Social Media and Emotional IQ

[Nurse Beth]

I follow some folks on social media who I keep on a "never miss their posts" list because they are well spoken and challenge me to be a better communicator. There are some posters here on AN who always add value, wisdom, and good thoughts to the discussion and I love to read their posts and learn from them.

It's also not unheard of to witness cat fights among nurses on social media, which makes a lot of us cringe. Plenty of people are watching to see how we nurses conduct ourselves. In social media, we really are on a stage with millions of viewers in the audience.

Some of those viewers are impressionable students who are looking at us, the professionals...to see if we truly are professional. To see if we walk the walk and talk the talk.

Here are some guidelines I follow for social media behavior.

Use Other Words

Moms tell their little ones "Use your words!" and it actually applies pretty well to us grown-ups as well. It's mental work to come up with and use more descriptive words. I challenge myself to collect more words and build up my vocabulary.

Instead of "that's awesome" I try to say exactly how it was awesome. Maybe it was inspiring, or thought-provoking, or clever.

Likewise, instead of "it was a crappy shift" or "my supervisor was awful" I'd say "my supervisor was insensitive (or arrogant, or demeaning)" and "the admissions were non-stop and I had 2 RRTs".

Articulate

It generally takes longer to clearly articulate my thoughts and feelings than it does to be knee-jerk sarcastic or to indulge in a put-down.

For example, instead of saying"you idiot" on social media, try to stop and think "What do I really mean? What am I feeling?"

Maybe you think the person doesn't know what they're talking about, doesn't represent the facts correctly, or is wrong. Instead, you could ask,

"Interesting, can you share your sources?" or "Can you help me understand your rationale?" or "That's interesting, can you explain that a little more?"

Use I Statements

Avoid provoking others to anger or defensiveness. Try using "I" instead of "You" statements. Instead of saying "You aren't making any sense" say "I'm having a hard time following you from point A to Point B."

Agree to Disagree

If you don't agree, say you disagree but avoid name-calling or put-downs.

If you are feeling angry, just take a deep breath and wait before you hit "send". Maybe even Walk Away from the Keyboard until you cool off. Nothing on social media is an emergency that demands an immediate response.

Take the time to prepare and express your point of view in a well thought-out and respectful adult manner.

Acknowledge Others' Feelings

When someone else is venting you can acknowledge the frustrated or hurt part of them without dismissing them altogether or responding in kind. "That must be frustrating for you." They are probably communicating in the best way they know how, which, even if inappropriate, doesn't mean their feelings are not valid.

It's easy to depersonalize the person on the other end of the text on your screen. But they are real, and they have family, friends, and feelings...just like you.

You never how unkind and judgmental words will affect another person. They may be timid to venture onto social media again. Maybe the person is not a nurse, and now they think "Wow, that 'eat your young' thing must be true!"

Respond to what they feel as best you can without, trying always to build each other up, and not to tear each other down.

Beware the Temptations of Anonymity

In social media, it's tempting to shoot from the hip, especially when writing behind an anonymous handle. Anonymity lets you sink quickly to your lowest self. It reminds me of my little brother, Robin. Whenever he got in trouble as a small boy, he would deny it and say "Bad Randy did it." He thought we wouldn't find out- just like anonymous people think their online persona is not discoverable. It may be.

Write as if you are not anonymous to hold yourself accountable, or write as if your mother or grandmother is going to read your words.

Your thoughts? And I know you'll tell me nicely if you disagree lol

Best,

Nurse Beth

[Bwolfe1]

Thank you, Nurse Beth! That is extremely good advice, not just for us here on this forum but for all who use any of the social media. It is so disheartening to read some of the nasty sounding responses and subsequent "spats" resulting from just one or two thoughtless remarks. We all want to be viewed as professional, so we need to behave in a professional manner. As you said, once y hit that send button it is out there forever and words, whether written or spoken can cut very deeply.

Thank you again for this very sensible and wise post!

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

Thank you, Bwolfe1

[eternalbride]

Im so glad that you've written this post. Well said and truly needed. I have notice a lot of uncouth responses made by others that were not neccesary. In the past, this has deterred me from sharing some posts. I hope all will read your post and take it to heart.

[honeyforasalteyfish]

It's good advice, but I don't always follow it.

Particularly when I am trying to shut down a conversation I often intentionally give the impression I do not value their opinion so they go away.

I do that rarely, usually I do it however online when people reiterate the same talking points to me as were brought up to me above in another line of conversation, to which I say I have heard this before see the above conversation I have no wish to have the same bland pointless conversation.

I am open to dialogue, but I get annoyed with having the same conversation over and over, as if I could never have heard of their line of reasoning, or else I would believe differently.

To often I have heard, and countered their arguments countless times (at least I believe so), So I cease being interested in a conversation that I know will result in talking points being exhausted, and lead to an inevitable Brick wall.

[cyc0sys]

Whether you're a keyboard commando anonymously flaming people or a noob asking questions because you're too lazy to google with the same amount of typed characters, too many people get wrapped around the axle about social media. Communication is only 7% verbal, which in this case would be text, and 93 percent non-verbal composed of body language and tone of voice. Therefore social media at its best is a mass communication tool with no editor, intent, or inflection or at its worst a subversion of reality.

Personally I think it's a sad commentary that people use social media to validate their existence, agendas, or assert some type of political correctness to accommodate the feelings of others who can't find the off button. The internet was never designed to be a ‘safe place' and that idea kind of undermines free speech. If perception has become reality, either we're not that far from the mouth of the cave or the human race is just about ran.

[LotusPetals82, ADN, CNA, RN]

Well said. It sounds like you have the same training that I received in school for Counseling Psych. Thank you for putting forth this piece. It serves as a reminder for me to speak more intelligently.

[whisperingsage]

I was a CNA in the 1980's and developed a lot of my character in the one SNF just through persistence and learning teamwork and learning to love my pts. when I returned to nursing in 2006, I was shocked at the filthy language CNA's and nurses and even the DON at times used. Other things had deteriorated too and the things that were always a problem (staffing) were even worse. I will even find articles elevating their profanity, telling us(actually a lie when I really researched it) that cursers were more honest.

Sadly, the trend is to become less disciplined and more rude.