My first dead guy

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Well, it took me this long (graduate in Dec.) to get my first dead guy. I am a nurse tech in PICU and ER, and yesterday a guy came in with EMS doing CPR on a 74-yr old. He died, and the nurse invited me in to remove his et tube after the family was gone, etc. For some reason "nearly dead" hasn't bothered me, yet "dead" does, but yesterday I handled it well. It seemed quite clinical, until I lifted the sheet to see his legs, and there were the generic khaki shorts anybody would put on in Florida to spend their Saturday pruning flowers or mowing the grass. They were worn enough to know he'd spent a good part of the day in them before he died, and the idea that he'd picked out those shorts, and pulled them on, not knowing it would be the last time, made me feel more sadness than anything else about the experience.

Wendy

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Dying is part of living.

Most people understand that, if you're lucky, you have 70 yrs plus/minus a decade or two.

You plan your whole life on that math. If you knew you were going to live to be 500 yrs old, then why bother to start school until say, 50? Why move out of your parents home until age 200?

You plan your whole life based on how long you expect to live. In nursing school, you get training in age development. A 74yr old views life from a much different perspective than you. I'm sure he was much more prepared for the possibility of dying than you.

Dying is healthy - we are cogs in the greater beauty of the universe and that beauty requires transition. Our society freaks out about dying because we are materialistic by nature (notice I'm not saying that YOU are materialistic, but you are a product of your society and so inherit the same fears and stigma of a materialistic society). The chief fear of materialism is losing it. So, our society fears death. IMHO, it's an unhealthy fear.

Not to push religion on you, but if this really bothers you, and you'd like to study about the concept of living and death, go to a Christian (or Jewish) bookstore and find a commentary about the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is all about the meaning of life. It might give you insight.

And remember, while you must respect the religious beliefs of your patients, that doesn't preclude you from using your own. I always say a silent prayer for patients that die, ala "God, please bless this person on his/her journey and forgive them all the bitter actions that they might regret and bless them for any seeds of kindness that they spread while here. Go with them from here and continue to bless them." - and then I end it with the silent directive to the patient - "Godspeed". But that's me.

I would find the coping mechanisms for this. Dying is a part of life and most certainly an integral part of being a nurse. And more that that, when families can't cope, you have to be there for them. Who's gonna take care of a grieving family when somebody has to take care of you?

Try Ecclesiastes. It has a powerful insight. "The day of a man's death is greater than the day of his birth . . ."

~faith,

Timothy.

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Specializes in critical care; community health; psych.

Hey Wendy,

Wow, your first dead guy. I haven't seen death yet either but now that I'm working in SICU, I expect it won't be long before I see my first code at the very least. I don't remember them teaching us much about doing a death kit.

Hope your summer is going ok.

Kathy

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I had the same problem with dead bodies. I couldn't even go to my step-father's funeral because I was afraid to see his body. :o

My first death here in the hospital was actually good for me because I helped the CNA with the post-mortum care, which ended up teaching me about respect and honor. I feel priviledged now to do that.

steph

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Hey Wendy,

Wow, your first dead guy. ...

Hope your summer is going ok.

Kathy

Hi Kathy! I hope your summer's going OK too! We are SO coming around that last stretch. I don't know about you, but I want the hat, the pin, works, and soon. See you in a couple weeks! :nurse:

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Dying is part of living.

Most people understand that, if you're lucky, you have 70 yrs plus/minus a decade or two.

You plan your whole life on that math. If you knew you were going to live to be 500 yrs old, then why bother to start school until say, 50? Why move out of your parents home until age 200?

You plan your whole life based on how long you expect to live. In nursing school, you get training in age development. A 74yr old views life from a much different perspective than you. I'm sure he was much more prepared for the possibility of dying than you.

Dying is healthy - we are cogs in the greater beauty of the universe and that beauty requires transition. Our society freaks out about dying because we are materialistic by nature (notice I'm not saying that YOU are materialistic, but you are a product of your society and so inherit the same fears and stigma of a materialistic society). The chief fear of materialism is losing it. So, our society fears death. IMHO, it's an unhealthy fear.

Not to push religion on you, but if this really bothers you, and you'd like to study about the concept of living and death, go to a Christian (or Jewish) bookstore and find a commentary about the book of Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is all about the meaning of life. It might give you insight.

And remember, while you must respect the religious beliefs of your patients, that doesn't preclude you from using your own. I always say a silent prayer for patients that die, ala "God, please bless this person on his/her journey and forgive them all the bitter actions that they might regret and bless them for any seeds of kindness that they spread while here. Go with them from here and continue to bless them." - and then I end it with the silent directive to the patient - "Godspeed". But that's me.

I would find the coping mechanisms for this. Dying is a part of life and most certainly an integral part of being a nurse. And more that that, when families can't cope, you have to be there for them. Who's gonna take care of a grieving family when somebody has to take care of you?

Try Ecclesiastes. It has a powerful insight. "The day of a man's death is greater than the day of his birth . . ."

~faith,

Timothy.

That was beautiful, Tim. :)

I can't add much to the above, only that it's OK to be sad when a patient dies. It doesn't mean falling apart and being of no use to anyone, but it's terrible when a nurse is so jaded that s/he can't feel......I know the day that I can't at least muster a little prayer for the dead person and some kind words for the family is the day I leave nursing forever.

You will get 'used to' dealing with death in time---it does get easier---but no matter how many people you see pass on in the course of your career, some will affect you more than others. Some will barely cause a 'blip' on your radar screen, while others will hit you hard enough to make you question your professionalism........About a year ago, I admitted a 42-year-old man, the father of three teenaged and younger children, for chest pain. Turned out he had the same congenital heart defect that had killed his father at the same age, and his brother at age 39.......I don't know why he never was tested---maybe he didn't want to know---but he coded on us before we could transfer him to ICU.

He coded two more times after we got him there, and all we could do was try to reassure this terrified man that we wouldn't let him die, while we watched in horror as his color went from healthy to pale to blue to purple, and his breathing became more labored, and his BP bottomed out at 36/0.......

That one required a debriefing for all of us who were involved, and I even sought extra counseling afterward from our employee assistance program. His eyes still haunt me sometimes, and even though none of us could have changed the course of his deterioration, I wonder occasionally if there was something else we could have tried, at least to stabilize him so we could get him to a bigger hospital that could handle this emergency. :crying2:

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His eyes still haunt me sometimes, and even though none of us could have changed the course of his deterioration, I wonder occasionally if there was something else we could have tried, at least to stabilize him so we could get him to a bigger hospital that could handle this emergency. :crying2:

Jesus...that itself is haunting.

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