Anyone else with UNsopportive family???

  1. Man, I need to vent a minute! I enrolled in a community college to finish my prereq's at night because of my 3 kids, and everything was fine until yesterday. The school called and said I wasn't eligible for any financial aid or loans because of the "generic" degree status they had to put me under (they don't have a nursing program there). I was going to take micro and nutrition, so I asked if they could put me under another category - NO! Well, then I decided I would go back to my daytime college, get a small loan to help out with childcare, and attend days. Well, my wonderful husband made a horrible comment about how he couldn't believe I was going to get a loan to do that. But it was apparently OK last semester when part of my loan money paid for part of our new deck. ARGH! I am so mad at him. I guess he thought I could go thru school never paying a dime.

    Well, because I was so mad this morning, I enrolled ANYWAY at my daytime college, and to heck with his attitude. If I have to handle this all by myself, then I will. Did I do the right thing?

    Thanks for listening, I am just so mad at everyone right now for this!
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   nursing 101
    Yes you did, sometimes you have to just take what you want... That's the problem with us women sometimes we always want to get approval from our husbands or whomever! Try to talk with him (when you are calm) and let him know how you feel about the situation... Lay the cards on the table about what you want to do with YOUR future and education... Try to compromise as well... I know I had to point out the positive in me going back to day - full time nursing school... And after that talk I got more support from hubby than I could've imagined.
    Keep us posted...
  4. by   kittyw
    Oh my, sounds a lot like my ex!! My first student loan was used to put a new motor into his car. The rest of this post is based on MY shaded view of this topic. First, congratulations on sticking with finishing your pre-reqs! Now, you may just be having a ***** day and just need to vent, but this is what I'd do if it's more than that. I'd have a long talk with your hubby about how important it is for you to finish school and how much more $$ you'll be able to make when you're done. (And how those student loans will be paid off when you go back to work after school.) And, if he can't support your decision to finish with nursing school and all that's involved, then I'd suggest a marriage counselor or at least a counselor for you - some schools will do this for free - ..... you're under so much stress with school and kids (remember I've been there and am still there!) that having an unsupportive husband can really drain you. Don't let him hold you back!!!

    Good luck ... Kitty
  5. by   delirium
    I don't know if I'd rush to label him 'unsupportive' actually. School is a huge financial drain, and if you all were counting on financial aid, that it may have been a shock to him, and he's probably worried about how he will be able to support his family, his wife while she is in school, where the extra money will come from, how you'll pay off the loan after you finish school, etc.
    Keep in mind that he has his own insecurities and concerns, ask him what they are, talk about it. See what he has to say.
    Trust me, school can put an amazing strain on an otherwise healthy relationship, and I would advise you to put your family and your marriage first, and try to compromise or at least acknowledge each other's feelings before you say he's being unsupportive or doesn't want the best for you and his family.
    Just my .02
  6. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Well said Rebecca.

    I would also consider his insecurities with you forging ahead with a new venture, becoming more independent, etc.

    Don't get me wrong - if you want to go to school then congrats and good luck to you! But I would have a good sit down with him, make sure all of your feelings (and his) are out on the table, and make him feel involved in the decision. After all, you can't do it by yourself. He (hopefully) will provide you with alot of the support you will need.

    I remember, at graduation, looking at my hubby in the audience, and feeling so proud of him. Of the extra duties he took on, of the sacrifices he made, of the extra hours he worked. I could see as much relief on his face, as I felt at that moment.

    Only one person walks the aisle at graduation, but nursing school is a group effort.

    I wish you all the best and welcome you to nursing!

    Heather
  7. by   ashemson
    Thanks, you're right. I know his main concern is the money. With me not working, 3 kids, it's hard. But with me only taking A&P, I could work PT somewhere. We do need to sit and talk, but I just get so mad! I have never had a family that was supportive growing up, and I guess I just expected more from my husband. Thanks...
  8. by   I1tobern
    I tend to agree with the insecurity thing. My ex was fine with me going to school if I handed over F.A. to him. But, the thing is, men sometimes get really scared if they think the wife is going to be "smarter" or whatever (read more independent).

    You've answered your own question. Don't waste time, sit down with this man and get everything on the table--including your perception of not having support. Talking never hurts. If he truly is unsupportive, get counseling for yourself and him if he will go. Best of luck.
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    Originally posted by I1tobern
    I tend to agree with the insecurity thing. My ex was fine with me going to school if I handed over F.A. to him. But, the thing is, men sometimes get really scared if they think the wife is going to be "smarter" or whatever (read more independent).

