Really At Lost With My Girlfriend (Nursing Student)

  1. I've been here before asking for advice. I hate to sound like I'm complaining, but I'm not. I just want to vent. I'm really ****** hurt. Excuse my language.

    Today was supposed to be a special day. We talked about it for a month. She would get home from school and we'd spend time together. We had to cut it in half because she was tired. I was okay with it.

    I knew this semester was tough. We went back and forth between "are you okay?" "yes." She got irritated eventually and I tried talking to her about it, but I got rejected twice. I think that's what's really hurting me right now. The fact that I was ready to let her know I was upset. I wasn't going to originally let her know because I used to be expressive like that and it was something that we didn't need as a couple.

    She's very busy and I've decided to stop giving her grief or making her feel guilty.

    Some people can say that if I meant something to her, she would make time. I've been thinking about that for the last couple of hours, yes. But what if she really didn't have enough time?

    I don't know. I'm just really hurt. I tried to eventually tell her, like I said, but she wouldn't really have any of it. Maybe it's due to frustration and lack of sleep. I was kinda distant with her the whole night. I was distracted. We were supposed to spend 5 hours with each other, but only 2.

    That may be enough, and it normally would've been. But the fact that we talked about this for a month. Prior to that (the Holiday), we didn't even spend that much together. And ever since school started for her and I, we've barely had 'us' time. There's times I'd spend 5+ hours with her, but that's studying. And I'm okay with that. It's enough for me. For now, anyways, since this semester is tough for her.

    I don't know. I think I'm going in circles. I'm afraid of talking to friends/others about this because they don't know how busy you guys are. "If she loves you enough, she'd make time." Yes, I know, but it's impossible!

    I need a hug
    Last edit by Esme12 on Jan 19, '13 : Reason: TOS/
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    About ffrraanncciiss

    Joined: Nov '12; Posts: 10; Likes: 2


  3. by   loriangel14
    YOU need a hug?

    You need to stop making this all about you.If she is busy and tired because of nursing school then you need to stop taking it personally.You say you are hurting. Ummm...why? All the poor girl is trying to do is get through nursing school and you are putting even more pressure on her.Why did you build up high expectations all around ONE day and now you are sulking because she is tired.You can't place all the responsibilty for your happiness on one person. You need to get a life instead and try to be more supportive and understanding.
  4. by   ffrraanncciiss
    That's what I was trying to do all night. I got disappointed, but I moved on because I had the 'big picture' in mind. I tried my best to not give her grief, but she kept asking. And when I did eventually try to talk to her and open up, she closed the front door (metaphorically).
  5. by   loriangel14
    Nursing school is very demanding and draining.Putting extra pressure on her is not going to help your relationship.

    I really don't know why you have posted this on allnurses. It has nothing to do with nursing and everything to do with your level of maturity.
  6. by   SaoirseRN
    I think the point you are missing here is the fact that she likely knows why you are upset, and that is what is bothering her.

    She's following her dream and it is a very difficult dream to attain. It's exhausting, physically and mentally. A full classroom day can be as draining as a hard day's labour.

    I'm sure she would love to spend more time with you, if she had the energy, which she doesn't. When I am that tired the last thing I want to do is deal with relationship drama or have a long serious talk with someone who insists they are "fine".

    Then you go and make her feel worse by being upset that she doesn't have more time. She is likely already feeling guilty about it, and at the same time, I know if that were me, I would feel angry at the lack of understanding you are showing. Given the choice between sulky boyfriend and a quiet night alone, I'm gonna pick the quiet.

    You ARE making it all about you, even if you either don't realize it or are trying very hard to convince yourself otherwise.

    I am not trying to be mean, I'm trying to tell you honestly how I am seeing this situation based on the info you provided.
  7. by   ffrraanncciiss
    Quote from SaoirseRN
    You ARE making it all about you, even if you either don't realize it or are trying very hard to convince yourself otherwise.
    You're very right.

    Even though I have been understanding, and trying my best to keep it that way, I think the way I show it can be improved.

    I tried to not come off as pouting throughout the night. And at times, I know I put a lot of effort into creating a normal conversation. I don't think I should be blamed for being distracted. With that said, I don't blame her for constantly asking me if I was upset.

    Also, I just want to make it clear that I wasn't trying to find some sort of "get rich quick scheme" where I can do something to magically fix a 'problem'. I was only trying to vent and hopefully get some advice, maybe from people who's gone through a similar situation, because I do love my girlfriend and I want to make sure she's comfortable physically and emotionally while we go through this semester.

    I care about her a lot and I've always encouraged her to prioritize her studies. I just feel like what I'm doing is wrong.
  8. by   loriangel14
    You really need to back off and stop demanding so much of her. Maybe she needs some space.Sometimes when you are tired the last thing you want to do at the end of a long day is deal with someone.You need to find some interests of your own and learn to make yourself happy instead of putting that responsibilty on her.
  9. by   SaoirseRN
    I appreciate that you are asking for advice -- that is good.

    I think the only thing I can say here is that nothing can get better until you honestly sort through your own feelings about this. In one sentence you say you are understanding, and I do believe you are trying to be, but mostly what you have said tells me that you aren't being as understanding as you want to be, or think you are. Again, not being mean, just honest.

    You have to figure out whether you can be there for her -- that is, realize and accept, truly that her time is limited and what free time she does have can't be all for you, either. This means not being upset (not BEING upset, not just trying to hide it) when she is too tired, not making her feel guilty (intentional or not) when she needs some self-time or doesn't want to talk because she's been talking all day. Nursing school is a finite endeavour. If you really care, a couple of years isn't all that much in the grand scheme of life.

    If you can't do that, well, you'll have to think about what is best for both of you if that's the case.
  10. by   ffrraanncciiss
    Quote from loriangel14
    You really need to back off and stop demanding so much of her.
    I understand you're trying to help and I appreciate it, but you're really not. You assumed way too much.

    I do have my own interest and I can be happy without her. Just because I 'complained' about tonight does not mean I constantly put pressure on her to prioritize me.

    Like I said. We sacrifice a lot for each other. When we're together, 90% of it is studying. That's enough for me. I'm very happy with the 2 minute conversations we have with another. I was just venting.

    Sure, you can argue I shouldn't be venting here. But I wanted to vent on a nursing forum, in hope that I would find someone who could understand my situation, and maybe shed some light on what I can do. Not a lot of people know what nursing students go through (including myself) and my friends certainly don't. No one really knows how demanding it is unless you personally know someone who goes through it.

    Anyways, I feel better, tbh. Thanks to you guys. Specially Saoirse.
  11. by   elprup
    Good luck. Hugs!
  12. by   loriangel14
    I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be unkind. You came here asking for advice. Based on your post I told you what I thought.
  13. by   Studentnurse14'
    Hello, I want to start by saying I totally understand what you are going through. I will not judge you and say you're selfish blah blah blah because you are only human. Why don't you try spending more time with her during studying time? I know at my school we have a conference room and although you can't interrupt her you can at least be close to her. Maybe bring your computer etc. Relationships take sacrifices from both sides. It will be over before you know it so hang in there champ and try to be supportive and don't be afraid to communicate with her not make her feel guilty but let her know you are there even while she is studying :P
  14. by   Bortaz, RN
    These chicks are right. You need to grow up a little bit before you sabotage her nursing career. Nursing school is hard enough without someone constantly hanging on to the teat. I'm a dude, btw. So it's not just the chicks rationalizing for the woman.