Professional women HELP!!!!

  1. Ok...hello all...I need help and I need it FAST.

    How do you do it??? How do you do it when you want to get advanced degrees and stay current by working ( while still being relatively new so you know the best you'll get is afternoons if not midnights) at least part time, and ahving babies???

    HOW DOES IT ALL WORK???

    My boyfriend and I are at a crossroads....he wants to move to the east coast and take over a business and we both want to get married and ( gulp ) have kids, but I want my master's degree, and until he came along my plan was to start this fall in teh program...but now this.....

    I cant work fulltime, be pregnant/or a new mom and go to school and work fulltime? How does it work even with kids when you work midnights???

    Please help me...I dont see how to do it...and right now it serves as nothing but a HUGE wedge of resentment between us.....it makes me very sad and I dont know what to do!

    **do you hear that??? I think that was my HEART POURING on the allnurses floors!!**


    •  
  2. 35 Comments

  3. by   RNinICU
    How committed is your boyfriend to helping and supporting you? You will need a lot of help if you want to attempt all of this. And what do you want most? I personally would not attempt all of this at the same time. You are setting yourself up for major stress. If you get married, can you afford to work part time? Or can you wait a little while to start your Masters? You can probably find a job that will allow you to work three twelves or two twelves on the weekend and still give you full time pay and benefits. Or you might try an agency. The pay rate can be very high, and you can work when you want. Are you planning on going to school full time or part time? All big decisions.
  4. by   joyrochelle
    well thses are things that I have been weighing heavily...i mean, part time or contingent hrs that would allow me to work as much or as little as poss. would be ideal, I work OB, so agency OB sounds terrifying to me....I know people do it though, i just dont see me doing it being so green and all.
    I think my boyfriend would be supposrtive once i was actually able to verbalize my needs....right now i am just apprenhensive.

    I mean, I love him so much, I would love to be with him and have children....that sounds absolutely wonderful....but the hard headed part of me is so scared about losing my dreams of becoming a midwife....But I know that there is a time for everything...and if i could start school slowly....and just kinda intermingle it all....

    what is the best shift to work with wee` uns????

    I am so perplexed by this whole thing!!!
  5. by   caroladybelle
    Question: How long have you been engaged to this man? My guess is "Not long" Are you "engaged" yet? If there is no ring on your finger or you are engaged less than 6 monthes - why are you rushing so? You are young yet and have plenty of time for all of those things. If you have been engaged longer - does the fiancee' know how you feel and is he willing to compromise a few of his goals to accomodate some of your goals? If there is no compromise, then you have bigger problems on the horizon.

    I personally believe that you need to work for a year or two before going on for a higher degree - to pay off nursing school bills, get your head together, get a good strong nursing foundation, get a reality check, whatever. If something were to happen (and it always does) you want that work record to fall back on. Things happen (my fiancee died in a car accident, a few weeks prior to our wedding), that we do not foresee and we should have a plan for taking care of ourselves and our children.

    You need to have a ring on your finger before worrying about moving a long distance with the man and having his babies - you are in your twenties, you have time. If he has a problem with that - well again there are problems here that you are not admitting to. This is about having a "healthy" relationship - one that grows and develops over time. (Sorry if I sound Dr.Laura here) It means you having a good foundation to fall back on if something happens to him, and having some time for your relationship to grow before having children - you should be married for a year or two before kidlets make an entrance - to be a couple before being parents. And you should also be an independant nonstudent person for a while before being part of a couple. Skipping a step or two will make life harder later on.

    You are in your twenties - may I ask what is the rush?

    Ocasionally people speed up these things - due to age constraints, or desire of remaining child free or already established in career - but it is not advisable in other cases.

    Also, some will think that it is oldfashioned. Oh well, deal with it.
    PS. I am not married - these guidelines were developed over years of watching friends, exes, relatives, etc. get married and divorced, and happy, and unhappy, and remarried and divorced again over and over and over and over again. I have been a bridesmaid 6 times. And I could probably predict the marital success or failure rate with 80% accuracy.
  6. by   joyrochelle
    Hi there...thanks for your input...Just to clarify some points here to helpout...We have been together for about 2 yrs...lived together for about 1 yr, and i have been an RN for a year, working in OB for 2 yrs ( one as a nurse extern in postpartum).

