Mixed Emotions About Nsg School

CeilingCat, ASN, RN · Apr 27, 2011

Nursing school is a full-time (sometimes even an overtime) job unto itself. I think you're right to be noticing differences in the kids. If you don't need to enter nursing right now, don't feel bad about postponing graduating. Once the kids are adults, you'll reflect back and know you could never get those missed years back. I think you're setting a great example for them by putting THEM first, ahead of paycheck.

I don't mean to be sound pessimistic, but I know that of the people who dropped out of my nursing program, family/spouse/child stress is the top reason. Some people are getting divorces. One person had her younger kids suddenly involved in discipline issues at school. Another was putting her infant in daycare so much, a stranger was raising her, and the mom realized she was uncomfortable.

There will always be another year they offer nursing classes. There will only be this one time you can enjoy your child's first day at school, first baseball game, or first dance.

In the meantime, have you considered working p/t as a nurse's aid. Get experience and get a little extra spending money? And this way you can see if it you like it.

holisticallyminded · Apr 27, 2011

I hate to say this but it is my opinion (others will differ, I'm sure): if you think nursing school is robbing you of time with your kids, just wait until you're a nurse! It's crappy, tiring work, running around helping everybody in sight and neglecting self (bathroom breaks? Lunch? Personal phone calls to check on the kids?) until you no longer have the energy to take care of your kids. And since the job market for new grads isn't good, I wouldn't waste my time. That's honest. If I could afford to stay home with my kids, I would. There's no way in hell I would do this if that was an option. I don't even want to make dinner anymore. Errands? Can I get it online? Taking the kid to the park? I need my sleep!! This feels like a very blue-collar existence with pay to match (adjusted for inflation). And I'm in LTC with 25% on my pay for per diem (I make more than all of the new grads in acute care that I know- but I get benefits through spouse) AND it is actually much easier than acute care! I whined and complained initially about not being able to find a job in acute care after graduation but am quickly realizing that I can't do 12 hour shifts and I can't work nights and I am not willing to give my entire life to my job. I'm not 22 and single. And I've wondered many a time why the hell I gave up my old job for "better opportunity" and because I liked "direct patient care." Ha! Now I deal with aching legs and low blood sugar.

jgamom · Apr 27, 2011

I know that you've gotten a lot of good advice here, but I couldn't keep myself from posting. I, too, am a mother of 3 ages 16, 11, and 9. I had been an at-home mom for most of my eldest's life and for all of the other two. Going back to school was a huge step for me as I had such strong feelings about being at home with my children. If life and economic circumstances hadn't pushed me to go back into the workplace, nursing would have probably remained at the top of the "If I had it to do over again" list. I spent a year doing prerequisites (my first degree is in accounting) and now I'm half way through with an accelerated BSN program. I, too, have struggled on many occasions with the mommy guilt.

There are a few of things that I'd like to share. 1) With each stage of your children's lives, you will have new challenges. Just when one phase seems like it is overwhelming, it eases and a new one begins. You will have to be diligent to utilize as many teaching moments as possible. Now you can just add your example of diligence in education as one of them. 2) If you are like me, you probably struggle with feeling like your husband isn't as capable of molding your children as well as you in those small daily moments that you can foresee becoming bigger ones down the road. This may or may not be true. One thing I do know, if your husband is devoted to you and the children, he is capable of stepping up to the plate. In our home, it's been a blessing in disguise because I learned that they can make it without me being on top of every moment. My husband has also gained a lot of confidence and has built better relationships will all of the children. Like I said, it's been a blessing in disguise, and it's also been humbling. 3) Although your son is in 2nd grade, it is probably going to be better that you are doing this now as opposed to later. Your children do need your attention more as they get older. You'll be happy that you are able to give them more of yourself when they truly need you to be paying attention. 4) When my kids get upset about the missed field trips/etc., I try to explain it and also try to give that child a special time alone with me. I also let them negotiate what things are most important for me to attend. Those moments are few and far between right now as I'm taking 18 credits a semester, but I really try to spend quality time with them. At this point, I have had to tell all of my friends/extra family members that I will be unavailable until graduation. My immediate family gets any extra time. It's working, but I also am experiencing friend guilt and continued mommy guilt when I can't attend something important to my child. 5) We've had to step back from some of our kid's extracurricular activities during this time. Although that sometimes bothers me, I know it is for a time and season. My oldest child is heavily into sports and we have to work that out. I do try to make it to most of his sporting events, but I always have my study materials with me. It just matters that I'm in the stands most of the time. My two younger children have had to take the year off for the most part. For me, it's all about picking battles. 6) Most importantly, I really try to have a good attitude around my husband and children. Even though I'm super tired, I try not to be cranky and short with them. After all, I am not the only one going through this. In my program, I've seen a couple of marriages and engagements fail. It does take a toll on relationships. Make sure that you are giving your husband the appreciation and affection that he needs. Your schooling affects everybody.

