My 20th Year in Nursing

General E. Speaking, RN, RN

She was a little scared and insecure with her abilities to perform her newly- learned duties. She had an innocence about her, though, which allowed her to adapt to this strange environment and eventually excel in the nursing world. Okay, enough with the third person reference. It's annoying.

I recall the night before my very first clinical. I had difficulty sleeping. My stomach was doing flips. I was so nervous! I also wasn't used to getting up in the wee early morning hours. Prior to being accepted into nursing school, I had been a wild hairdresser. (The only time I would've been up at the wee morning hours back then was if I was just rolling in from an all night party somewhere.) My life has sure changed, I thought, as I pulled on the intrusive white panty hose that only added to the humiliation of the mirror's reflection. Hairdressers were all about image and this was quite a blow to my psyche. Our uniform consisted of an ugly cafeteria workers-style white zip up dress, purple and white patch topped off with a mint green pinafore that tied on each side. Purple and mint green! If public humiliation was the price I am going to have to pay to become a nurse then so be it, I concluded. I walked to my car with my head hung low.

The smell of the Nursing Home was horrendous. It immediately assaulted your nares as soon as you opened the doors. Panic set in. I considered running but my instructor had already spotted me in the parking lot. Damn! My stomach flip turned into that uncomfortable cramping that forewarned of an impending diarrhea attack. My instructor saw the panic-stricken look on my face and asked if I was okay. She was so intimidating. Very professional. Very straight-laced with an unemotional glare. Very by-the-book. We totally clashed. I am a very down to earth, what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of gal. She lightly touched my elbow.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

I blurted out that I thought I was going to crap my pants. Well, I didn't say exactly that. Besides, I wasn't even wearing pants- I had on intrusive white pantyhose that only added insult to injury because they made new newly-purchased tighty-whitey underwear go places they shouldn't.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?," was her flat response to my dilemma.

I stared at my first patient with fear. How am I going to do this? This had to be the worst patient in the entire building! She was a bilateral below knee amputee. She was demented and constantly called out "Maaaary! Maaarrry!" (I learned that 'Mary' was the name of the DON who hadn't been there in 15 years.) My God, how long had this woman been a prisoner in her own body stuck in this bed? I was paired with a very seasoned nurse's aid who had a German accent. I was thinking back to my nursing books on how to do a bed bath. Always remember to keep the body as unexposed as possible. Privacy was important. Uncover only the part you are bathing.... Imagine my horror when the nurse's aid stripped my patient down naked, soaped her up from top to bottom, dried her quickly, redressed her in about 7 minutes. All that was missing from this scenario were some big fluffy rollers and an automatic sprayer! I was still standing there with my mouth hanging open as she had moved onto the next victim. I think that is when I realized that this is the Real World of Nursing and I wasn't in Kansas anymore, Toto.

I was left alone with my newly 'car-washed' patient. I realized that I no longer smelled that horrible smell in the building. My God, I'm already used to it. The smell. That bothered me. I finally concluded that maybe this was a nursing defense mechanism. Maybe this was a good thing! Maybe I was meant to be a nurse! I was already adapting to my environment. I was suddenly feeling more confident. I proceeded to get on with my duties and give my patient mouth care. I grabbed the toothette and started my circulating swirls in her mouth. Then I spotted it. The stomach flips started again. "It" was a huge glob of brown substance neatly tucked into the roof of her mouth. " Ewwww!!" I muttered out loud softly. A wave of nausea rolled through my already unstable stomach. The little devil on my right shoulder told me just to leave it there. No telling how long that "it" had been there. Act like you didn't see it. The little angel on my left was adamantly shaking her head. You are her nurse now. It is your job to remove it. I suddenly wished I had a quarter. I looked back down at her and imagined that was my sweet grandmother, Gringo. It was Gringo who had inspired me to go to nursing school. (That is a whole other article I wrote for this site named "Gringo's Question" if anyone cares to read it.) Shameless plug, I know.

"How's it going in here?".

My back stiffened. Dread flowed from my head to my toes. Oh no! It was my instructor!! I preferred to remove "it" in private. Now I was going to have to dislodge that brown glob (without gagging) in front of her. I briefly explained my discovery. She proceeded to take the toothette stick from my hands and began the extraction. The moment the brown glob fell from its hiding place, the smell hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes rolled back in my head. I think I'm gonna faint. I am so dizzy. Scared that she would kick me out if I faint, I hold it together and try to act interested in what she is doing. My mouth started watering. I somehow managed to keep from fainting but my gag reflex refused to listen to me. It didn't care one way or another if I was kicked out of this nursing program. I gagged loudly about three times. "Does this bother you?" she asked. Uh, what kind of person wouldn't it bother was my initial thought.

"A little" I managed to say holding in the urge to spew my breakfast all over her emotionless face.

I dreaded post conference. I felt like a failure. What kind of nurse was I going to make? I couldn't even do simple mouth care without almost puking. I thought for sure my instructor was going to make me the poster child of how NOT to act out in clinicals. You stupid hairdresser. You should have stayed behind the shampoo bowl. I prepared myself for her evaluation. When it was my turn, to my relief, she didn't mention my gagging to the other students.

I walked to my car with a smile on my face. I had done it! I had survived my first clinical without getting the boot. My instructor was parked next to me. We made eye contact.

"See you tomorrow," she said.

I swear it thought I saw her wink at me.

My 20th Year in Nursing

About General E. Speaking, RN, RN

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