Suicide. Please, help me right away. Please.

Ayeloflo · May 15, 2008

While I understand the point of asking this question.... it's very possible that they will likely lie and say everything is fine, right? Then what??
Not that you can just assume that they are suicidal without asking, but I don't know how often people admit that they are, or are even aware of their actual intentions and thoughts/feelings.
I don't know what you should do exactly, but I wish you good luck and I hope you can help this friend in which ever way he needs it. Take care.
Jennifer

Thank you all very much for all the pointers. I do agree. I am not a proffessional and it is inappropriate of me to give advice.

I have worked as a 911 tele-interpreter before. So, after hearing part of his problems, I got frightened when he asked me about drug overdose. Not, that I was trying to teach or prescribe meds. But, I just started having a flood of flashback voices from telephone calls I had in EMS in my prior jobs as a tele-interpreter.

I do know that people do intensionally overdose as a method of suicide.

I also did ask him directly if he was depressed, and he denied with a smile. But, based on my little knowledge from nursing school, I knew he was depressed. I have received info for suicide hotline from EMS.

Now, I just have to be tactful about talking with him to get information and to support him.

He has already denied being depressed so obviously I should push it. I really have to be there for him, non-judgemental, supportive and all the good stuff so that he doesn't feel driven away. If he doesn't feel comfortable talking with anyone else about it, he won't talk about it, right?

He heard his footsteps upstairs and his son's voice so I know he is still with us. I'm still praying the keeping the hopes up for something good.

queenjean · May 15, 2008

Jennifer, you would be surprised; many suicidal pts I have worked with are very upfront when you point-blank ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide, and if so, do they have a plan. Not all, of course, but a large number do in fact admit to it when directly confronted.

OP, I have been in your situation recently. I feel I have a strange perspective on suicide as a nurse. I never know if I'm looking for suicidal ideations when in fact someone is just blowing off steam, if I'm reading unintended meaning into certain statements; it's really difficult.

One of my friend's recently broke off a long term relationship. Long story short, he called me asking if I could get him some meds for Wellbutrin. I told him no, he needed a script, and he said he knew that, he just wanted to start them now, he wanted to stop smoking right now, as opposed to waiting to get into the doctor in 5 days.

After I hung up I was like, what? I think I just totally missed the entire point of our conversation--our conversation had felt odd, and then I realized that though he said he wanted to stop smoking, when I suggested some over the counter stuff and some non-antidepressant stuff, he was insistent that he wanted the Wellbutrin, and that he couldn't wait 5 days to get the script from the doc. Which made alarm bells go off in my head.

So I recommend you do what I did. I called the suicide hotline and got some basic info from them. Then I got some info on how to get treatment for depression and therapy. Then I called him back, told him I was coming by, and brought all the info for him. I told him I might be reading too much into his words, but that I had lost a friend to depression and suicide last year, and our conversation earlier that day had made me nervous.

He denied feeling suicidal and said that our conversation was exactly what it was--he just wanted to quit smoking and wanted to quit right now. I still don't believe him--something about his tone and his lack of eye contact, and just some intuition tells me he was lying to me.

So I left it at that, but I also gave him a card with all the info that I had gathered. In the card I also told him how much I cared for him, and let him know he could always call if he needed something.

He never called, I don't know if he quit smoking or got therapy, but I know my message got across. And that's all I could do. I honestly think that there are two kinds of suicidal people. There are those who use suicide as an attention mechanism, to get the help that they need. And there are those who are very intent on suicide and no intervention will stop them. If my friend fell into the first category, the info I gave him and my own interest would have hopefully met his needs or at least pointed him in the right direction. If he fell in the second category, I honestly know nothing I did would have changed anything.

My friend who committed suicide last year was very very sneaky about it. None of us knew he had purchased a gun, he arranged his child care and social life so that he would have 5 days where he would not be disturbed--the first two days spent cataloguing everything in his house. Everything was in boxes with names on it, what was to be given to whom. Then he got all his financial papers in order, so that his exwife and daughter would have no problems with his finances, selling the house, etc. Then he shot himself on the 4th of July, while everyone else was shooting off fireworks--no one noticed the noise. He made sure to ask a friend to come over for supper on the 6th of July--but the note in the envelope on the door told the friend what he had done and to not enter, just call the coroner. So that his daughter wouldn't be the one to find him, but that he would have time to die if he didn't die immediately.

It was so well thought out, and none of us even had ANY idea. It has reinforced my belief that you can only do so much, and then that person has to either want to live or die. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions. Do not carry their burden.