Remember, you can do anything for another year and one-half or two years. You'll be glad you did. It will ease the family income, you'll have job security for the future, you'll be able to show your boys the importance of hard work and diligence, and you'll be able to help people who really need it. In the end, you will know that you made the correct choice.

It's okay to let your house go a little bit and to forget a homework assignment every once in a while (I told my kid's teachers what I was doing and they have been very understanding and supportive). There have been times when we feel like we've failed them, especially when we miss a school deadline or get a "needs to practice multiplication tables" note on the report cards. It will all work out in the end. The one thing that is important to maintain is a loving relationship with your spouse and your kids. You'll do great, and your family will be stronger for it. As long as your children feel loved and cherished, they'll do just fine. And you will have accomplished your dream. :yeah:

livelaughlove09 · Apr 27, 2011

Well there's lots of different opinions here, so at least you get it from all sides.

I agree with a lot of the other previous posts and my experience has been the same as a lot of theirs. I too am a mom, of 4, ages 13, 11, 3, and 2. Nursing school goes by fast. It doesn't seem like it, but it does. I too started a nursing program in 2005 when my older girls were 7 and 5. It was a ton of work and I did well, but during the second semester I couldn't handle the school/life balance (there were a lot of factors there, loss of job, loss of parents, etc.) I dropped out, and burst into tears when I told one of my nursing instructors after a post conference at clinical when she praised me to high heavens for my performance that day. I was a stressed out wreck.

Fast forward 5 years...add two more babies to the mix, Irish twins at that, just 361 days apart, ages 2 and 1 when I went back to nursing school (which I had to start over from the beginning mind you, because I moved and went to a different school. My pre reqs A&P and Micro were only good for 5 years so it was now or never.) Why I chose to go back to school now (besides the pre reqs), despite the horrible timing, was definitely economy driven. My husband, who had managed our finances since I had been laid off from my job, came to me when I was 4 months pregnant with my last, and informed me that he was going to be taking a job in Afghanistan because we just weren't making it financially "it's only for a year". Come again? I had no idea we were struggling as much as we were, and our mortgage was 3 months behind. He was scheduled to leave 2 weeks after I had the baby. He was there for about 6 months, then informed me that he didn't think he wanted to come back to his job making his meager salary in law enforcement after so many years on the job (17), and that the increase in pay he was making hadn't gone as far as we'd expected it, and "wouldn't it be better to pay off EVERYTHING??" Come again? I was raising 4 children on my own (yes I know the paycheck counts for something) but staring at those walls day in and day out changing 20 diapers a day and crying myself to sleep at night being miserable because I always had my own career and I had always ALWAYS wanted to finish nursing school, and blaming myself for my husband having to go away because I didn't, wore me down to nothing. I say at least once a week I should have done this before marriage, before kids, before other college, before other careers, so do I have regrets about dropping out of nursing school? You betcha.

