many ways). Happy wife, happy life!
    lorirn2b likes this.


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