What do you think of this cover letter?

  1. 0
    I am working on a good cover letter for my job search for a job in L&D. I was trying to make a good sounding one, not one that is just cookie cutter boring.

    I will cut and paste the letter. obviously, i will xxx out any identifying details, and my name/addy/contact info is at the top, but i wont be posting that part of the letter, of course!

    please give me honest opinions-i haven't turned in this letter to anyone, as i am trying to perfect it.

    thanks

    July 9, 2006
    To Whom It May Concern:
    I am writing in reference to your RN position listed on xxxs website for the full time Labor and Delivery RN, for the shift of 7a-7p. I am extremely interested in becoming a member of your team.

    I think I would make a wonderful addition to your nursing staff. As you can see in my resume, I am a May 2005 nursing school graduate and have worked in the cardiac surgery progressive care unit ever since. Although this is not obstetrical in nature, I believe that my experiences here will qualify me for this position.

    Working in a fast paced unit, I have learned to adapt quickly, make quick decisions, manage busy patients, do extensive patient and family teaching, work with patients who have the ability to "go bad" at any time, all of which I think would also be applicable in the obstetrical setting.

    I am a quick learner, enjoy learning new things on the job, do not shy away from difficult assignments, and have a knack for relating to patients and their families.

    I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L &D department in nursing school. If you were to offer the job based on enthusiasm/excitement alone, Id be the nurse for you!
    If you hire me, I will dedicate myself to learning all I can, and working hard to maintain the high standards you set for your unit.

    Again, my current experience is not OB, but I hope that my great performance at my current job, my accomplishments (as noted on resume), references, my being a current xxx employee, and my sheer excitement and desire to become a Labor and Delivery nurse will help you come to same conclusion that I already have: I am the right nurse for this job.
    Thank you,
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  4. 14 Comments so far...

  5. 0
    I would cut out the sentence "If you were to offer the job based on enthusians ....". I would also cut out the entire last paragraph. In particular, I would not repeat and highlight my lack of OB experience. The preceding paragraph would be a fine ending and adding the last paragraph hurts as much as it helps.

    I really liked the 3rd paragraph ... "Working in a fast past unit, ..."

    Good luck,
    llg
  6. 0
    Delete: If you were to offer the job based on enthusiasm/excitement alone, Id be the nurse for you!
    If you hire me, I will dedicate myself to learning all I can, and working hard to maintain the high standards you set for your unit.

    Again, my current experience is not OB, but I hope that my great performance at my current job, my accomplishments (as noted on resume), references, my being a current xxx employee, and my sheer excitement and desire to become a Labor and Delivery nurse will help you come to same conclusion that I already have....

    Add: I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L &D department in nursing school because not only was your department proffesional, but I felt it has an excellent environment to broaden my knowledge of blah blah blah....

    My two cents. :-)
  7. 0
    Don't send it "to whom it may concern." Send it to someone specific. "To whom" is too impersonal. Making the effort to find exactly who will be hiring you helps to show that you are really interested in the job and not just sending out random letters.

    I'd also leave out the word "wonderful" for something else. That's just a personal quirk of mine!

    The other suggestions here are good ones, too. Good luck!
  8. 0
    Don't send it "to whom it may concern." Send it to someone specific. "To whom" is too impersonal. Making the effort to find exactly who will be hiring you helps to show that you are really interested in the job and not just sending out random letters.
    i put this in as a filler b/c i had yet to find out hte name. now i have.

    thank you for all advice, its all accepted graciously.
  9. 0
    You have a great letter. I'd hire you!!! There are 2 phrases you may want to reconsider using: "patients who have the ability to 'go bad'," may be just as accurately expressed as "patients who are at risk to decompensate." and while you may have a "knack" for relating with patients and their families, use a more descriptive word such as "ability" and cite examples such as being able to anticipate needs, providing education, showing compassion, and alleviating their anxiety with your confidence.
    Best wishes. I hope you get this position. Have you ever had a baby? Having a confident energetic attentive caring nurse during labor and delivery is better than Demerol!!!
  10. 0
    UPDATED BASED ON SUGGESTIONS:
    (oh i forgot to mention this is the L&D dept of same hospital, i am already an employee of the company, i just want to consider a tx to that dept)

    I am writing in reference to your RN position listed on xxx’s website for the full time Labor and Delivery RN, for the shift of 7a-7p. I am extremely interested in becoming a member of your team.

    I think I would make a wonderful addition to your nursing staff. As you can see in my resume, I am a May 2005 nursing school graduate and have worked in the cardiac surgery progressive care unit at xxx ever since. Although this is not obstetrical in nature, I believe that my experiences here will qualify me for this position.

    Working in a fast paced unit, I have learned to adapt quickly, make quick decisions, manage busy patients, do extensive patient and family teaching, work with patients who have the ability to decompensate quickly, all of which I think would also be applicable in the obstetrical setting.

    I am a quick learner, enjoy learning new things on the job, do not shy away from difficult assignments, and have an affinity for relating to patients and their families.

    I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L&D department in nursing school, because your department was very educational, your nurses professional, and I felt it would be an excellent environment in which to work and to learn. That clinical rotation sparked that desire to be an OB nurse.

    If you hire me, I will dedicate myself to learning all I can, and working hard to maintain the high standards you set for your unit.

    I have already applied through xxx’s website, but I wanted to introduce myself as a potential candidate. I hope to hear from you soon to set up an interview. Thank you for your time and consideration.
  11. 0
    I would rework this paragraph:

    Working in a fast paced unit, I have learned to adapt quickly, make quick decisions, manage busy patients, do extensive patient and family teaching, work with patients who have the ability to "go bad" at any time, all of which I think would also be applicable in the obstetrical setting.
    to something like this:

    I work in a fast paced unit which requires adapting to difficult situations and making decisions quickly and with confidence. My experience here has taught me to manage a variety of patients with complex clinical issues, as well as provide my patients and their family members with educational and emotional support. I feel these skills would translate well to the obstetrical setting.
  12. 0
    I would delete this para., because it is redundant:

    I am a quick learner, enjoy learning new things on the job, do not shy away from difficult assignments, and have an affinity for relating to patients and their families.
    I would also delete para. 6; it sounds a little too much like "Puhhhleeeeze hire me!"

    I would modify this para.:

    I have always wanted to work in labor and delivery, since my rotation through your L&D department in nursing school, because your department was very educational, your nurses professional, and I felt it would be an excellent environment in which to work and to learn. That clinical rotation sparked that desire to be an OB nurse.
    to something like this:

    My interest in obstetrical nursing was sparked during my student rotation in your department. I was impressed with the professionalism and clinical expertise of the nurses, as well as with the opportunities for nurses to increase their knowledge and skills.

    I would rephrase this:

    I have already applied through xxx’s website, but I wanted to introduce myself as a potential candidate. I hope to hear from you soon to set up an interview. Thank you for your time and consideration.
    to something like this:


    I feel my critical care experience, as well as my enthusiasm for becoming an obstetrical nurse would make me an ideal candidate for your department. I have applied online through your facility's website, but would appreciate the opportunity to discuss a position in your department in person.


    Thank you for your consideration of my resume,

    xxx xxxx. RN
    Last edit by PANurseRN1 on Jul 10, '06
  13. 0
    I think it's great and I think you've gotten really good suggestions. Here's mine:

    Instead of "I think I would make" in the second paragraph, try "I am confident that I would make"

    Good luck!
    Amanda


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