Not fitting in

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Well, I've been in school for two weeks now.

I'm having a hard time being social and making any kind of

friendship.

Part of the problem is that it seems that most everyone already knew each other from being in previous pre-req classes and when I look around at the class you can clearly see that all of the "groups" have formed.

Its hard to butt into a group. Whenever we have to pick partners, ect....I'm always the oddball left out without a partner. Its humiliating after a while. Takes me back to the days when I was always to last person to be picked for a team in gym class -and then I wasnt picked, they got stuck with me by default.

But my biggest problem is that I was born with a facial birth defect and people just seem to steer clear of me before they even try to get to know me.

I admit that I am shy at first, but once I know a person I'm not shy at all....I think I have a pretty good personality, kind, funny, helpful, caring, ect....

Growing up school was H*LL for me, I was teased and bullied throughout all of my school years. I'm 34 yo and you'd think I would have outgrown this fear and intimidation but I haven't.

Then there are the young and beautiful "mean girls." Guess which group I have labs with....them. Today we have to do head to toe assessments and I am scared to death. First, once again I'll have no partner and then during the assessments I'm going to be feeling like the class freak.

My birth defect can mostly be hid by my hair (mostly on the side of my face) but I do have a deep scar on the side of my mouth. My teeth are pretty crooked too. My right ear had to be rebuilt so its not "normal" and there are scars all near it. The right side of my face is not symmetrical to the left side.

Some people notice right off the bat and it take some people a while to realize that I'm not normal.

(jeeze....that all sounds really bad!)

Anyhow, I can hide most of this with keeping my hair down and its kind of curly and covers most of the side of my face.

But it will all be "discovered" today in lab and I'm *really* not looking forward to the reactions and being stared at and whispered about for the next week or so.

Its enough to make me want to throw in the towel, but I'm stubborn and have wanted to be a nurse since I was a young child so I'm sure I'll perservere, but its all totally humiliating.

I think I feel worse because I'm with this group of people for the next 18 months and I just would really like to fit in a bit. Most of the time I can stand and even like being a loner and keeping to myself, but sometimes its hard to take when I look around and everyone is buddies with everyone and going to lunch together & making plans to study and all that.....

I'm have a hard time approaching any classmate and breaking the ice to get a conversation started. Any tips?

When people get to know me they generally really like me, but its very hard to get people to accept me and get to the point of knowing me.

I don't know why I am so darned intimidated by my nursing class. I generally dont have this big of a problem with all of this stuff. People do tend to stare at my scars, ect when talking to me (much like a person would stare at or "talk to" a large breasted woman's chest instead of focusing on her and what she's saying) and that totally unerves me for some reason and I immediately lose all confidence. Why do people do this? Even instructors. Can't anyone be discreet if they must stare? :o

I didn't get any sleep last night because I'm so darned nervous about lab today. Guess I'll just grin and bear it like I've always done.

I'm frustrated that I'm a grown woman and these things still bother me so much. Kind of pathetic, but its hard to be the class freak! :imbar

Thanks for letting me vent, this is gonna be a difficult day.......

Specializes in Staff nurse.

...I was in my 40s when I went to pre-nursing classes and nursing school, had 2 kids in college and was nervous at the thought of starting over. What I did to get into the school thing again was volunteer anytime the instructor needed a warm body for a demo. I am not gorgeous :) and actually a little self concious about my not being Vanna's twin, but it was something to get a little exposure to being a regular person. Good luck and as Tweety mentioned, you have a husband and 7 kids who love you. :)

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Well, I've been in school for two weeks now.

I'm having a hard time being social and making any kind of

friendship.

You will make friends! Put your hair back in a ponytail and hold your head high. I think you do your classmates a disservice by not giving them the benefit of the doubt, that they will accept you AS YOU ARE. If someone sitting next to you is staring (and I'm not saying that it's right! It's NOT!) smile and say "hey, how are you doing today?". Try to remember what it was like to be 18- at that age I had a lot of awe for adult married women w/children. I assumed they wouldn't want to talk to me, not the other way around.

Once you break the ice this will get so much easier!

Bethany

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Specializes in Infection Preventionist/ Occ Health.

I'm sorry you're going through all this stress at the beginning of the semester. I also had a hard time when I began nursing school. I'm not very outgoing when I first meet new people, and it took most of the first semester of NS to make a few friends.

As for your lab, hopefully you will find that your classmates are capable of being empathetic. They are in school to be nurses, after all.

