Anorexia and the RN - page 2

Are there any RN's or even student nurses out there taht are or have had Anorexia or Bulimia? Do you still have it? I do have anorexia and no one knows about it. They thought I was better but when I... Read More

  1. by   KibbsRNstudent
    Quote from Audreyfay
    The family at allnurses cares about you and wants you to be well. Life isn't just about a person's size. We care about how you feel about you inside. What has happened recently that has made you feel this way? Seeing a counselor is the first step to help you find you again. Let us know how you are doing. :kiss
    Thank you. Also a side note. I feel taht certain things may trigger this to come out. I need a place to vent sometimes and I can not always do taht. My husband is a controlling person. When he gets mad he takes things away from me. he also tells me every day that I have gotten so fat and ugly since the kids were born.
    Just last night he called me every fat name in the book and told me I was better off leaving him and the kids or killing myself(I think he saus taht b/c my mother used to and he knows it gets to me) Anyway, he told me last night taht he is not comign home in time for me to get to classes and taht I am not allowed to go to school anymore. I am so angry right now. I have a micro class tonight and I have a team speech to give tomorrow and my partner in the communications calss with me will flunk the speech if I do not show up. I am so depressed and angry right now. That is def. a trigger for me and He is part of the reason I can not put the only thing I can control out of my life. I pray that he does come home this afternoon. I leave early on Mon. I really contemplated running away last nigth btu I have no money as I do not have a job outside the home. I am a stay-at-home-mom and I go to school at night. (or I used to) I do not want to quit school. The last time my husband did this to me he was physically abusive and forced me to stay home. My prof. was concerned enough to call me the next day and ask if all was alright. I do not feel trapped by the anorexia btu more in control and free b/c of it.
  2. by   Energizer Bunny
    Okay, you know what you are going to hear now.....GET OUT OF THE SITUATION!!! I've been there/done that. I know all the reasons you want to stay.......but there comes a point where you have to realize you are worth more than the abuse he is heaping on you. Get some help!!! There are tons of resources to help you!!!!! Please!!!!

    ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
  3. by   jonnygirl27
    I've been anorexic for 14 years, have been in recovery for 2 and am also a nursing student--I graduate in MAY. I really don't think that nursing school, or nursing for that matter, is something you should do while you are still ill. Its a huge responsibility, one that I wouldn't want to undertake in the condition I was in while I was ill.
  4. by   Godswill
    Quote from KibbsRNstudent
    Are there any RN's or even student nurses out there taht are or have had Anorexia or Bulimia? Do you still have it? I do have anorexia and no one knows about it. They thought I was better but when I gained all the weight back I got depressed again and I am so tempted to do it again. It never really left me. I may be an idiot but I do not think I am ready to give it up yet. I KNOW how bad it is and how deadly but it is a psychological thing I guess. I love the control it gives me in a chaotic world and I do so desperately need to lose the weight I gained. Please talk to me. Support, advice, whatever you like. thanks.
    i so can relate to u , i developed both in school, i fight this disorder everyday, it something that is just in me. I did get counseling for my disorder and i did put on some weight followed by pregnancy which balloned me up to 211 and after that preg i just knew i would go back to that old way of getting it off, but i really had to check myself, and i still check myself every day, i wake up everyday thinking of food, I decided to give low carb a a try, it worked and lost the weight a healthy way, yet it still there, that urge to purge, but u have to get help and realize that its not your fault it like a trigger that click in our head. I for one am a size 6 and everyday i get up and look at myself and say , Dang I am fat , but u have to realize who u see in that mirror is not who u, our minds can play cruel tricks on us. Please get help and take care of u
  5. by   Godswill
    Just wanted to say that my parent divorce triggered that in me, it was my way of controling something. It almost killed me. please get help
  6. by   KibbsRNstudent
    Quote from Godswill
    Just wanted to say that my parent divorce triggered that in me, it was my way of controling something. It almost killed me. please get help
    Thanks for all the advice. It really is not easy to just "get rid" of the disease. It stays with you in your mind always. I have lost 13 lbs now since last week and my husband is on my case about being way to fat again. I hate that! I also hate that I am tall as my husband says I am a 6 foot tall freak. There is a guy one of my classes taht is 6'8" and he says he likes tall gilrs and he also thinks I am pretty and not fat. He is a very sweet guy. Too bad I am married!! This guy suggested taht I go to my husband and talk to him about what bothers me. I alsomst fell over! That is something taht can not be done with my husband. He feels that a woman should take her place and shut up. I could not beleive a guy would even suggest sitting down and discussing something! WOW! I never knew guys could be nice. seriously! I though females just had no say. wow, I should have shopped around more before I got married. Oh well, I am stuck. I took a vow for better OR worse. I need to honor it.
  7. by   Megsd
    Quote from KibbsRNstudent
    I have lost 13 lbs now since last week and my husband is on my case about being way to fat again. I hate that!
    Not that I'm any kind of expert on this sort of thing, but if you're already weight-conscious and anorexic, and your husband is telling you you're fat... he really can't be helping you cope with your situation. I admire your willingness to stick to your vows and whatnot, but your marriage could be detrimental to your health if he keeps suggesting you need to lose weight. I would not only recommend talking to a professional, but when you do, I would mention your husband's attitude toward your weight, because that really concerns me.

