New nurse who feels like a failure

[Nrscaroline]

Hello,

I have been working as a nurse on the floor for a little over a month. I graduated from a BSN program and am currently in a new graduate nursing program at my hospital that is designed to transition from student to RN. It is different from most other nurse recedency programs that I am familiar with. Basically, we are on a floor with 8 beds (16 recently because of a full census) which is staffed at all times with two new graduate nurses and one clinical coordinater who is a more experienced nurse. We carry our own patient assignments as new grads and the coordinators audit us at the end of each shift to make sure all charting is complete. They are also there to answer questions.

i started out doing okay, but I soon started struggling. There are no PCA's on the floor and I almost always am struggling to do all of my work in my shift. I know it is not good to compare oneself with others, but I can't help but notice that I seem to be the only one struggling to do my job. I never make time for a break so I don't eat or drink most shifts and I'm still down to the last minute charting or finishing my final med pass. I also seem to be making so many mistakes, like miscounting meds in the Pyxis when I get them or throwing out med bottles before I scan them. I feel like I don't know anything and can't do anything right. I was put on a plan by my coordinates which basically stated that I needed to improve these things or I'd have to meet with the boss. I have been working so hard to do so. I have been managing my time much better and finishing on time most shifts. I was even complimented on how thorough my charting had been. I really care so much about the patients and they all say they love having me as a nurse. I know nursing is more than that but I just get so discouraged when I feel like I had a great shift and then I still hear negative feedback.

I was was recently informed that about two weeks ago, I had made a medication error. When administration went through charting, they noticed that I had given a patient his Percocet too close to his last administration, which had been in the ER before being brought to the floor. I felt horrible that it had happened, even though the patient was okay. I just felt so dumb. They also mentioned to me that I had forgotten to scan a lyrica pill before giving it to my patient, another thing that I felt extremely upset and embarrassed about. I had a meeting on my day off today with my boss today and she told me that she did not feel as if there was a future for me at that hospital or with bedside nursing. She is allowing me to come into work tomorrow under strict supervision and stated that it's my last chance. I am going to give 150% but I could tell by her voice that she's already made up her mind.

What should I do? Everything just happened so fast. I just started my new job and it feels like I'm still learning. I feel as if they gave up on me so soon, but I understand that safety is a priority and they cannot have me working as an unsafe nurse. Will anyone hire me again? Should I really accept that I can never be a hospital nurse? Where do I go from here? I'm feeling so lost and so disappointed in myself.

[guest52816]

As others have stated, I am sorry this happening to you. And I agree with the opinions expressed by many previous posters.

I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus that is telling you NOT to take this experience to heart. There is NO way anybody should be telling you that you aren't cut out for bedside nursing simply based on this one job. THIS job isn't a good fit for you. But you will find another position that does suit you.

Find yourself a position that provides you with 12-weeks of orientation with a preceptor. Take the lessons learned from the current job, and apply them to the new position.

I have no doubt that you will be a fine nurse.

[Nrscaroline]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. Every one of you made me feel so much better. Your comments really opened up my eyes to some of the errors in this program. I am giving it my best effort in hopes that I can turn things around but I know now that if it doesn't work out here it's not the end. I know that I have the capabilities to be a great nurse and this is only the beginning. I never let the word no stop me before and I won't let some person who has known me for a month and a half stop me. Thank you all so much.

[Nrscaroline]

It really depends on which CRN is there. Some are more willing to help and like to be involved while others sit at the desk on the computer all shift.

[Nrscaroline]

We had the standard week of new employee orientation but no orientation whatsoever to the floor. I felt as though they assumed a great deal of knowledge very soon

[robert505189]

Definitely not your fault, this facility really sounds like they are setting up new grads for failure, an 8 patient load not under direct supervision is ridiculous for a new grad. As far as your mistakes, they happen and once you get more time under your belt mistakes will be few if any and hopefully far far between. Your movements and actions will eventually be second nature. Don't be discouraged these things take time, hang in there;)!

[pixierose, BSN, RN]

We had the standard week of new employee orientation but no orientation whatsoever to the floor. I felt as though they assumed a great deal of knowledge very soon

Standard WEEK?! Wth is a standard week?

All the nopes here... that's awful.

Resign.

I'm a newer grad (6 months). I can't imagine succeeding with this program, never mind with a week of orientation.

