Nursing school is killing my relationship!

[jarielle22]

Hey guys. My name is Jenna and I'm 22 and engaged. Before nursing school my fiancé and I were fantastic but a year into nursing school (with a year left) it has been entirely difficult. We both knew it was going to be really hard, but it's to a point where we have no energy to keep trying. School has brought down my bubbly personality and demeanor and has sucked the energy from me. All my fiancé and I do is fight probably because we never see each other and when we do I fall asleep. My question to my nurses and nursing students is, how do you save your relationship during nursing school? How do you have a successful relationship? This is so hard for us. Things at enjoy going well.

Thank you for any input and advice!

Sincerely,

Jenna

[emmjayy, BSN, RN]

How did you get through it? I am in a long distance relationship with mine and it is driving me nuts! I am very supportive, I wished she would try and find time so that I can feel more involved in her studies. I have been through a similar school that was grueling for 4 years full time, even through summer classes, worked full time, did it without any support, and had to deal with cancer on top of it all. I know the stress and I know what I needed and didn't have...

I am also semi-long distance with my boyfriend (we were SUPER long distance my first year of school, now we see each other every weekend). We make it work by just being nice to each other. He asks me about my day every day and I tell him what I feel like sharing about school and clinical. I don't involve him in my studying though, that's just very distracting and he's not interested in learning about disease processes anyway haha. He also has a high stress job and needs to vent so we make time for each other to get all the junk from our day out and then move on to other topics. However, both of us prioritize each other, it's never a question of "will we have time to talk to each other tonight?" We make it work because we want it to work so we make time for each other and include each other in as much as we can :)

[jjimbop]

I am in a really long distant relationship,many miles away and not able to see each other often. I too have a high stress job, try not to tell her any of my negative experiences at work. I just don't understand the one sided part of our relationship. We have been together for over a year, lived together, and have always been pretty close and communication was great. All of a sudden it has turned into a one sided conversation in which I have to initiate anything, and when she does respond it is never anything fun anymore, it is always about her school, she hasn't asked or said anything about my life here, never acknowledges the fun cards or gifts I send as encouragement. I really love her but her lack of communicating to me is really hurting..I thought our relationship was quite a bit more solid than what it feels now. I know nursing school is tough, but how can I feel that I am some kind of priority if she goes out and does fun things with her friends(last time was a Valentine's Day dance) and not once was I txt, called, or IM to say anything fun that would validate that we have anything going on anymore.. I have been very supportive, been patient, tended to her needs, have been positive and have encouraged her when she has had computer issues as well as failing tests..I actually helped her get a higher score once or twice by convincing her to talk to the instructors... what is a loving supportive boyfriend supposed to do when he gets no affirmation or any acknowledgement for anything?

[emmjayy, BSN, RN]

^^ I never felt this way in my relationship, and neither has my boyfriend, even when we were across the country from each other and saw each other once every few months! It sounds like she does not put even half the effort into your relationship that you are putting in. You need to consider that this is her behavior during a difficult time in your relationship - to withdraw, ignore you, and take actions that cause you to doubt the strength of your relationship. It sounds like you're hurting, and you need to talk to her about it...

[jjimbop]

I spoke to her about it, Yhe response that I got was that she didn't have time to say anything to me because she feels very overwhelmed by school and she cherished her 8 hours of sleep every night she can. I am not asking her to talk or txt me every single moment, I just ask for the courtesy of acknowledging that we still have some kind of relationship and that even if it is just a simple txt once a week that it would suffice. If she doesn't have time to take 2 seconds to send a simple txt but has time to get on social media and comment or play a game with someone, why can I not get a couple moments of her free time just to say hello to me??

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I spoke to her about it, Yhe response that I got was that she didn't have time to say anything to me because she feels very overwhelmed by school and she cherished her 8 hours of sleep every night she can. I am not asking her to talk or txt me every single moment, I just ask for the courtesy of acknowledging that we still have some kind of relationship and that even if it is just a simple txt once a week that it would suffice. If she doesn't have time to take 2 seconds to send a simple txt but has time to get on social media and comment or play a game with someone, why can I not get a couple moments of her free time just to say hello to me??

I think she's telling you she's just not that into you anymore. Perhaps it's time to break up.

[jjimbop]

Thanks for everyone that has contributed to this post. Ruby, I am at that point, I have removed myself from social media and immediately she demands that I get back on it. Isn't that funny? I can't get her to say hello but she immediately tells me it is unfair and wants me to stay active in her life.. confused, confused, confused..

[Wannabenurseneko]

I don't think you two are ready for marriage. You need someone to support you while you are in Nursing school he's not doing any of that ;I know you will not like what I have to say, but he is not mature enough to handle where you are in your life he needs to grow up and , I think you should find another man who is mature enough to understand you can't be with him all the time .

[jjimbop]

You don't get it.. it isn't that I need to "grow up".. she is struggling and is trying to do this on her own. If she told me to leave her I would have but she is telling me to stick around and tolerate this till she is done.. big difference.