    You've answered your own question. Don't waste time, sit down with this man and get everything on the table--including your perception of not having support. Talking never hurts. If he truly is unsupportive, get counseling for yourself and him if he will go. Best of luck.
    Like Rebecca, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions until I talked WITH him first. You listen and let him talk and he should listen and let you talk. Don't use the "I" and don't find blame in him.


    We are here when you need to vent, but prayer and the both of you talking and listening is the key to this "equation", and after the unity of this, go get 'em (school that is!) Lots Of Love

    Keep the FAith!
  10. by   Unequaledbeauty
    I have unsupportive family... the main person being my mother. I am an only child and my mother has always been a single parent. I have always lived near my mom- no more than 30 mins away. Well, I will be 23 yrs old this year and my mother has not supported my wanting to become a nurse from day one. As a child I wanted to be a Meteorologist and to this day she still asks me why I changed my mind.

    I also have aspirations of going into public health and disease research... She told me she would disown me !!! I know that seems a little extreme but she has seen too many movies like OUTBREAK and she is scared that I will catch a disease.
    I picked up Gerontology as a second major to make her happy- just incase nursing didn't pan out. Not saying that I am not enjoying my studies in aging... I love gerontology. She tried everything to get me to change my mind.

    Anyway, I moved 4 hours away to attend nursing school. I didn't ask her opinion or how she felt... I just packed up and moved. She was and still is upset but she is trying to make the best of it. I simply had to do what made me happy.
    Last edit by Unequaledbeauty on May 25, '02
  11. by   Mkue
    I don't know much about this subject but it could have something to do with the family dynamics changing. When someone shows independence ( I call it courage and motivation) sometimes other family members don't like the "change" and can't adjust well.

    I felt this by some relatives when I decided to go back to school. I just ignore the comments and focus on my goal or the "prize" as someone stated earlier.

    Go for your dreams, goals and never give up.

    :angel2:

    marie
  12. by   nurseshn
    WOW!!!! UNEQUALEDBEAUTY GREAT DECISION ON YOUR PART THAT MUST BE HARD ON YOU KNOWING YOUR MOM IS'NT WITH YOU ON WANTING TO BECOME A NURSE. I KNOW YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A PEACE ABOUT IT IN YOUR HEART AND WITH GOD.


    ASHEMSON,
    SORRY ABOUT THE DISPUTE W/HUBBY MAYBE IT WAS A BAD TIME FOR YOU GUYS TO TALK AT THE MOMENT YOU DID. I MAKE THAT MISTAKE ALOT, I DO KNOW THAT YOU REALLY NEED YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR BOAT WHEN PURSUING NEW IDEAS. I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSE WHO SUGGESTS THAT YOU GUYS SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THIS IS PRETTY IMPORTANT!!! I HAVE'NT STARTED SCHOOL YET, I'M MARRIED W/3CHILDREN AND I KNOW I'M GOING TO NEEEEEEED MY HUSBAND FOR THE NEXT 3 YRS OR SO. IT'LL WORK OUT JUST PUT IT IN GOD'S HANDS AND TRY NOT TO MAKE ANY HASTY DECISIONS WHILE YOU GUYS ARE IN DISPUTE ABOUT THIS!!! GOD BLESS AND KEEP US POSTED!!
  13. by   ashemson
    We finally discussed it and I made a decision about what school, when and where I will go, at least for now! I just needed you guys to straighten me out - a little stressed!

    Thanks, and good luck to all of you!
  14. by   Unequaledbeauty
    Originally posted by nurseshn
    WOW!!!! UNEQUALEDBEAUTY GREAT DECISION ON YOUR PART THAT MUST BE HARD ON YOU KNOWING YOUR MOM IS'NT WITH YOU ON WANTING TO BECOME A NURSE. I KNOW YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A PEACE ABOUT IT IN YOUR HEART AND WITH GOD.
    Hey Nurseshn,

    It has really been difficult for both of us. I am an only child so she is only trying to protect me... and then on the other hand I am trying to prove to her that I am mature and responsible.

    I pray that I made the right decision. My mother is one of those people who will come back and say "I told you so" ... and I refuse to give her the satisfaction.

    We had a really long talk and I told her that it hurts me that she couldn't be supportive of my aspirations... and she gave me the usually "I just want what's best for you" and of course I had to tell her that I appreciate her concern and advice but I know more than anyone what is best for me- and if I make a mistake, it will be a learning experience but it is something that I have to do on my own.

    She is trying to be a little more understanding but I know when she is biting her tongue

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