[jennylee321]

Sounds like an awful new grad program ! Being buddied with a preceptor is the standard structure of new grad programs everywhere, what made them think this was a good idea?

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

Wow, talk about throwing a new nurse to the wolves! In what crazytown did the powers that be decide that a 1 week general new employee orientation then you're basically on your own was OK? Heck, that orientation isn't ok for an experienced nurse much less a new one!

Rest assured you did nothing wrong here. There's no way you can expect to learn from your mistakes when those mistakes aren't even pointed out to you until 2 weeks after the fact. Why isn't this so called supervising nurse monitoring your progress and correcting errors in real time? Why are you given a patient load of 8 with no tech to help?? That's a brutal assignment for any nurse on any floor, not appropriate for any newly hired nurse much less a new grad.

Add to that a nurse manger that flat out tells you that you aren't cut out to be a nurse...WTH??? Unless you signed some kind of contract you can't get out of find another job and don't let the door hit you in the butt on your out of this one.

[ashley2757]

You are going to be an AMAZING nurse!!!

You need to believe this statement because it is true.

Nursing is a very difficult field, and honestly nursing school does not fully prepare you for what life will be like on the floor on your own. I had a very similar experience when I first started on the Cardiac PCU floor that I am currently on. I felt like a complete idiot and made many mistakes when I first started on this unit and what made me feel even worse is that I had been an LPN before getting my first RN position in a hospital on this unit. For months I would arrive early to work just to cry and have an anxiety before my shift would start. I had some co-workers/ and a particular team lead that would make condescending statements that would crush my confidence, but then I had many others (THANK GOD!) that would help me when I needed guidance.

I don't like to TELL people what to do, but I think that even if you are terminated from this position that you should find another RN job. Of course you feel like you are still learning, you are a new nurse. A year later, I still learn something new on each shift. DO NOT let that discourage you, thats just how nursing is, especially when you are new. The reason why there are new grad nursing residency program is to eliminate experiences like the one you are having now. You are right, it is important to be a safe nurse,I completely agree. But to be honest I have made some of the same mistakes you have and so have other nurses on my unit. I'm not saying that you should just brush these mistakes off and move on, but you should just use them as learning experiences and not let them eat you up inside. That can be a hard thing not to do because as a nurse, you want to help and heal your patients, not harm them. Take your time, You will be a great nurse, I can tell you truly care for your patients. So be it at this hospital or another, just keep your head up and keep trying. It may help for you to seek employment at a hospital with a nurse residency program that is more supportive. Good luck!

[Nrscaroline]

I think I wasn't as clear in my first post. The floor can hold 16 patients. They initially said it was an eight bed unit, but they have been doubling rooms. Each new nurse can have a maximum of five patients at a time, since there are two new grads on the floor at all time. If the census is too full, a float nurse is required to come down. Having five patients and no CNA is challenging. Part of the reason I have trouble with time management is because I spend so much time getting people up to the bathroom, changing beds, etc. All things I don't mind doing but make it hard to be on time with meds and documentation.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

I think I wasn't as clear in my first post. The floor can hold 16 patients. They initially said it was an eight bed unit, but they have been doubling rooms. Each new nurse can have a maximum of five patients at a time, since there are two new grads on the floor at all time. If the census is too full, a float nurse is required to come down. Having five patients and no CNA is challenging. Part of the reason I have trouble with time management is because I spend so much time getting people up to the bathroom, changing beds, etc. All things I don't mind doing but make it hard to be on time with meds and documentation.

5 patients with no tech, no preceptor and zero support from management isn't much better than 8. I still say find a job that's more supportive to new nurses.

[RNKPCE]

I think I wasn't as clear in my first post. The floor can hold 16 patients. They initially said it was an eight bed unit, but they have been doubling rooms. Each new nurse can have a maximum of five patients at a time, since there are two new grads on the floor at all time. If the census is too full, a float nurse is required to come down. Having five patients and no CNA is challenging. Part of the reason I have trouble with time management is because I spend so much time getting people up to the bathroom, changing beds, etc. All things I don't mind doing but make it hard to be on time with meds and documentation.

Doesn't matter how many patients you have this is not an RN new grad residency program. One week of general hospital orientation is just that. Please look for a new job if you can.