I'm a new nursing student who attends a university in Canada. While I love it and the support from my nursing faculty is phenomenal, I am not feeling well mentally. I have been in this state for many, many years. I made a vow to myself that I will get psychiatric help for myself soon but never did it. I won't go into detail about what has been happening to my mental health over the past few years but let's say, one of the problems causing this is my hearing disability and the resultant speech impediment. Over the past few years, I've noticed a huge deterioration in my speech and so haven't been able to communicate with people well. this is the huge reason why I'm preventing myself to go see a psychiatrist. What if the doctor is unable to understand me and because of that, the time is being wasted away??
I've been severely depressed about myself over the past few years and just this summer, it got much worse to the point where I had a mental breakdown while I was visiting my university for a leadership workshop. My mother thought it was separation anxiety but truth be told, it's not. I had so much going on in my mind (no it's not stress about nursing) that I could not cope with the demands of my daily life. I just could not, but it was really a miracle that I'm still alive today. No I'm not talking about suicidal thoughts or committing the suicide but it's amazing that I am still functioning today since that breakdown this summer. I think it's because I'm bottling my emotions up inside.
WHen I started university, I told myself that I cannot do it with the state of my mental health. I really don't know what's going on with myself - it could be depression, a mental disorder or whatever. That's why I'm on the verge of seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If I had not been like this, I would have coped with university in a much better way. But now I can't. It's becoming too much. I feel that the emotional pain I was in over the past few years is slowly returning to bite at me at the moment. It's creeping up in my inner self.
I can't muster courage to see a doctor and I don't think I will ever. last night, I was bawling my eyes out because I was really depressed and slept in (I've noticed big changes in my sleeping pattern because of not feeling well) and upon waking up, I came up with an idea. I am going to take a gap year after I complete this first year of nursing school and just do nothing about it. I might go traveling to make peace with myself or I can just sit at home and learn to overcome this hardship.
