Personal Experience after Many Years as a Nurse

Nurses General Nursing

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I've just recently lost my son (17) after a freak accident where he was playing a pickup game of football during baseball practice (to get in their conditioning/running/exercise instead of just running laps, etc) and he went back to catch a pass, tripped in a rut, and fell, landing on the top/front of his head.

Initially, it appeared that he strictly had a severe spinal cord injury due to a C5 fracture. He was awake and alert, talking and breathing well, but had no movement from nipple line down and only some sensation and a slight Babinski reflex left foot only. We were hoping that it was just a stinger or spinal cord trauma, but quickly saw on CT what a horrible fracture it was. (I am a nurse of many years, fwiw)

I was able to be with him in the ER, thank GOD, and was talking with him when he suddenly became violently ill, vomiting without the diaphragmatic control or strength to do so, laying flat of his back in a high C collar. The neurosurgeon and I log rolled him and I suctioned him while he vomited and this continued to get worse. He was given 4mg of Zofran for the nausea, and became groggy, but within about 10 minutes, he was completely non-responsive and decompensating with his breathing terribly. This was all while we were wheeling him from ER to OR and by the time they got him intubated and vented, he was in traction with a beautifully reduced C spine fracture. Probably one of the most easily reduced and well aligned I've ever seen. He had surgery at that point to remove the shattered vertebrae, disc remnants and replace with cadaver bone and fuse to C4 and C6. The surgery went beautifully with very minimal bleeding and the aligment and hardware all looked great. The surgery was completed around 7:00 pm or a little bit later.

He was brought back to an ICU suite to begin to wake on his own. This is a healthy, strapping 17 year old athlete with absolutely NO health problems that we are talking about. We went in to see him as soon as he came back and of course, was still asleep.

However, as the night wore on, he was not awakening nor reacting to us at all. Neuro checks were "ok"....pupils reactive, responsive. At first we thought he was just extremely sensitive to the anesthesia, as he'd never had surgery or meds at all. The neurosurgeon called me and told me that he'd realized that there was not a CT of the head done, in all the excitement over the neck fracture, and he wanted to send him back to CT. Of course!

Well, later in the night, the neuro and I were at the desk, talking over this case (my beautiful son, but me trying to be clinical) and he tells me that the vertebral arteries looked great on the CT, but that there is some opacity of the basilar. However, there were no signs at all of any infarct or bleed, so he just wanted to "watch it". We looked at the imaging together and the brain looked great, I'll admit. I had a niggling concern about the basilar opacity and why we weren't pushing that, but this is a wonderful doc we're talking about and I figured he knew best.

He calls me sometime later and tells me that my son has developed hydrocephalus and he's taking him back to surgery to place a shunt and ICP monitor. And we wait.

By 6:00 the next morning, I knew something was different. His pupils were very sluggish and he was simply not responding at all to anything. Sternal stim, pin prick, light, girlfriend, nothing.

I went out to the car to rest a bit after visiting and was soon called back by the nurse, telling me that there was a change....BP was bottoming and pulse was racing. We came back in and body temp was rising. I immediately knew we were looking at a brain stem stroke.

Of course, it was worse than just that (if there is such a thing) and we were soon told that he was "locked in". I almost lost it, because after taking care of patients in this condition, I felt that this was the most horrible situation anyone could be in. Soon after, both pupils were blown and he failed apnea testing miserably.

I had already declined a feeding tube the day before, because of the ethical and legal issues involved and knowing my son's wishes. He had also made the decision a year ago to be an organ donor, so I went ahead and told the doctor to begin preparations for that. He was stunned by this whole ordeal.

This has only been 2 weeks ago for me, and I am so very lost without my son. This neurosurgeon has been in practice for 25 years and is a wonderful surgeon, with many awesome successes where none were expected. He told me that he had NEVER treated a case that progressed like this in his 25 years in practice.

I begged them to sedate him while waiting for the organ donation process, because I could not bare the thought of him possibly actually having locked in syndrome (mother's minds, you know) and being afraid or in pain with no way to let us know. They were gracious enough to comply with my request, but I still find myself scrounging for all the clinical information I can find to reassure myself that we made the right calls.

I need to reassure myself that my child was ok and not in pain or fear, and this article is a great one. Please excuse the wordiness as this is still a very fresh pain for me and I guess I'm trying to "talk it through". I've never hated being a nurse as much as I did through this ordeal, knowing what I was seeing and being so very helpless.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Know you did the best you can and I am sure that your son would be proud that you made the choice to donate his organs as he wished. Sending hugs and prayers for you and your family!

Specializes in CICU.

Very sorry for your loss. I wish you peace.

I am extremely sorry for your loss. It took a lot to share your story, and it moved me to tears. You were so very courageous and beautiful in your own ways in this awful event. Be sure to take care of yourself, and I wish you peace.

Specializes in Home Health.

I cannot imagine the pain you are in,this just broke my heart. It reminds us just how precious life is. You showed a great deal of grace under such terrible circumstances. I am so proud to call you NURSE and even prouder to call you MOTHER. God Bless you and give you strength.

The time we have with our fallen family members never seems to be enough, but I know that they are always with us in mind and often in spirit. My guess is that he would want whatever is best for you. I now know my passed on dad is with me (don't ask me how unless you really want to know,) and he is proud or at least happy that I am doing what he always did as a doctor -- Helping people get through tough times. -- Julius

My heart goes out to you and you and your family are in my prayers. You sound like an amazing mother and nurse. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray you find peace. *hugs*

Specializes in Orthopedics, and Home care.

I am so sorry friend, we are here for you anytime you need, just post what ever is on your mind day or night, we are here to listen, and to lean on. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Specializes in Labor & Delivery, Med-surg.

Know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of many of us in this on-line community.

I can not imagine what it would be like to be a nurse with your own child in this situation. Thank you for sharing your experience with us here. Wow.

It would be presumptuous of me to even try to add anything to this post of Esme12. Praying for you and your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a child. I don't know if you're a person of faith but I hope god grants you and your family peace. Your son was lucky to have a mom like you.

Joel

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is absolutely heartbreaking. I wish there was a way to take away some of your pain

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

What a tragic experience for you. I am so very sorry. I feel your pain because a boy of 22 who I loved as my own died of a sudden death heart attack. His picture is still hanging on my wall, and that was back in 1990. I'm praying I will see him again one day as you must be doing now my dear. :(

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