    Meghan
  8. by   KibbsRNstudent
    Quote from Megsd
    Not that I'm any kind of expert on this sort of thing, but if you're already weight-conscious and anorexic, and your husband is telling you you're fat... he really can't be helping you cope with your situation. I admire your willingness to stick to your vows and whatnot, but your marriage could be detrimental to your health if he keeps suggesting you need to lose weight. I would not only recommend talking to a professional, but when you do, I would mention your husband's attitude toward your weight, because that really concerns me.

    Meghan
    ou all have made me brave enough to maybe talk to the college's councler about this. I just hope they do not kick me out of the nursing program I worked so hard to get into b/c of all this. It is so hard to get into my school and if I am dropped from the program, I may never get back in. It has happened to others in my school. I can not go to another school as they are all too far away. I need to go to a close to school as I have a family(pre-schoolers) and all. I think if I were dropped I would be worse off. That would devistate me. I know it. I want to be careful who I speak to and this is why I sought the advice of my peers here on the board. Thansk again all. I do appreciate all your posts and I look forward to them every day.
  9. by   Energizer Bunny
    Let us know how things work out!!!! Good luck.
  10. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from KibbsRNstudent
    Oh well, I am stuck. I took a vow for better OR worse. I need to honor it.
    I am NOT an advocate of divorce just because you get bored, etc...but in your case, you are suffering through mental abuse!!!!! You absolutely DO NOT have to put up with that!!!! (you knew you were going to get that from me, huh? LOL!) Remember, if you need anything, PM me please!
  11. by   susanna
    Hey Kibbs,
    I was anorexic too in highschool and throughout college. I don't tell people who know me personally now or talk about it to people who knew me so its really nice to be able to talk about it anonymously online.

    What keeps me from not dieting is that when I was thin, I had to fight to think, to study, to pay attention when other people are talking to me, and to be able to do things everyone else did a lot more easily because they had the strength and energy.
    I wanted to be able to live without feeling like tired and miserable and without fighting MYSELF all the time. This is why I stopped. FOR ME! Me, me, me (like Agent Smith in the Matrix). In my opinion, this is the only way I could truly stop: to benefit me, myself, and I.

    It was not because I was hurting other people and not because guyfriends said I was unattractive because I was so skinny and it was not because OTHER people wanted me to get better grades or see me not so tired and miserable. As much as a sweet person I was back then and am now, I stopped giving a damn about other people and I did it all for me: I became anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who violated my boundaries, and I slowly, very slowly stopped being anorexic for myself, in order to give myself more control and to create a protective boundry between myself and other people who tried to violate my boundaries. So, in my case, my mind and motivations still stayed the same but the coping mechanism I was using to protect myself changed. I didn't believe people when they said that my brain had a disease and I had a disease that was talking through me and taking control of me. Trying to protect myself because I'm feeling very scared is not a disease; it is VERY healthy. That, I feel, is one of the biggest misunderstandings with anorexia. People tell u that what you are doing is destructive and diseased but they don't realize that it is actually one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself: you're trying to protect yourself and feel good about yourself. What is unhealthy is that the means you use to achieve this end will eventually destroy your body and life if you keep it up because you can't function when you don't eat.

    You say that your mother calls you fat and makes fun of you. In my opinion, this would feel very hurtful and degrading if anyone, however nicely, said this to me. If this is true for you, I would go as far to say that your anorexia might be a means of trying to protect yoruself against her degradation or anyone else's degradation of you. If this is so, it is a very good thing that you want to protect yourself from her degradation by trying to lose weight. This should be seen as something postive and you need encouragement as you are trying to protect your own integrity and self-respect, something that should not be underrated. Again, It is VERY Good that you are trying to protect yourself and attain control over yourself and how you feel about yourself. BUT, the means(starving yourself) you are using to acheive this protection are, in fact, destroying your body and other parts of yourself so that you will not be able to function well if you keep doing this. This is what made me realize that I needed to find other ways of coping and stop starving myself.

    I don't know if this is what you are going through but it helps me a lot to explain my story a bit and I really hope maybe you can benefit from it. I hope you are allright and that you come through okay and figure things out for yourself to understand and learn how to stand up for yourself even against those closest to you.

    Keep writing : )
  12. by   KibbsRNstudent
    Quote from CNM2B
    I am NOT an advocate of divorce just because you get bored, etc...but in your case, you are suffering through mental abuse!!!!! You absolutely DO NOT have to put up with that!!!! (you knew you were going to get that from me, huh? LOL!) Remember, if you need anything, PM me please!
    Thanks CNM2B.
  13. by   kkbaroness
    KibbsRN.... I hope you do talk to you school counselor. You are very brave and it takes a lot of courage to get help. I was an anorexic in high school and was afraid to get help and now I wish I had. I did not get help until I was 30 yrs old. I still have a problem with eating although now it is the opposite problem - I over eat. I need to get some counseling for it to. We all have some problem that needs attention. :-) No one is ever perfect. Your counselor at school will be very supportive and want to help you. You will NOT get kicked out of school, that is for sure. Please let us know how you are doing. Support is so imortant and you have it here. :-)

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