Are my kids upset about not spending as much time with me as they used to? Probably. Sometimes I think they'd rather have me be away than to deal with me if I were stressed out about being unhappy or financially unstable. My son (3) cries for me every single day when I leave him at daycare. Then when I pick him up he hugs me and appreciates the time we spend together at night. When I am studying he puts his finger to his nose an mouth and says "shhhh momma tuddy" My 2 year old doesn't even bother to cry for me when I drop her off, she just kisses me and waves goodbye and goes about her day (that's a girl thing I think.) My older kids say at least a few times a month that they're not even going to think about getting married until they have their college education and their career in order. I'm setting good examples for my children to follow, and so are you.

Are they normal? Absolutely. Do they have behavior issues once in awhile? Absolutely. Do I have time to sit and do their homework with them? Nope, sure don't, and my daughter that isn't the greatest in school gets afterschool tutoring from her teacher twice a week (someone much more suited to teach her than I am). Do I love my kids and do they KNOW that I love them? Absolutely. I tell them all the time and I show them as much as possible. My goal is to graduate, pass NCLEX, get a job, and get my husband home. Period. We all will be much better off if we can be a family again. We are going on 3 years without him and I think that's been much harder on the kids than my going to school. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. I've just tried to make things as normal as I possibly could for them. The time has flown by. They are no worse for the wear. My son who will be 4 will pin me at graduation in 99 days. It goes fast. It will all be over before you know it. Don't feel guilty. Look for a specific goal that achieving this will do for you and your family, them in particular. And think about that. Don't focus on what you're not doing right now in the short term, think about what you will be doing for them for the rest of your life.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Apr 28, 2011

You gave a lot of wise advice here. I wish you all the best.

TiddlDwink · Apr 29, 2011

Well, I have to say I don't know what it's like to be in nursing school and have young children. I finished before I had my children (who are now 27 and 30).

I WILL say this, though: While I love nursing, and while it has given us many things we couldn't have had on just my husband's income, if I had my life to live over, I would go into something that does not require me working holidays (Christmas, New Year's, 4th of July, etc.) and leaving my family to celebrate/watch fireworks/open presents/eat turkey without me. I missed a lot of my children's special times by having to work.

That's not to mention weekends, nights, forced overtime when I've promised to "be there" for ball games, birthdays, etc.

So, if you think you don't have enough time NOW for your kids, just wait til you are working godawful hours, holidays and birthdays!

holisticallyminded · Apr 30, 2011

I noticed quite a few people talked about finishing education before having kids, getting settled, etc. This is my second career. I did "college" along with everybody else when I was in my late teens/early twenties. But no career is foolproof. Not even this one. "Worker retraining" has become a way of life. That's why there was a nursing school bubble that many of us are suffering from now........

tidebeckons · Apr 30, 2011

emptyboxcars... I understand your worry and how you are feeling, as I have thought about those very same feelings of guilt as a mother of my 5 year old daughter. Stayed home with her first 4 years of her life, and have had to begin working due to need for income. Start nursing school myself this Fall.

All you can, and must, do is to pray about it. May the Lord bring comfort to you in this matter, and point you into the right place.

swirlo · Apr 30, 2011

Keep plugging away at nursing school--you are too close. One day soon you will make good money and have plenty of time with your kids. The sacrifice may have to go on your shoulders with lack of sleep so you can spend time with your kids. It will be worth it in the end. Give them good quality time when you are with them, and they won't forget the love you have for them.

moma8gma1 · Apr 30, 2011

Yes, if you've already completed a year, I recommend you push on and finish your nursing degree. Don't let that year be a waste (as well as the time you put in knocking down the pre-requisites) -- afterall, your whole family has sacrificed for you to have come this far. Do what you can to have special time w/ each child, even if it is just going for a walk to get an ice cream cone. Eyes on the prize!

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Apr 30, 2011

Keep plugging away at nursing school--you are too close. One day soon you will make good money and have plenty of time with your kids. The sacrifice may have to go on your shoulders with lack of sleep so you can spend time with your kids. It will be worth it in the end. Give them good quality time when you are with them, and they won't forget the love you have for them.

This is was what I did becaus I too was their only provider. They grew up more self sufficient, and both completed graduate school. Now they are blessing me with 3 grandchildren from each one. Yes, both have goodmarriages too. I couldn't ask for more. They have blessed me so much. :redpinkhe:)