Freeloading Classmates....GRRR!

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Okay....

I have a classmate who always seems to be freeloading off of me. For a while I thought she was my friend, but now I just feel like she uses me. She uses me for rides to places, my washing machine and dryer and now recently got upset with me because I didn't want to sit on the phone and give her the answers to our homework, let alone talk on the phone when it was late because I just wanted to relax. Now she's giving me the silent treatment, but I know that'll end to next time she wants something from me. Any advice?

Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

Unfortunately, the world is full of slackers and those who feel the need to help them..i have certainly had my share. some of them genuinely dont think they are doing anything wrong! :uhoh21: The last time i had that happen to me i straight out told her i barely have time to do my own work let alone someone elses! i suggested she contact the instructor for extra help if she didnt understand...got insulted and said i wasnt a team player, but she has never approached me again to do her work, and has gotten similar answers from other people, so she is finally getting the hint!:rolleyes: I know i felt like an a$$ but had to do it, cuz i really like her as a person , she just doesnt like to do her own work..thinks she is too busy!(check out my life, silly!)

I know i felt like an a$$ but had to do it, cuz i really like her as a person , she just doesnt like to do her own work..thinks she is too busy!(check out my life, silly!)

Yeah, I usually get the "I have to WORK today!" :uhoh21: Well you know what? I'd kill to be in my early 20's again and not have a husband and family to also take care of while I go to school. Since I don't work, I'm looked at like I have it sooooooo easy. I've even gotten attitude because I've had to duck out of study sessions early so I can go to the grocery store, get something to make for dinner, run my kids to their sports and go home and make dinner. Then when I don't want to sit on the phone at 9:00 at night and go over homework that I all ready finished hours ago, I'm told "well I had to WORK!". What the heck does she think I was doing all day? At the spa doing my homework while the kids had the car and drove themselves to all their after school stuff?! :angryfire

Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.

Unfortunately, while you may keep dropping hints, you and your classmates, some people just NEVER get it. You can even tell them to their face that you can't help them anymore, and they STILL don't get it. I think the reason is, and I've learned this from all my years of experience - not just school, but life with 4 kids also - is that some people are used to having everything done for them, handed to them, or being coddled through everything. They've learned how to manipulate and beg and whine and cry. I had a secretary that made a HUGE error one time (when I worked in the magazine publishing industry) - she ran the WRONG ads for not one, but THREE different advertisers in one month. One of the advertisers hadn't even placed an ad that month. But she cried, literally, her way out of it with my boss. And this was after 3 "fail-safe" measures before the final printing to make sure everything was fine. She was too busy planning her wedding to notice any of them.

Anyway, she always had things done for her, and once again, got away with it. I even told my boss what an IDIOT he was for not taking the thousands of dollars we had to pay for the screw-ups out of her pay.

You may not be able to drop hints with them. Heck, you may even have to tell them 100x directly that you won't help them before they "get" it. Sad, but true. Some people think they can waltz through nursing school like they've waltzed through everything else. It is very infuriating though, and I do feel your frustration.

I always hate wondering if someone is my friend because they like me, or like my generous nature and knack for studying! LOL

always hate wondering if someone is my friend because they like me, or like my generous nature and knack for studying! LOL

Exactly!

When someone gets into a habit of always asking me for things, especially without reciprocating, I have learned to set boundaries, whether it be friends, family or co-workers. You have the right to say "No" without explanation, excuse or reason... just plain "No."

There was a great book out about 20 years ago or so called "When I say No, I feel guilty" that deals with this topic and assertiveness. It's still a great read.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553263900/002-9874843-5108833

kirbi

When someone gets into a habit of always asking me for things, especially without reciprocating, I have learned to set boundaries, whether it be friends, family or co-workers. You have the right to say "No" without explanation, excuse or reason... just plain "No."

There was a great book out about 20 years ago or so called "When I say No, I feel guilty" that deals with this topic and assertiveness. It's still a great read.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553263900/002-9874843-5108833

kirbi

Second the book recommend.

We had a girl in our class who was always asking everyone for help. During one term we never really were able to talk to our clinical instructor because, for some reason, this girl always had an appointment with her after clinicals.

A group of us worked on writing up all the topics our instructor would say would be on the exam; we told one of the members to not give it to her, but she did, anyway. Unfortunately for this girl, fortunate for us, someone in her family became ill and she had to go home. Don't know whether she'll come back.

NurseFirst

oh I can soo relate!

For the last test in Phys and Micro I had several people come to me for my "test banks" that I create from the notes in class. Now I don't mind sharing with people that help me during Lab or who I know are working on their own tests to study. But it burns me up when people want it because they do not want to bother with trying to do it themselves. Or are too busy being "cool", rude or whatever to participate in class.

I did get the last laugh tho..... one group was pretty rude to the people at my table, making fun of their questions to prof etc. Then just before the test, they had someone ask me for my notes.... uh... NO!

I decided to share my "work" (hours worth at times) with only those people who I share work or lab with. I do very well on my tests..... I don't think everyone from that group even passed the test.:rolleyes:

I guess people will learn that to make the grade, they must do the work.:)

Move on and find new friends. :) She'll probably find someone new to mooch off of.... :chuckle

[quote name=lpn2bee05 but ya know---my classmates actually thought I was the one in the wrong, because "poor...."

...and with my luck i end up with that type on my 1st job....:chair: :eek:[/quote]

"Helping" is doing something for someone that they are not capable of doing themselves. zSB(3,3);if(!z336){var zIsb=gEI("adsb");if(zIsb){zIsb.style.display="inline";zIsb.style.height="0px";zIsb.style.width="0px";}var zIss=gEI("adss");if(zIss){zIss.style.display="inline";zIss.style.height="0px";zIss.style.width="0px";}}

"Enabling" is doing for someone things that they could, and should be doing themselves.

I think its important for a nurse to understand the difference for oh so many reasons.

kirbi

"Enabling" is doing for someone things that they could, and should be doing themselves.

I think its important for a nurse to understand the difference for oh so many reasons.

kirbi

So, SO true! I guess that's where I get upset, people asking me for things they could have done themselves but didn't do, then saying something like "I had to work" and expecting me to feel bad for them because I must have all this free time on my hands between taking care of my family and school! :stone

so, so true! i guess that's where i get upset, people asking me for things they could have done themselves but didn't do, then saying something like "i had to work" and expecting me to feel bad for them because i must have all this free time on my hands between taking care of my family and school! :stone

that whole "feeling bad for them" thing is a guilt trip. it is a perfectly healthy response to feel angry when someone is trying to manipulate you. ignoring it doesn't do you or them any favors. be courageous... speak your truth... simply, calmly, without apology or agenda.

"when you really tune into how you feel when you withhold your truth to protect yourself from conflict and loneliness, you will discover that honoring yourself by telling your truth, without blame or judgment, is deeply empowering. you will feel on top of the world when you finally have the courage to speak your heartfelt truth when your intent is to support your own and others highest good."

effective communication: telling your truth... or not - by dr. margaret paul.

http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.article=55

be courageous... speak your truth... simply, calmly, without apology or agenda.

just to clarify: i mean this in a general sense, not you specifically. it sounds like you are articulating yourself very well here! :)

kirbi

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