    Age is kinda a time constraint cuz since school and kids seem kinda uncoordinated at this time ( at least school would be reduced to part time) and I want to be practicing within 7 yrs, and we want to have kids early on.
    I mean, I want to increase my chances of having a home/birth center birth, and working in High risk OB i get gitchy about trying to remove as many risk factors as possible that could keep that from occuring ( although with OB nowadays, etiologies are widespread and unknown a lot).
    I am glad he hasnt sprung a ring on me as of yet....and perhaps we live in a time of too much deliberation and worry, but I have ideals and so does he, which i think is only to our credit to discuss beforehand so we dont get broadsided by any controllable unknowns....
  7. by   sunnybrook83
    Don't try to do it all at the same time- everything will suffer if you do!
    Choose what it is you want most at this point in time.
    And do it.
    yes, 10-20 yrs down the road you may say, why did I do that, but then again maybe you won't. You have to do what is right for you, not right for your boyfriend. If you were already married, different story- then it is the "us" you need to be concerned with as well as the "me"!
  8. by   joyrochelle
    whew...sorry had to take a break there and reevaulate....

    does that all make sense???


    when you do have kids though...?? oh i feel so stupid....i just dont want to see my kids going into daycare....and i know that we would do what we could to avoid that....and one thing about going into school parttime and working contingent would be the benefit of financial aid to help fill in any money holes....


    i mean...i would love to work afternoons....like 3 8's....11-7 or 3-11.....that would work out....but who offers that anyway? it seems that a lot of units are trying to get everyone on 12's.....and would tehy even offer that to a new employee? or would that take seniority?


    argh...sick of me yet????
  9. by   KaroSnowQueen
    Just my .02 here. When my kids were small I worked nights, and had a family member come to the house and watch them while I slept in the mornings. Hubby couldn't do it due to his work schedule. Although a lot of girls work weekends only and the hubby watches the kids while she works, giving them the week with the kids.
    Kids seem to be a ways off in the future for you. As some of the other posters said, many things happen along the road in life that can change your plans. I applaud you for trying to figure out things way in advance and make arrangements for the way you want things to be, but please be sure and make room for the unexpected to happen, as it ALWAYS does. (Illness of one of you for a lengthy time, death, divorce, illness of children, car wrecks, any number of things, don't wish ANY of this on you, but these are just things that you don't expect and throw wrenches into your plans.)
    I just fear you are trying to make a rigid arrangement in your mind of "this is the way it will be" and will be upset if something should happen to change it.
  10. by   joyrochelle
    believe me... I want to satisfy my needs very much. its just a matter of waging what is neccesary now...and what can wait. i think i would like to cont with school...slowly....whittle my hours from full time. school has been very tricky lately...and I think it might behoove me to pull back a wee bit... just be for a while.

    i want to get the most from my education as I can, and i am not seeing that right now...in fact I cant wait for this semester to be done so i can just work and hang out...enjoy the summer ( if it ever gets here!!!!) granted i am taking stats and growth and development ( blech).....so I am not suprised!

    please dont pin point me as a girl who's dropping all for my man....its not like that, at all.

    I just think that there is a point when you need to stop being so hard headed to hold onto the love of your life.....
  11. by   KaroSnowQueen
    Taking school slowly sometimes is best.
    And holding on to the love of your life is good too.
    BUT be sure what he is willing to do for you. If you sacrifice to follow him for his job opp, be sure he is willing to work with you for your schooling and to help with wee ones, when they come.
  12. by   joyrochelle
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by KaroSnowQueen
    [B]Kids seem to be a ways off in the future for you.


    Hmmm...ya think so? what would make you say that, exactly?

  13. by   joyrochelle
    Originally posted by KaroSnowQueen
    Taking school slowly sometimes is best.
    And holding on to the love of your life is good too.
    BUT be sure what he is willing to do for you. If you sacrifice to follow him for his job opp, be sure he is willing to work with you for your schooling and to help with wee ones, when they come.

    i absolutely agree.....i guess just working through it is whats hard.

    Although there is a time when school needs to come to an end too! And perhaps focus should be placed on one thing or the other.....
  14. by   caroladybelle
    Joyrochelle,

    You are not listening to what is being said.

    Stop and smell the coffee.

    If you are not already engaged/married - you have a couple of years before you should be considering childbearing. You could get at least a good start on becoming a CNM in that time. Tell the man in your life "Look, I need to get this degree - if we want to be together here for the next 2 years or East for the next two years. But I need the information so that I can make plans.

    Moving across country (away from friends/family/support) with someone to be with him - when he is not promised to you - is not a very good plan in my view - but I am not you.

    Childbearing should wait until you have a good foundation (education, finances, a year or two of marriage). And yes, you have plenty of time, you just don't see it because of the "Love Haze".

    If he cannot give you that information, at least some vague idea, then you have a man with some serious problems or that he has some hesitation - a major red flag.

    As far as I am concerned, if there is no ring on your finger -you should go on with your plans as previously decided. If a man wants you and loves you, these plans would already be worked out with compromises on both sides and there would be no asking us...the fact that you are posing this question...means that you have doubts....and that there is a problem.

    And the fact that you are "glad that he has not jumped the gun" with a ring...also indicates that you are not ready for marriage and kids.

    This comes from a woman that has been there - put plans on hold for men that were "The Love of Her Life and very devoted" and are no longer around.

    Been there - Done that - Should have a T-shirt to prove it.

    (And if you are got married at 17, no education, have 8 children and all worked out fine - more power to you - This is my opinion that Joyrochelle is getting - you can give her yours also)

close