luvmy3kids · May 15, 2008

Jennifer, you would be surprised; many suicidal pts I have worked with are very upfront when you point-blank ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide, and if so, do they have a plan. Not all, of course, but a large number do in fact admit to it when directly confronted.
OP, I have been in your situation recently. I feel I have a strange perspective on suicide as a nurse. I never know if I'm looking for suicidal ideations when in fact someone is just blowing off steam, if I'm reading unintended meaning into certain statements; it's really difficult.
One of my friend's recently broke off a long term relationship. Long story short, he called me asking if I could get him some meds for Wellbutrin. I told him no, he needed a script, and he said he knew that, he just wanted to start them now, he wanted to stop smoking right now, as opposed to waiting to get into the doctor in 5 days.
After I hung up I was like, what? I think I just totally missed the entire point of our conversation--our conversation had felt odd, and then I realized that though he said he wanted to stop smoking, when I suggested some over the counter stuff and some non-antidepressant stuff, he was insistent that he wanted the Wellbutrin, and that he couldn't wait 5 days to get the script from the doc. Which made alarm bells go off in my head.
So I recommend you do what I did. I called the suicide hotline and got some basic info from them. Then I got some info on how to get treatment for depression and therapy. Then I called him back, told him I was coming by, and brought all the info for him. I told him I might be reading too much into his words, but that I had lost a friend to depression and suicide last year, and our conversation earlier that day had made me nervous.
He denied feeling suicidal and said that our conversation was exactly what it was--he just wanted to quit smoking and wanted to quit right now. I still don't believe him--something about his tone and his lack of eye contact, and just some intuition tells me he was lying to me.
So I left it at that, but I also gave him a card with all the info that I had gathered. In the card I also told him how much I cared for him, and let him know he could always call if he needed something.
He never called, I don't know if he quit smoking or got therapy, but I know my message got across. And that's all I could do. I honestly think that there are two kinds of suicidal people. There are those who use suicide as an attention mechanism, to get the help that they need. And there are those who are very intent on suicide and no intervention will stop them. If my friend fell into the first category, the info I gave him and my own interest would have hopefully met his needs or at least pointed him in the right direction. If he fell in the second category, I honestly know nothing I did would have changed anything.
My friend who committed suicide last year was very very sneaky about it. None of us knew he had purchased a gun, he arranged his child care and social life so that he would have 5 days where he would not be disturbed--the first two days spent cataloguing everything in his house. Everything was in boxes with names on it, what was to be given to whom. Then he got all his financial papers in order, so that his exwife and daughter would have no problems with his finances, selling the house, etc. Then he shot himself on the 4th of July, while everyone else was shooting off fireworks--no one noticed the noise. He made sure to ask a friend to come over for supper on the 6th of July--but the note in the envelope on the door told the friend what he had done and to not enter, just call the coroner. So that his daughter wouldn't be the one to find him, but that he would have time to die if he didn't die immediately.
It was so well thought out, and none of us even had ANY idea. It has reinforced my belief that you can only do so much, and then that person has to either want to live or die. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions. Do not carry their burden.

Wow! Thanks for the interesting post. My Aunt's husband commited suicide about 3 years ago. She happens to be an RN too. No one had a clue it was coming.... and I honestly believe it was his "last" way to just do something to make her feel awful. (it worked... btw) :crying2:

But really, I totally agree with what you said. Most times it is either a way to get the attention that they need, or they are going to do it anyway, no matter what you do.

There is just no way that I can fathom what that feeling must feel like. I pray for anyone who feels that suicide is the answer. And I pray for all of their family members and friends who have to deal with the aftermath.

Queenjean, I'm so sorry you have had to deal with losing a friend. I can't imagine what that must feel like. I had a good friend who took a bottle of tylenol... then immediately told her dad (we were in high school). I'm pretty sure her intentions were more for the attention as she acted out in many other ways as well. We're just thankful that they were able to get her the help she needed. I couldn't imagine if I had lost her. My heart goes out to you.

Ayeloflo, I admire you for your caring heart and concern you have for your friend. I hope it works out for him. Take care...

NURSEOK5 · May 15, 2008

I agree call an EMT or suicide prevention hotline, there is a child in the house also, is the child at risk or in harms way if the father is saying he would give the child up for adoption? This person needs help, I wish you luck with this. It is a sad situation.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · May 15, 2008

do not give advice. Give facts - like resources and phone numbers. Otherwise you will feel responsible for this person's life and mental health. That is too much a burden and you are not trained to do it well anyway. I hope it all turns out well. Do you need to contact child protective services regarding the baby?

Babs0512 · Nov 23, 2008

I believe that if someone really wants to kill themselves, they will. My son committed suicide 2/23/04 - he was 22 years old. No one knew. He hung himself from his weight lifting machine. The night before, he told us he was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, he never did ask her, we had to tell her the next day that he was dead. He had a cocaine problem, and I believe that the former "jock" in him was too embarrassed to ask for help with this problem - so rather than face it, he ran away from it, permanently.

My experience as a nurse has been, if they arrive in the ER with threats of suicide, they probably aren't immediately suicidal, but asking for help.

Those who are SERIOUSLY suicidal, often give no apparent warning.

Blessings

leslie :-D · Nov 23, 2008

I believe that if someone really wants to kill themselves, they will. My son committed suicide 2/23/04 - he was 22 years old.

oh babs...:icon_hug:

leslie

dreamon · Nov 23, 2008

My ex boyfriend threatened suicide. I was not in the same place as he was and I wasn't even sure if he would, but I decided I didn't want to be responsible if he did. He told me he had a knife to his throat and wanted to cut it.

I bought some time by telling him I would think it over (the relationship). When I got off the phone I called the police and gave them the address to where he was and what he planned to do. They went over immediately and took him to the psych ward.

Trauma Columnist · Nov 23, 2008

Babs - I'm so very sorry for your pain! (I don't even have words to try to console you as I know it never gets easier!)