There is a group of shallow, unfriendly girls in my class as well. I remind myself, however, that they are not the majority of the class, even though it may seem that way some days. I have a feeling that there are others in your class who have the same apprehensions you do about getting to know people.

Rest assured that there are at least a few quality people in each class. It's just a matter of being patient until you get to know them. In the meantime, remember that you always have us at Allnurses for support and encouragement :)

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Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

Beautiful advice above. Best wishes to you!

0 Votes
Specializes in Onc/Hem, School/Community.
Well, I've been in school for two weeks now.

I'm having a hard time being social and making any kind of

friendship.

Part of the problem is that it seems that most everyone already knew each other from being in previous pre-req classes and when I look around at the class you can clearly see that all of the "groups" have formed.

Its hard to butt into a group. Whenever we have to pick partners, ect....I'm always the oddball left out without a partner. Its humiliating after a while. Takes me back to the days when I was always to last person to be picked for a team in gym class -and then I wasnt picked, they got stuck with me by default.

But my biggest problem is that I was born with a facial birth defect and people just seem to steer clear of me before they even try to get to know me.

I admit that I am shy at first, but once I know a person I'm not shy at all....I think I have a pretty good personality, kind, funny, helpful, caring, ect....

Growing up school was H*LL for me, I was teased and bullied throughout all of my school years. I'm 34 yo and you'd think I would have outgrown this fear and intimidation but I haven't.

Then there are the young and beautiful "mean girls." Guess which group I have labs with....them. Today we have to do head to toe assessments and I am scared to death. First, once again I'll have no partner and then during the assessments I'm going to be feeling like the class freak.

My birth defect can mostly be hid by my hair (mostly on the side of my face) but I do have a deep scar on the side of my mouth. My teeth are pretty crooked too. My right ear had to be rebuilt so its not "normal" and there are scars all near it. The right side of my face is not symmetrical to the left side.

Some people notice right off the bat and it take some people a while to realize that I'm not normal.

(jeeze....that all sounds really bad!)

Anyhow, I can hide most of this with keeping my hair down and its kind of curly and covers most of the side of my face.

But it will all be "discovered" today in lab and I'm *really* not looking forward to the reactions and being stared at and whispered about for the next week or so.

Its enough to make me want to throw in the towel, but I'm stubborn and have wanted to be a nurse since I was a young child so I'm sure I'll perservere, but its all totally humiliating.

I think I feel worse because I'm with this group of people for the next 18 months and I just would really like to fit in a bit. Most of the time I can stand and even like being a loner and keeping to myself, but sometimes its hard to take when I look around and everyone is buddies with everyone and going to lunch together & making plans to study and all that.....

I'm have a hard time approaching any classmate and breaking the ice to get a conversation started. Any tips?

When people get to know me they generally really like me, but its very hard to get people to accept me and get to the point of knowing me.

I don't know why I am so darned intimidated by my nursing class. I generally dont have this big of a problem with all of this stuff. People do tend to stare at my scars, ect when talking to me (much like a person would stare at or "talk to" a large breasted woman's chest instead of focusing on her and what she's saying) and that totally unerves me for some reason and I immediately lose all confidence. Why do people do this? Even instructors. Can't anyone be discreet if they must stare? :o

I didn't get any sleep last night because I'm so darned nervous about lab today. Guess I'll just grin and bear it like I've always done.

I'm frustrated that I'm a grown woman and these things still bother me so much. Kind of pathetic, but its hard to be the class freak! :imbar

Thanks for letting me vent, this is gonna be a difficult day.......

Hey there, I hope your day goes OK. My heart goes out to you. I would bet a million dollars that you are going to be one of the best nurses around. Having lived with a deformity, you will have the upmust compassion for patients with the same difficulties. As for establishing groups for labs, I can tell you that I would much rather have someone caring and smart, like you, than anyone else. I hate grouping up and being the only one that works. Hang in there sweety, you are going to be a blessing to the nursing community. Also, I once worked with a nurse who had severe burn scarring on her face and she was great with the pts. and one smart cookie to boot!:p :p

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First of all, don't let a facial birthmark convince you that you are not normal. God does not create abnormal.

I have a similar background to yours. I was always the last one picked. I am in my 40s now, but I still remember the pain of that period. You must get past it. I too have had flashbacks to my earlier days since being in nursing school. But now I know that only one matters, that is God. Don't let people who are in clicks make you feel badly. know that you can do what you set out to do regardless of how people feel about you. Remember that even Jesus was not accepted by everyone.

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